Professional Success in the AI Age:

   Mastering Soft Skills and AI Fluency

Artificial intelligence has moved from novelty to necessity. It drafts emails, analyzes data, accelerates research, and reshapes workflows across every industry. Yet amid this technological acceleration, one truth has become unmistakably clear: the professionals who thrive are not the ones who rely on AI alone, but those who pair it with refined soft skills. Success in the new AI world is not about competing with machines. It is about elevating the qualities that make you distinctly human.

I do not yet possess AI fluency, but I have begun employing AI for assistance in number of areas in my life, such as my latest book, and have found it tremendously impressive, amazingly fast, and extremely helpful. Although I have been intimidated by technology in the past, I hope to learn more ways to incorporate AI into my life as time goes by. 

With assistance from Microsoft Copilot, an AI companion, I’ve prepared a brief primer to build your understanding of AI fluency and soft (people) skills, show how the work together, and demonstrate how you can use them to stay relevant and succeed in the modern workplace.

The Human Advantage: Soft Skills That Matter More Than Ever

AI can process information at extraordinary speed, but it cannot replicate emotional nuance, ethical judgment, or creative intuition. These human capacities are becoming the new professional differentiators.

Communication

Clear, thoughtful communication is now a superpower. Whether you’re guiding a team, prompting an AI tool, or presenting ideas, your ability to articulate meaning with precision and warmth determines the quality of the outcome.

Emotional Intelligence

AI can analyze patterns, but it cannot sense tension, build trust, or navigate interpersonal dynamics. Emotional intelligence—your ability to read people and respond with empathy—remains irreplaceable.

Adaptability

The AI landscape evolves quickly. Professionals who stay curious, flexible, and open to new tools will move through this era with confidence rather than overwhelm.

Critical Thinking

AI can generate answers, but it cannot guarantee accuracy or context. Your discernment—your ability to evaluate, refine, and question—ensures that technology supports your goals rather than misguiding them.

Creativity

AI can spark ideas, but it cannot originate your lived experience, taste, or intuition. Creativity becomes even more powerful when paired with AI’s generative capabilities.

AI Fluency: The New Professional Literacy

AI fluency is not technical mastery. It is comfort, curiosity, and the ability to integrate AI into your workflow with intention.

What AI Fluency Really Means

• Understanding what AI can and cannot do

• Writing clear, effective prompts

• Using AI to accelerate thinking, not replace it

• Maintaining a critical eye toward accuracy and bias

• Applying AI tools to enhance—not overshadow—your expertise

Practical Ways Professionals Use AI Today

• Drafting emails, proposals, and reports

• Brainstorming ideas or outlining presentations

• Summarizing research or identifying trends

• Preparing talking points or refining messaging

• Exploring creative variations or strategic scenarios

AI fluency is simply the modern extension of professional literacy—like learning to use email or spreadsheets once was.

Where Soft Skills and AI Meet: A Powerful Synergy

The magic happens when human strengths and AI capabilities work together.

Communication + AI

AI can help you draft faster, but your voice gives the message its clarity and impact.

Critical Thinking + AI

AI can surface information, but your judgment determines what is relevant and ethical.

Creativity + AI

AI can generate possibilities, but your imagination shapes the final direction.

Leadership + AI

AI can streamline operations, but your presence and empathy inspire people.

This synergy creates a modern professional identity that is both human and technologically empowered.

How to Build These Skills with Intention

Strengthening Soft Skills

• Practice active listening

• Seek feedback on communication style

• Engage in reading, writing, and creative play

• Cultivate presence and emotional awareness

Building AI Fluency

• Experiment with AI tools for small tasks

• Practice writing clear, specific prompts

• Compare AI outputs with your own thinking

• Stay curious about new capabilities without pressure to master everything

Progress comes from steady, intentional practice—not from trying to learn everything at once.

Pitfalls to Avoid in the AI Era

• Relying on AI without human oversight

• Using AI to replace thinking rather than enhance it

• Neglecting interpersonal skills because technology feels faster

• Assuming AI literacy is purely technical

Balance is the goal—technology in service of your humanity.

A Human‑Centered Future

The AI age is not a departure from what makes us human. It is an invitation to deepen our strengths, refine our communication, and approach our work with greater clarity and intention. When we pair soft skills with AI fluency, we create a professional identity that is modern, resilient, and distinctly human.

The future belongs to those who embrace this harmony—those who stay curious, lead with empathy, and use technology to expand what is possible. And, as one corporate human resource executive recently said, people will not necessarily lose their jobs to AI, but they may not be promoted if they do not possess AI fluency and use it to be more efficient in their jobs. 

For readers looking to deepen their growth in this new era, my book “THRIVE: The Ultimate Guide to Personal and Professional Success” pairs perfectly with H. James Wilson’s book “Human + Machine,” an accessible, executive friendly introduction to AI’s impact on modern work. 

Mastering the soft skills outlined in THRIVE, combined with a working understanding of how AI is shaping the workplace, will help you to stay relevant and succeed in the modern era.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick and Microsoft Copilot

January 2026

         The Power of Positive First Impressions in Business 

“A first impression is the most important impression you’ll ever make—and you only get one chance to make it. Business deals can be made or broken, first dates become second dates or not, friendships are created or fail to form; everything hinges on that all-important initial encounter.”

 -Ann Demarais, Ph.D., and Valerie White, Ph.D., author of “First Impressions”

We live in a fast-paced, global society and people make instant judgments about you that can either open doors for you or close them. Priceless opportunities have been lost for individuals because they have not paid attention to their most visible asset—their presence. Very few degrees or skills can compensate for a poor impression, inadequate social skills, or weak non-verbal communication.  And on a personal level, your presence is just as important. It can either work for you or keep people from wanting to get to know you.

Positive or negative impressions are made by the first contact between two people. The first contact may be written, by telephone, in-person, or virtually.

• According to researchers at Harvard University, we decide if we believe someone, like someone, and trust someone before we have even heard them speak. And we make those judgments in the first few seconds of meeting and rarely change them.

• Appearance counts for 55% of the impression you make. The attitude you project, both verbally and nonverbally, counts for 38%; and lastly, what you say only accounts for 7 %. Yes, 93% of a first impression is nonverbal.

• Image is the impression you make on others, and it is in your control.

  It is the tangible quality you project that people respond to emotionally and intellectually.

• If you have a very positive trait—if you are smart, handsome, funny, kind, and so forth—you are likely to be perceived as having other positive traits.   It is called the “halo effect.”

• Social media can count as a first impression, since most people will Google you before meeting you.  Be sure the impression you convey on social media will ensure you are given a chance to meet in person.

• Meetings and conferences are often held virtually now.  Follow the same guidelines for these meetings that you would for an in-person meeting. Grooming, attire, body language, and what you say will make a positive or negative impression.

A positive, powerful first impression rests on three pillars:

    I. APPEARANCE 

• How you look is important, not only in first impressions, but also in ongoing interactions. Your talent and suitability are evaluated through a critical filter, which is one of the main factors that inspire others to work with or for you. Consistently packaging yourself for success is vital in your chosen field.

• Dress the part by looking appropriate for our environment and the occasion. Demonstrating appreciation for time and place can be seen in one’s attire. Adhering to the dress codes of your workplace and dressing appropriately for events shows goodwill and recognition of the need to align with societal expectations.

  Attire is transformative; it shapes your self-perception and how you relate to the world. Your origin is irrelevant; your destination is what counts. By dressing the part, embodying the role, and coupling your refined appearance with a respectful and considerate demeanor towards others, you can become the person you aspire to be.

• Be well groomed and fit. Being well-groomed is equally, if not more, important than being appropriately dressed. Having styled hair, manicured nails, fresh breath, and wearing clean, ironed clothes with polished shoes are essential. A recent survey of U.S. senior leaders revealed that over a third view grooming and polish as crucial for making a positive impression. Moreover, there’s an increasing focus on fitness for the job today. The workplace has never been more demanding, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle through exercise and proper nutrition can significantly enhance your job performance and the impression you leave on others.

  II. ATTITUDE/BODY LANGUAGE

• Your attitude signals to others how you feel about yourself, the situation, and them. Your entrance, posture, eye contact, handshake, self-introduction, interaction with colleagues, and job performance all communicate your attitude.

• Your body language either confirms or contradicts your powerful image. Nonverbal cues such as the way you stand, your head movements, facial expressions, and gestures subconsciously confirm or contradict in the mind of the observer the visual message you convey by the way you are dressed. Projecting the correct image of confidence is crucial. In brief, maintaining direct eye contact, standing upright, and extending a firm handshake, along with a warm greeting, will ensure a positive first impression.

    III. ACTIONS

• Choose your words carefully.  Each verbal interaction, be it in-person or online, presents a crucial chance to establish and foster a favorable impression.

• Hone your communication skills. Your communication skills, both verbal and nonverbal, are what ultimately win you the attention and favorable opinion of colleagues, clients, and friends.

• Exhibit good manners and show respect towards others. Being courteous and treating people with respect will be noticed and work in your favor, just as poor manners will work against you. Good manners and consideration for others are timeless; and those who recognize that will find themselves not only sought after and promoted, but more importantly, at ease in any social or business situation.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

September 2025

Summertime Dog Etiquette

for the Beach and Main Street

In the summer, individuals of all ages can be seen outside, enjoying the warm weather and their summer breaks.  For dog owners, it’s especially important to make sure their pets don’t interfere with others’ enjoyment during their walks and necessary outings.

Here are guidelines for dog owners to be mindful of this summer and throughout the year: 

• Keep your dog on a leash while walking on a sidewalk to ensure their safety and the safety of others. It also helps prevent them from running into traffic or getting into conflicts with other dogs. 

• Maintain a short leash for better control of your dog and to prevent accidents with pedestrians, like tripping them with a longer leash.

• Mind the sidewalk etiquette rule of keeping to the right side of the sidewalk with your dog, just as you would if walking by yourself or another person.

• When available, always use crosswalks when crossing the street to ensure your and your pet’s safety.

• Dogs communicate with each other and the world through barking. However, excessively loud barking can be bothersome to people. If possible, try to minimize your dog’s barking. It may also be helpful to avoid crowded areas and peak times if your dog has a loud or frequent bark.

• Dogs typically go to the bathroom outdoors, and it is crucial for owners to adhere to certain rules for this activity. These include preventing their pets from doing their business on sidewalks, private properties, or near outdoor dining spaces and storefronts.

• Always carry a waste bag to pick up your dog’s waste and dispose of it properly in a waste can.

• Always ask for permission from a dog’s owner before approaching to pet the dog.

• When visiting businesses that offer treats for dogs, always remember to clean up any leftover crumbs, and remember to express gratitude on behalf of your dog.

• Be considerate of beachgoers who may not appreciate your dog walking on their towel or approaching them while they are sleeping. 

•  Be sure to keep a close eye on your dog and clean up after it if it goes to the bathroom on the beach—especially since most people will be walking barefoot on the sand.

I wish you and your canine friends a delightful, mannerly summer!

Patricia

Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Source: “Manners on Main Street: Coco and Lucy’s Adventures in Southampton”

Amazon:

https://a.co/d/030wOC8X

10 Soft Skills Essential for Thriving in the AI Era 

                              “While we do not know the full effect or the precises rate at which AI will change our business–or how it will affect society at large–we are completely convinced the consequences will be extraordinary.”

                                                                                         Jamie Dimon, CEO of Chase 

Jamie Dimon and Elon Musk say Artificial Intelligence will be smarter than humans and transform society. It’s understandable that many people are concerned about the future and what it may bring. Artificial Intelligence (AI)) is on the verge of pervading every company and industry worldwide, if it has not already. It is poised to enhance the efficiency of goods and services production, as well as offer fresh and potentially more astute insights into their development. It stands to reason some occupations will be replaced or become obsolete; therefore, acquiring skills that will be indispensable in the upcoming era of AI is crucial to secure your place in this new era.

As AI becomes more integrated into workplaces, the importance of soft skills is increasing. Recent studies suggest that in the age of Artificial Intelligence employers are expected to increasingly value soft skills that enhance human interactions and cultivate company cultures centered around people. This is because Artificial Intelligence is predicted to be most effective when it augments human abilities and helps to strengthen human connections. Along with these soft skills, adaptability and a commitment to ongoing self-learning will also be essential to remain relevant and sought-after, particularly with the rapid advancement of AI technologies. 

Regardless of the color of the collar–blue, white, or new color (jobs that do not require a traditional college degree but do require a great deal of skill) –you wear or the position you hold, you can enhance your indispensability and thrive in the AI era by refining your soft skills. These abilities cannot be matched by Artificial Intelligence.

But what are soft skills? Soft skills refer to a cluster of personal traits, including your work ethic, your attitude, your communication skills, and a host of other personal attributes that are crucial for success in business. Soft skills are also known as interpersonal skills, social skills, and people skills. Soft skills are 85% of success in getting a job, keeping a job, and moving up in an organization; technical skills or the knowledge required for a job account for 15%, according to research.

Artificial Intelligence should be regarded as a collaborative tool to support you in your role or tasks, rather than a substitute for competent individuals endowed with superior soft skills. Keep this in mind and welcome the incredible advancements of AI with anticipation, rather than apprehension.

Here are ten soft skills essential for thriving in the AI era:

1. Be interested in others and the world around you. People like people who are interested in them and the world around them—not just in themselves. “Your goal is to make others feel comfortable around you by focusing on them; and you can influence people’s perceptions of you by playing to their needs,” writes Camille Lavington in “You’ve Got Three Seconds.” Knowing what is going on in the world will not only make you appear less egocentric, but it will also equip you with conversation topics for everyone with whom you come into contact.  

2. Be a good listener and ask questions. “Research has consistently demonstrated that ineffective listening habits present the most common barriers to success in relationships and careers,” according to Larry Barker and Kittie Watson, authors of “Listen Up.” People like to know they are being heard and that their ideas are appreciated. By being a good listener, you let others know that you value them and what they have to say. Etiquette expert Letitia Baldridge says, “Politeness decrees that you must listen to be kind; intelligence decrees that you must listen to learn.”

3. Be skilled at relationship management. “Relationship management is your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully,” according to Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, authors of “Emotional Intelligence 2.0.” People like to work with people they like, trust, and feel understand them. Today’s workplace can be very stressful; but when you are skilled at relationship management, you can more effectively work with your team members to overcome seemingly insurmountable challenges and obstacles to achieve a win-win scenario for all. AI will not be able to replace the need for emotional support and human interaction. 

“It (AI) needs to connect, understand, and respond to human emotions in a way that actually feels authentic and meaningful,” says Angel Vossough, Cofounder and Chief Executive of Better AI 

4. Be good natured; have a sense of humor. Be positive; try to make the best of situations; and don’t take yourself too seriously. A judicious and tasteful sense of humor can often deflate tense situations; and studies show having a sense of humor can help you get ahead at work. A Robert Half International survey, for instance, found that 91% of executives believe a sense of humor is important for career advancement; while 84% feel that people with a good sense of humor do a better job. Another study by Bell Leadership Institute found that the two most desirable traits in leaders were a strong work ethic and a good sense of humor. “A sense of humor is the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.”  -Dwight D. Eisenhower

5. Be a team player. “We’re all in this together; and let’s make it work” is an attitude that is appreciated by everyone. To paraphrase Harvard professor David Deming in his paper “The Growing Importance of Social Skills in the Labor Market,” “As work is becoming more team-oriented, workers with strong soft skills are more able to work well with others and will be considered more valuable, since good teamwork increases productivity.” AI will have the capability to automate tasks, yet it cannot supplant the necessity for cohesive teamwork.

 6. Be an ethical leader. To inspire your team, you must lead by example, demonstrating character and integrity. Make sure your habits and actions match your words. Establish trust and transparency with your team, your superiors and your clients. Above all, strive to be a just and kind leader, treating individuals with dignity and respect. Trustworthiness and ethical decision making are soft skills that cannot be automated. 

 7. Be confident. “Confidence is important because it is the most attractive personal brand attribute. When someone exudes confidence, we want to work with them; we are more likely to follow their lead,” says William Arruda, personal branding expert. And “Employers will know they can trust you with a project and that you are likely going to be good at motivating others as well,” according to Dr. Katharine Brooks, author of “You Majored in What? Your Path from Chaos to Career.” “Fake it until you become it.” Amy Cuddy, author of “Presence”

 8. Be an effective communicator. Communication skills are some of the most important skills you will need to succeed in the workplace. “First communication is not so much what you say, but rather how you say it. And this you can condition and control,” according to Sylvania Ann Hewlett, author of “Executive Presence.” Your words and your body language must be congruent to be believable.

 Furthermore, in order to be an effective communicator, you must understand what your message is, what audience you are sending it to, and how it will be perceived. If is it not perceived the way you intended it be perceived, you did not effectively communicate your message. 

“It (AI) needs to connect, understand, and respond to human emotions in a way that actually feels authentic and meaningful,” says Angel Vossough, Cofounder and Chief Executive of Better AI 

 9. Be skilled at making small talk. Small talk “breaks the ice;” it makes others feel comfortable and puts them at ease. It is the first level of a conversation; it is about the current situation—how you got there, the weather, the location, mutual friends or other connections. When you work in an office environment, making small talk and socializing with team members is essential for building rapport with them.

 10. Be polite and treat everyone with respect. Good manners will be noticed and approved of just as poor manners will work against one. Having good manners and a respectful attitude toward others will make people want to be around you—in and out of the office.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Updated: March 2024

Note: This article employed the use of Bing Copilot (ChatGPT). It is an outstanding resource for writers.

Thrive in 2024: Be Polished. Be Prepared. Be Powerful.

Polish: Improve, refine, or add the finishing touches to.

Power: Ability to act or produce an effect.

Presence: A noteworthy quality of poise and effectiveness.

Countless opportunities have been lost for well-qualified individuals simply because they have not paid attention to their most visible credential—their presence. Very few credentials can compensate for a poor impression, inadequate social skills, and weak non-verbal communication. Prepare yourself to thrive in 2024 by acquiring the finely tuned social skills and polished presence needed for success in both your personal and professional life. 

A polished, powerful presence rests on three pillars:

• Appearance: How you look.

• Attitude:  How you carry yourself: your conduct, body language, and attitude.

• Actions: How you communicate, interact, and treat others.

I. Appearance:

• Your appearance remains one of the main factors that will encourage others to work with and for you. Your appearance is important, not only in first impressions, but also in ongoing interactions. It is the filter through which your talent and suitability will be evaluated. Package yourself for success!

• You should look appropriate for your environment, and authentic to you. Appropriate business attire for professional industries consists of quality fabrics and conservative styling in subdued colors. For executive positions in fashion-related industries, quality fabrics are important, but there is more latitude with styling and color. Technology firms may be more casual in their dress than most industries, but there are nevertheless certain standards to be maintained.

• You should always be well-groomed and fit.  Just as important– if not more so-than being appropriately dressed is being well-groomed.  Styled hair, well-tended nails, nice breath, clothes that are clean and pressed, shoes that are polished, etc. are a must. In fact, in a recent survey of senior leaders in the U.S., more than a third considered polish and grooming vital to a man and or woman making a good impression. And today, more emphasis is being placed on being and looking fit for a job. The workplace is more stressful today than ever. Exercising and eating right will help you meet the demands of your job, as well as add significantly to the impression you make on others.                                                                                                                                                          

 II. Attitude: Conduct/Body Language                                                           

We confirm or contradict our powerful image by using behavioral tools such as posture, engaging eye contact, a strong handshake, and a ready smile. Nonverbal cues such as stance, head movements, facial expressions, and gestures clarify out message.

• Your attitude sends signals to others how you feel about yourself, the situation, and them. The entrance you make, your eye contact, the way you shake hands, your posture, the way you introduce yourself and others, your people skills, and your business attire and accessories are all broadcasting plenty about you.                                                                                                   

• The rules for work are changing. You will be judged by a new yardstick, not just how smart you are, or by your training and expertise, but how well you handle yourself and others. According to research by Harvard University, The Carnegie Foundation, and The Stanford Research Institute, 85 percent of your success in getting a job, keeping a job, and moving up in an organization is connected to your people skills, or soft skills. Fifteen percent is based upon your technical skills or knowledge.

• Behaviors and habits that detract from making a good impression: smoking, chewing gum, biting fingernails, tugging at hair, rolling your eyes, tugging at your clothes, talking loudly in public, et cetera.

III. Actions:  How You Communicate, Interact and Treat Others

• Every verbal encounter in the real world, as well as the virtual one, is a vital opportunity to create and nurture a positive impression. Your communication skills, both verbal and non-verbal, are what ultimately win you the attention and mindshare of colleagues, clients, and friends.

• People like people who are interested in them and the world around them–not just themselves. By showing interest in others and the world around you, it shows that you are not self-absorbed, which will help you create positive impressions wherever you go. And the more well-informed you are, the more likely it is that you will have a conversation topic for each person you meet.

• Get people to talk about themselves. People like people who find them interesting. In fact, showing genuine interest is the easiest and most powerful way to make a good impression. Find out about their company. What are their interests? Find out anything that can be helpful in establishing rapport, since it is the first step in forming relationships with others.

• Show others you have similar attitudes. If you want to be favorably received, show others where you have similar attitudes. See where you agree rather than disagree.

• Learn when to talk and when to listen. What you do after you ask a question can reveal even more about you than the questions you ask. You reveal your true level of interest in the way you listen. Listen without interrupting or finishing others’ sentences, and direct your physical energy toward them—looking, leaning, and nonverbally responding to them.

• Be courteous. Good manners will be noticed and approved of, just as poor manners will work against one. In short, in the business world as well as elsewhere, good manners and consideration for others are timeless and those who recognize that will find themselves not only sought after and promoted, but more importantly, at ease in any social or business situation.

 By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

January 2024

Source: “THRIVE: The Ultimate Guide to Personal and Professional Success” by Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

                               Who to Tip, What to Tip, and How to Tip

The holiday season is the traditional time of year when we express gratitude towards those who help to make our lives easier and more enjoyable throughout the year, including all the people who make us, our homes, and our pets look and feel their best.

Due to the higher cost of goods and services this year, many people may struggle to afford gifts on their holiday list. Many are unsure how much to give as a monetary gift and what’s generally accepted. They don’t want to appear unappreciative by not giving enough or as much as other people do. Following are guidelines for your holiday gift-giving to help you avoid the anxiety that comes from not knowing what is expected of you.  If you are unable to follow the monetary guidelines, it is still important to show your appreciation. You can express your gratitude by giving a small gift, homemade baked goods or writing a warm, personal thank-you note.

To begin, I suggest creating a budget for your holiday tipping list of all the people who help you throughout the year. Once you have a budget, you can prioritize your list based on certain parameters and then allocate the amount of monetary gift you would like to give to each person on your list. This will help you manage your finances better and ensure that you are giving out fair and appropriate tips to each service provider.

Prioritize your list:

• Importance of their service to you

• The quality of their service.

• The frequency of their service.

• The length of time you have used their service.

• Regional tipping/gifting guidelines

• The amount of the gift you gave last year.

Gracious giving tips:

• Use crisp bills to tip with.  If you plan to give a significant amount, it is acceptable to write a check.

• Put the monetary gift in a labeled envelope.

• Add a brief personal message expressing gratitude for their support throughout the year.

• If possible, hand each person a gift with a handshake and a holiday greeting.

• Try to give cash gifts early in December so that recipients can use the money to buy their holiday gifts.

                         Holiday Tipping Guidelines for 2023

Personal Care and Wellness Providers

• Hairstylist/Colorist: Cost of one session.

• Barber: Cost of one session.

• Manicurist: $25 to $50 or gift.

• Personal trainer: Up to the cost of one session and a gift.

• Massage therapist: Up to the cost of one session.

• Childcare, Home, and Eldercare, and Petcare Providers 

• Housekeeper: Up to the cost of one visit or one- or two weeks’ pay, full-time

• Au-pair or live-in nanny: One or two weeks’ pay and a gift from your child.

• Babysitter: An evening’s pay and a gift from your child.

• Home Health Aide or In-Home Caregiver: One week’s pay or $25 to $100 depending upon frequency of care.

• Personal assistant: Small gift and a holiday bonus based on performance.

• Dog walker: Up to one week’s pay or a gift

• Pet Groomer: Up to the cost of one session or a gift

  Home Maintenance Providers

• Pool cleaner: Cost of one session

• Trash collector (house): $20 to $30

• Gardener: $20 to $50 or a gift card or cost or cost of one week’s service

• Sanitation worker: $15 to $30 per worker if the same team regularly services your home.

  School Personnel

• Teacher: A gift card or gift certificate for up to $25, or pitch in with some of the other parents and buy a more expensive gift certificate

• Coaches, Tutors, Music Teachers: A small gift from your child

• Day care providers: $25 to $75 each, plus a small gift from your child.

• Apartment Building Staff

• Superintendent/Resident Manager: $150 to $300

• Doorman/Concierge: $75 to $100

• Handyman/Porter:  $25 to $50

• Parking garage attendant: $25 to $75 each: or ½ month’s rent divided among the attendants.

   Delivery Service Providers

• Mail carrier: Small gift or gift card up to $20: gifts of cash are not permitted.

• FedEx: Can accept gifts valued at $75 or less; gifts of cash are not permitted.

• UPS: Advised to politely decline; but no firm policy about not accepting.

  cash gifts

• Newspaper carrier: $10 to $30

• Food delivery person (if the same person comes often): $25 to $50

Gift ideas for mail carrier or FedEx:

• A gift card to a restaurant that serves hot meals and cold drinks.

• A Starbucks gift card and a cheerful travel mug.

• A warm scarf is a perfect gift for this time of year.

• A mini valet to stylishly stow away keys.

• Luxurious hand cream with a holiday candle or a warm pair of gloves. (An eco-friendly water bottle.

• A warm hat.

• An insulated thermos.

• A winter first aid kit with a specialty face cream, lip protection, throat lozenges, packets of cocoa, and a variety of energy bars.

Professionals who should not be given a monetary gift include:

• Accountant/CPA

• Attorney

• Auditor

• Banker

• Bookkeeper

• Doctor, Dentist

• Executive Coach

• Members, Board of Directors or Trustees

• Seamstress/Tailor

• Veterinarian

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Updated December 2024

“Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren’t used to an environment
where excellence is expected.” 

  -      Steve Jobs

The same thoughtfulness you extend to your family and friends should be extended to those with whom you come into contact at the office. The essence of etiquette is courtesy, and the greatest courtesy you can exhibit at the office is to ensure that all your actions take into consideration the comfort and enjoyment of everyone around you; and to conduct yourself in a manner that makes the office a pleasant, productive place to work. When you show your coworkers, clients, and customers your best self, you set yourself apart from the competition and create long-lasting professional relationships.

Guidelines for professional business office decorum:

• Be on time.If you’re late on a regular basis, people will notice. While everyone has the occasional late morning, it’s not fair to your coworkers to feel the rules don’t apply to you. The same holds true for business meetings. It is never a good idea to arrive late for a business meeting. And never intentionally keep a client, or anyone else, waiting.

• Extend a friendly greeting.When greeting a new client or existing client at the office, it’s good form to address them by their name, make eye contact, give them a firm handshake, and make them feel welcome. If you already know the person, but others in your office don’t, it’s necessary to make the proper introductions. 

• Maintain appropriate conduct.If you are in a conservative business environment, your body language should be controlled and formal. There should be no laughter in the hallways, no walking around whistling and humming a tune, and no spontaneous outbursts of emotions or feelings.  If you’re in a casual business environment, your body language can be less controlled and more informal. It’s okay to laugh a bit and socialize a bit to build rapport when a more personal expression is acceptable as part of fulfilling business expectations. It doesn’t mean, however, that you can slack off or behave in a silly or immature manner.
• Dress appropriately for the office.Attire for the office has become more casual in many industries and companies, but it still requires attention to detail. Casual does not mean sloppy. The way you dress and groom yourself can not only change the way people view you, but also the way they listen to what you have to say. When you dress well, people take you more seriously. Pressed and fresh clothes, polished shoes or casual footwear that’s in good condition, a flattering haircut, and a well-tailored blazer would be a good start when you go back to the office this fall. 

• Keep your desk neat.Your desk or cubicle should be an extension of yourself. If it’s messy and cluttered, you’ll probably have difficulty locating necessary items. In addition, business associates will not regard you in a favorable light due to the untidiness of your workspace. No one likes to wait—particularly clients or senior management—while you attempt to unearth a missing item from under a mound of papers.

• Pay attention. Whether in a meeting, on the phone, or sitting in a coworker’s office, stay alert and pay attention. It’s bad form to be caught with your mind wandering, or checking your messages on your cell phone or PDA, and to have no clue as to what actually took place. Be a good listener and take notes. Don’t interrupt unless you absolutely have to.

• Avoid having lengthy personal conversations on the phone when others can hear you.No one wants to listen to you arguing with your husband or wife or telling your doctor about a health issue in great detail.

• Steer clear of personal habits that annoy.Even the smallest personal habit can appear magnified in a closed office setting. Things like constantly clearing your throat, blowing your nose, combing your hair every five minutes, doing your nails or putting on makeup at your desk, even taking vitamins—can be annoying and distracting to others and make a bad impression. Use the restroom for doing things that are best done in private.

• Ask before borrowing a coworker’s office supplies.Extend the same courtesy to others that you would expect from them. It is never a good idea to simply borrow whatever you’d like from another person’s desk without asking them first if it’s okay.

• Knock before entering a closed office or walking uninvited into a teammate’s cubicle.Always knock on a closed door, then wait until the person inside tells you to come in.  Although a cubicle may not have a door, do not assume it means you can walk into it without being invited. If you’ve just stopped by to chat, ask if it’s a good time. If someone stops by to chat with you when you’re in the midst of a project and don’t wish to be interrupted, be polite and let them know it isn’t a good time.

• Make small talk but avoid becoming overly involved in coworkers’ personal lives. It’s natural to be interested in your coworkers’ lives and want to be friends with some of them, but you should avoid becoming too involved. Be brief and discreet if you discuss personal issues at the office; remember, you’re there to be productive—not spend an inordinate amount of time socializing. However, spending some time exchanging pleasantries with your coworkers is advised since it will help build the rapport necessary for successfully working together.

• Avoid behavior that could be misconstrued.   At one time, a little harmless flirting or complimentary remarks about someone’s appearance might have been considered acceptable.  No longer. Now that there’s a heightened awareness of discrimination and harassment in the workplace, flirtatious comments and personal compliments may not be welcome by the recipient and could lead to your dismissal from the company.       

• Watch what you eat at your desk. Anything that’s going to offend others, such as food that has a strong odor, should be avoided at the office. If you’re in an area where others will see you eat, mind your manners. When you’re finished, throw away any leftover food and disposable containers in the appropriate waste can.  Nothing should be left on your desk; and you shouldn’t even eat at your desk if you sit in a public area where clients walk by.

• Follow the rules established for the office kitchen.   Unless the office refrigerator is stocked with complimentary food, do not assume anything you see in it is yours for the taking. If you didn’t put the food in it, it is not yours to eat.  Be sure to take your leftovers home or throw them out before they’re past their expiration date. And if you use the last cup of coffee in the coffee maker, tell the person whose job it is to make more. Clean up after yourself before you leave the kitchen.
• Be mindful of what you heat in the microwave or oven.Fish, for instance, is absolutely unacceptable. Anything that has a strong odor that can permeate the office should be avoided.
• Courtesy, consideration, and a respect for others are prime requisites for an office to function as a comfortable, safe and pleasant place to work.

Modern-Day Manners for Tennis Players

The mark of great sportsmen is not how good they are at their best,
but how good they are at their worst.

                                                                                               ―Martina Navratilova

I recently started playing tennis again after a long break, and it occurred to me that I had included a chapter on golf etiquette in my last two etiquette books, “The Gentleman’s Journey to Success” and “THRIVE,” but had not included a chapter on tennis etiquette. Like golf, tennis has always been considered a “gentleman’s” sport due to the traditionally polite, well-mannered men, as well as women, who play tennis. 

If you want to build strong relationships outside of the office, I highly recommend taking up golf or tennis if you do not already play one of these sports. Both offer a great way to socialize, network, and build rapport with colleagues and clients.  Of course, playing either sport is also a way to make new friends, exercise, and have fun. Although networking possibilities exist in other sports, golf and tennis are lifelong activities and ones that women do just as well as men. 

According to “Forbes” magazine, 90% of CEOs play golf, and 80% of executives say playing golf enables them to establish new business relationships. Although not as many CEOs play tennis, due to the nature of the sport, many do.  So, choose your sport but choose one of them if you want to get ahead in business and stand out at your next company retreat.

I am assuming you know the basic rules of tennis. For example, how to win a point, how to keep score and how to win a game, set and match. I am also assuming you know how to be a polite, respectful spectator at matches. The purpose of this article is to provide you with the most important manners to mind on the tennis court.

History of Tennis

Most historians believe tennis was originated in the monastic cloisters in northern France in the 12th century, but the ball was then struck with the palm of the hand rather than with a racket. It was not until the 16th century that racquets came into use, and the game began to be called tennis. It was popular in England and France, and Henry VIII of England, one of the first royals to play the game, built his own tennis court at Hampton Court Palace. While the exact court is no longer in existence, a similar court was built in its place in 1625 and is still in use today.

Although for a long time, the game of tennis was played mostly by royalty and the upper classes, it became more popular in the mainstream in the early 1900s when the first Davis Cup tie was announced. In 1913, the foundations of professional tennis were created when the ITF (International Tennis Federation) was launched. Tennis is now a global sport played by anyone who is interested in the game.

Tennis Etiquette

Tennis has always been a sport where manners and polite, respectful behavior have characterized the people that play it. From its inception stemming from the royals and gentry of England and France, tennis is steeped in history surrounding manners and etiquette.

In terms of tennis etiquette, I am referring to the niceties of the game.  This means being well mannered, playing fairly, and being a good sport to your opponent and those around you.

Following are the modern-day manners players need to follow on the tennis court:

1.  Speak softly, turn your cellphone ringer off, and limit your conversations during matches.

Whether talking to another person on your court, playing near a group of players on an adjoining court, or walking past another court, keep your voice down as much as possible. If you have taken your cell phone with you to the tennis court, be sure to turn the ringer off; and unless you are a doctor or there is an emergency, you should avoid taking or making calls on the court. One of the most frustrating things as a tennis player is to be distracted in the middle of a point when you are trying to be competitive and concentrate.

In addition, lengthy conversations should be avoided on the court. Wait until there is a break, or better still, wait until the match is over. Minimal small talk is most appropriate and appreciated until you are away from the tennis courts.

2.  Keep track of your balls.

One of the most important aspects of playing good tennis is keeping your balls in your court. However, if you are playing near other courts and a ball of yours is hit on to another court, don’t shout and scream at the other players and distract them unless they are in danger of falling over the ball. Politely wait until their point is finished before asking for it back or retrieving it yourself.

When it is your turn to serve, be sure to have two tennis balls in your hand, pocket, or ball clip. Your opponent should not have to wait for you to locate a ball between points. 

3. Warming up.

Before tennis matches start, about five minutes is given to warm up. During the warming up period, you should play in a way that allows you and your opponent to stretch and loosen up. Hitting balls to your opponent rather than trying to ace them or put them away is the way warmups should be conducted. It is not a match after all. Something else to keep in mind is that you should not warm up longer than the standard amount of time if you notice people waiting for courts.

4.  Wait for your turn.

If you need to ask the players on a court you have booked when they will be finishing or whether they will be using more than one court, make sure to wait for their point to end, or for a chance in between games to do this.

Do not stand too close to their court or glare at them if they seem to be taking longer than you think they should to finish their game. Remember, this is a “gentleman’s” game. Be a gentleman (lady).

5. Respect the line calls; and avoid arguments.

Unless it is a tournament, more than likely there will not be an official line caller or camera on the court; therefore, it will be up to the players to make the calls on whether balls are in or out. Disputes over line calls are very common and often up for interpretation. Most players, I would hope, would not intentionally say a ball is out, if it is in, or in, if it is out.

Very competitive players often get upset over line calls that are not theirs to make. Etiquette dictates you should respect your opponent’s line call whether you agree with it or not. It is theirs to make. When you lose a point or are not playing up to your full potential it can be upsetting, but do not let your poor performance take away from others’ enjoyment of the match.

If your opponent is consistently making calls you disagree with, then it might be a good idea to get a bystander or tennis pro to watch the line for you. What you should never do is have an argument on the court—especially a heated one. And never throw your racquet on the court in a fit of anger. Maintain your dignity and good nature. Remember, it is only a game.

6.  Do not celebrate lucky shots or net cords.

If your ball hits the net cord and trickles over, or you frame a shot for a winner, it is good etiquette to not wildly celebrate. This is a lucky way to win a point that you may not have planned and almost certainly gives your opponent no chance of winning the point through no fault of their own. Be gracious. A simple apology for a lucky frame or net cord will ensure good feelings on the court.

Furthermore, it is not considered good manners to make a big fuss over any point you win.  It is only natural to feel elated when you play particularly well but gloating over it in front of your opponent will not be well received. On the other hand, if everyone on both sides of the court celebrates a great point or exciting rally, you can feel free to join in.  

7.  Don’t walk behind or across a court without permission.

If there are a group of players on a court and you need to walk past to get to your court, then make sure you wait for them to finish their point and ask if you can go, rather than just walking behind their court without permission. This is very annoying and distracting for players. Wait for the point to end and ask; it’s always better to be polite!

If spectators want to cross the court, they need to wait for the point to end. This is common sense. The risk of getting hit by the flying tennis ball is also another reason why spectators should never cross a court when players are still volleying the tennis ball.

8.  Apologize if you hit someone.

During a close quarters doubles rally or when hitting a passing shot when your opponent is at the net, if you happen to hit your opponent by mistake then be sure to apologize! It can be painful to get hit with a tennis ball, so the last thing your opponent needs when they get hit is someone celebrating or laughing about it! Be kind instead.

9.  Remember the score.

Another important thing to remember when playing tennis is the score. It is inconsiderate to rely on others to remember every point played. Concentrate on the game and help your opponent and/or doubles partner keep track of the score. Experienced players call the score before serving the ball. It is one of the most basic and common tennis etiquettes to remember.

10. Refrain from giving unsolicited advice or criticizing another player’s performance.

New players often appreciate advice from more experienced players on how they could play better during a match.  Sometimes, however, they would prefer to receive this guidance from their tennis coaches. So, be sure your advice is welcome before continually giving it to a person. In addition—whether new or more experienced–players do not appreciate being told “it was your fault” we lost the point or match. Be magnanimous, keeping in mind it could be you who loses the next point or match.

11.  Serving and returning balls.

Always take responsibility for the balls that are on your side of the court. If you are the one who is on the receiving end, always make sure that you return the ball to the one who is serving. Never wait for the server to come and retrieve it.

If a tennis ball accidentally lands in some else’s court, you do not just rush to go take it. You need to wait for the proper time to retrieve it. This means you need to make sure the other players are not playing. Once you see that they finished their point you can go and get it back.

12. Bring a can of balls with you, along with a towel and bottle of water.

Always carry a can of new or slightly used balls with you. Don’t expect the person you often play with to always provide the balls.

Some clubs may have towels and water for you, but it is better to be prepared. If you get often get hungry or need a snack for health reasons between sets, be sure to take something light like a banana or snack bar–nothing that is messy or will leave crumbs on the court. Obviously though, it would be better if you ate before the match and could wait until it is over to eat something away from the court. 

13. Offer to pay the guest fee.

If you are invited to play at a club where you are not a member, offer to pay the guest fee. If your offer is not accepted, you can reciprocate by inviting the person to play at your club on another day. Or perhaps you can treat your host to lunch or dinner. Whatever the case, be sure to follow up with a thank-you note the day after you play.

14. Dress appropriately and be well groomed.

Follow the dress code of the club where you will be playing and be well groomed if you want to make a good impression. In addition, doing so shows respect for the club and the people with whom you will be playing.

If you are not familiar with the dress code, ask your host or call the club directly. Some, but not many clubs and tournaments, still request “all white.” And, of course, it is also important that you wear the right trainers for the type of court on which you will be playing.

15. Do not allow small children or pets near the tennis courts.

Not only is it distracting to the players, but it is dangerous to have small children or pets on or near the tennis courts when games are being played.

16. Be a good sport: shake hands at the end of the match.

Most young people are taught from an early age to always shake hands with their opponents at the end of a sports game. Whether you win or lose, graciously give your opponents a firm handshake and a smile, along with a complimentary comment, such as “well played” when the match is over.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

February 2023

The holidays are the traditional time of the year to show our gratitude to all who make our lives easier and more pleasant throughout the year; and make us, our homes, and our pets look good. 

Due to the higher cost of goods and services this year, many may be struggling to make ends meet. If you cannot follow the guidelines below—and be aware of the fact that this is only a guide to generally accepted monetary gifts—the most important thing to keep in mind is that you should show your appreciation in some form, whether it be a small gift, homemade baked goods, or a simple thank-you note.

• Hairstylist/Colorist: Cost of one session

• Barber: Cost of one session

• Manicurist: $25 to $50 or gift

• Personal trainer: Up to the cost of one session and a gift

• Housekeeper: Up to the cost of one visit; or one-or-two week’s pay, full-time

• Au-pair or live-in nanny: One- or-two week’s pay, and a gift from your child

• Teacher: Gift card or gift certificate for up to $25, or pitch in with some of the other parents and buy a more expensive gift certificate

• Coaches, Tutors, Music Teachers: A small gift from your child

• Day care provider: $20 to $70 each, plus a small gift from your child

• Babysitter: An evening’s pay, plus a gift from your child

• Massage therapist: Up to the cost of one session

• Superintendent: $75 to $175; broad range $50 to $500

• Doorman: $25 to $150; broad range $10 to $1,000  

• Handyman: $25 to $50; broad range $10 to $75

• Parking garage attendant: $25 to $75 each: or ½ month’s rent divided

• Country club staff: $50 for someone you see regularly

• Pool cleaner: Cost of one session

• Mail carrier: Small gift or gift card up to $20: gifts of cash not permitted

• Fedex: Can accept gifts valued at $75 or less; gifts of cash not permitted

• UPS: Advised to politely decline; but no firm policy about not accepting

  cash gifts

• Newspaper carrier: $10 to $30

• Personal assistant: A small gift and a holiday bonus based on performance.

• Senior Care Aide: $25 to $100 depending upon frequency

• Trash collector (house): $20 to $30

• Sanitation worker: $10 to $30 each for private service; check your local municipality for regulations, as some areas may not allow tipping

• Gardener: $20 to $50 or a gift card or cost or cost of one week’s service

• Pool cleaner: Up to the cost of one cleaning or a gift card

• Dog walker: Up to one week’s pay or a gift

• Pet Groomer: Up to the cost of one session or a gift

Do: 

• Use crisp bills to tip with.

• Put them in a tasteful envelope marked with the person’s name on it.

• Add a short personal note thanking them for helping you throughout the year.

• If possible, hand each person your gift, accompanied by a handshake, and holiday greeting.

• Give cash gifts early in December so that they can use the money to buy their holiday gifts.

Prioritize your list:

• Importance of their service to you.

• The quality of their service.

• The frequency of their service.

• How long you’ve used the service.

• Regional tipping/gifting guidelines

• The amount of the gift you gave last year.

Gift ideas for mail carrier or Federal Express:

• A gift card to a restaurant that serves hot meals and cold drinks.

• A Starbucks gift card and cheerful travel mug.

• A warm scarf perfect for this time of year.

• A mini valet to stylishly stow away keys.

• Luxurious hand cream with a holiday candle or a warm pair of gloves. (An eco-friendly water bottle.)

• A warm hat.

• An insulated thermos.

• A winter first aid kit with a specialty face cream, lip protection, throat lozenges, packets of cocoa and a variety of energy bars.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

December 2022

Airplane Etiquette: How to Be a Polite Passenger 

“If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows he is a citizen of the world.”

                                                                                                       -Francis Bacon

Your journey to faraway places and traveling home for the holidays begins the minute you enter an airplane. Make it a pleasant and enjoyable one for yourself and the other passengers by behaving in the same respectful manner you would anywhere else.

 Common courtesy when on an airplane:

• When you board the plane with a carry-on or shoulder bag, hold it in front of you, not at your side, as you walk down the aisle.

• When you reach your seat, quickly put one bag in the overhead bin above your seat or nearby. Be careful not to squash other people’s belongings.

• If you see someone having trouble lifting a suitcase, offer to help if you can.

• If you have an aisle seat, keep your elbow and feet from protruding into the aisle.

• If the person in the aisle seat is sleeping and you need to get out of your row, softly say, “Excuse me,” and if necessary, tap them lightly on the arm. It’s okay to wake someone up if you do it gently.

• Keep any work materials, newspapers, and magazines you are using from overflowing into your seatmate’s space.

• Don’t read the worksheets or laptop screen of the person next to you.

• If your seatmate is reading, working, or has their eyes closed, they don’t want to talk. If your seatmate would like to chat, but you wouldn’t, smile and answer a few questions with a yes or no. If that doesn’t work, be direct but polite: “It’s been nice chatting with you. I’m going to use this time to read/work/sleep. Thanks for understanding.”

• Keep noise to a minimum, whether talking with another passenger or reading to a child. If your child plays a video game or watches a movie on a laptop, use the headset or your earbuds. Your neighbor shouldn’t be able to hear it.

• If you are sick, consider postponing your trip. If you cannot or do not want to postpone your trip and are coughing/sneezing, be sure to wear a mask on the plane. Otherwise, everyone around you is going to be very upset with you–and rightly so. 

• Don’t stay longer than necessary in the lavatory and leave the space neat and clean.

• Try not to block the view of those watching the inflight movie or other entertainment. If you must stand to retrieve something from the overhead bin, be as quick as possible.

• It’s your privilege to recline your seat, but it is considerate to do so only partway or to first ask the passenger behind you if he minds.

• Show respect for the flight attendants. They are there to ensure the safety and enjoyment of all the passengers on the plane. Always comply with their requests and guidance; and do remember to say “Please” and “Thank you” when asking or receiving something from them. 

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick, Founder of The Etiquette School of New York

November 2022

Source: “THRIVE: The Ultimate Guide to Personal and Professional Success.” by Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick