The Power of Positive First Impressions in Business 

“A first impression is the most important impression you’ll ever make—and you only get one chance to make it. Business deals can be made or broken, first dates become second dates or not, friendships are created or fail to form; everything hinges on that all-important initial encounter.”

 -Ann Demarais, Ph.D., and Valerie White, Ph.D., author of “First Impressions”

We live in a fast-paced, global society and people make instant judgments about you that can either open doors for you or close them. Priceless opportunities have been lost for individuals because they have not paid attention to their most visible asset—their presence. Very few degrees or skills can compensate for a poor impression, inadequate social skills, or weak non-verbal communication.  And on a personal level, your presence is just as important. It can either work for you or keep people from wanting to get to know you.

Positive or negative impressions are made by the first contact between two people. The first contact may be written, by telephone, in-person, or virtually.

• According to researchers at Harvard University, we decide if we believe someone, like someone, and trust someone before we have even heard them speak. And we make those judgments in the first few seconds of meeting and rarely change them.

• Appearance counts for 55% of the impression you make. The attitude you project, both verbally and nonverbally, counts for 38%; and lastly, what you say only accounts for 7 %. Yes, 93% of a first impression is nonverbal.

• Image is the impression you make on others, and it is in your control.

  It is the tangible quality you project that people respond to emotionally and intellectually.

• If you have a very positive trait—if you are smart, handsome, funny, kind, and so forth—you are likely to be perceived as having other positive traits.   It is called the “halo effect.”

• Social media can count as a first impression, since most people will Google you before meeting you.  Be sure the impression you convey on social media will ensure you are given a chance to meet in person.

• Meetings and conferences are often held virtually now.  Follow the same guidelines for these meetings that you would for an in-person meeting. Grooming, attire, body language, and what you say will make a positive or negative impression.

A positive, powerful first impression rests on three pillars:

    I. APPEARANCE 

• How you look is important, not only in first impressions, but also in ongoing interactions. Your talent and suitability are evaluated through a critical filter, which is one of the main factors that inspire others to work with or for you. Consistently packaging yourself for success is vital in your chosen field.

• Dress the part by looking appropriate for our environment and the occasion. Demonstrating appreciation for time and place can be seen in one’s attire. Adhering to the dress codes of your workplace and dressing appropriately for events shows goodwill and recognition of the need to align with societal expectations.

  Attire is transformative; it shapes your self-perception and how you relate to the world. Your origin is irrelevant; your destination is what counts. By dressing the part, embodying the role, and coupling your refined appearance with a respectful and considerate demeanor towards others, you can become the person you aspire to be.

• Be well groomed and fit. Being well-groomed is equally, if not more, important than being appropriately dressed. Having styled hair, manicured nails, fresh breath, and wearing clean, ironed clothes with polished shoes are essential. A recent survey of U.S. senior leaders revealed that over a third view grooming and polish as crucial for making a positive impression. Moreover, there’s an increasing focus on fitness for the job today. The workplace has never been more demanding, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle through exercise and proper nutrition can significantly enhance your job performance and the impression you leave on others.

  II. ATTITUDE/BODY LANGUAGE

• Your attitude signals to others how you feel about yourself, the situation, and them. Your entrance, posture, eye contact, handshake, self-introduction, interaction with colleagues, and job performance all communicate your attitude.

• Your body language either confirms or contradicts your powerful image. Nonverbal cues such as the way you stand, your head movements, facial expressions, and gestures subconsciously confirm or contradict in the mind of the observer the visual message you convey by the way you are dressed. Projecting the correct image of confidence is crucial. In brief, maintaining direct eye contact, standing upright, and extending a firm handshake, along with a warm greeting, will ensure a positive first impression.

    III. ACTIONS

• Choose your words carefully.  Each verbal interaction, be it in-person or online, presents a crucial chance to establish and foster a favorable impression.

• Hone your communication skills. Your communication skills, both verbal and nonverbal, are what ultimately win you the attention and favorable opinion of colleagues, clients, and friends.

• Exhibit good manners and show respect towards others. Being courteous and treating people with respect will be noticed and work in your favor, just as poor manners will work against you. Good manners and consideration for others are timeless; and those who recognize that will find themselves not only sought after and promoted, but more importantly, at ease in any social or business situation.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

September 2025

Thrive in 2024: Be Polished. Be Prepared. Be Powerful.

Polish: Improve, refine, or add the finishing touches to.

Power: Ability to act or produce an effect.

Presence: A noteworthy quality of poise and effectiveness.

Countless opportunities have been lost for well-qualified individuals simply because they have not paid attention to their most visible credential—their presence. Very few credentials can compensate for a poor impression, inadequate social skills, and weak non-verbal communication. Prepare yourself to thrive in 2024 by acquiring the finely tuned social skills and polished presence needed for success in both your personal and professional life. 

A polished, powerful presence rests on three pillars:

• Appearance: How you look.

• Attitude:  How you carry yourself: your conduct, body language, and attitude.

• Actions: How you communicate, interact, and treat others.

I. Appearance:

• Your appearance remains one of the main factors that will encourage others to work with and for you. Your appearance is important, not only in first impressions, but also in ongoing interactions. It is the filter through which your talent and suitability will be evaluated. Package yourself for success!

• You should look appropriate for your environment, and authentic to you. Appropriate business attire for professional industries consists of quality fabrics and conservative styling in subdued colors. For executive positions in fashion-related industries, quality fabrics are important, but there is more latitude with styling and color. Technology firms may be more casual in their dress than most industries, but there are nevertheless certain standards to be maintained.

• You should always be well-groomed and fit.  Just as important– if not more so-than being appropriately dressed is being well-groomed.  Styled hair, well-tended nails, nice breath, clothes that are clean and pressed, shoes that are polished, etc. are a must. In fact, in a recent survey of senior leaders in the U.S., more than a third considered polish and grooming vital to a man and or woman making a good impression. And today, more emphasis is being placed on being and looking fit for a job. The workplace is more stressful today than ever. Exercising and eating right will help you meet the demands of your job, as well as add significantly to the impression you make on others.                                                                                                                                                          

 II. Attitude: Conduct/Body Language                                                           

We confirm or contradict our powerful image by using behavioral tools such as posture, engaging eye contact, a strong handshake, and a ready smile. Nonverbal cues such as stance, head movements, facial expressions, and gestures clarify out message.

• Your attitude sends signals to others how you feel about yourself, the situation, and them. The entrance you make, your eye contact, the way you shake hands, your posture, the way you introduce yourself and others, your people skills, and your business attire and accessories are all broadcasting plenty about you.                                                                                                   

• The rules for work are changing. You will be judged by a new yardstick, not just how smart you are, or by your training and expertise, but how well you handle yourself and others. According to research by Harvard University, The Carnegie Foundation, and The Stanford Research Institute, 85 percent of your success in getting a job, keeping a job, and moving up in an organization is connected to your people skills, or soft skills. Fifteen percent is based upon your technical skills or knowledge.

• Behaviors and habits that detract from making a good impression: smoking, chewing gum, biting fingernails, tugging at hair, rolling your eyes, tugging at your clothes, talking loudly in public, et cetera.

III. Actions:  How You Communicate, Interact and Treat Others

• Every verbal encounter in the real world, as well as the virtual one, is a vital opportunity to create and nurture a positive impression. Your communication skills, both verbal and non-verbal, are what ultimately win you the attention and mindshare of colleagues, clients, and friends.

• People like people who are interested in them and the world around them–not just themselves. By showing interest in others and the world around you, it shows that you are not self-absorbed, which will help you create positive impressions wherever you go. And the more well-informed you are, the more likely it is that you will have a conversation topic for each person you meet.

• Get people to talk about themselves. People like people who find them interesting. In fact, showing genuine interest is the easiest and most powerful way to make a good impression. Find out about their company. What are their interests? Find out anything that can be helpful in establishing rapport, since it is the first step in forming relationships with others.

• Show others you have similar attitudes. If you want to be favorably received, show others where you have similar attitudes. See where you agree rather than disagree.

• Learn when to talk and when to listen. What you do after you ask a question can reveal even more about you than the questions you ask. You reveal your true level of interest in the way you listen. Listen without interrupting or finishing others’ sentences, and direct your physical energy toward them—looking, leaning, and nonverbally responding to them.

• Be courteous. Good manners will be noticed and approved of, just as poor manners will work against one. In short, in the business world as well as elsewhere, good manners and consideration for others are timeless and those who recognize that will find themselves not only sought after and promoted, but more importantly, at ease in any social or business situation.

 By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

January 2024

Source: “THRIVE: The Ultimate Guide to Personal and Professional Success” by Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Your clothes are a reflection of the person you are. By the selection of your attire, your control the narrative before you even say a word, because what you wear provides a significant amount of information about you. The way you dress and groom yourself can not only change the way other people view you, but also the way they listen to what you say. When you dress well, people take you more seriously. Coworkers will ask for your input more often and want you on their team. Dressing well will open doors for you. It can change your life. Dressing well isn’t just a confidence booster, it’s a personal choice—a lifestyle that helps like-minded people come together—whether it be through social media, in virtual meetings, or in-person at the office.

Although the younger generations seem to be okay with the idea that what you wear to work and what you do for work don’t have to be entwined; unfortunately, or fortunately, depending upon your point of view, older generations believe they are.  The decision about the expected attire for employees at a particular company is made by the company’s management team. Companies set their dress codes to fit their company culture and clients. For many companies, their dress codes are, and have been, even before the pandemic, in a state of flux. What used to be only a suit-and-tie culture, for example, for white-collar industries, is no longer the expected attire at many companies. Now, often a man can wear a jacket, long-sleeved dress shirt, and slacks without a tie to meetings with clients. 

A study by Recruitment International found 61% of employees are more productive when they work in a place with a relaxed dress code. Having an adaptable workplace dress code allows employees to be comfortable, creative and enjoy going to work. And, having a more relaxed dress code will help more traditional companies attract and retain the best talent from the younger generations. Whatever decision each company makes about its company’s dress code policy should be clearly communicated to its employees. Specified dress codes give employees certainty, which relieves much of the anxiety of dressing for work, making them feel more confident and productive at work.  

Many of you will be dressing more casually for work this fall, as well as the foreseeable future; nevertheless, there are certain standards to be maintained and important considerations to keep in mind when getting dressed for work. And although “comfortable” seems to be the main consideration for choosing one’s attire now, it is possible to dress casually, as well as comfortably, and still be stylish. “Comfort and style are not enemies,” according to image expert Eve Michaels.

Brands like Alex Mill, Tommy John, M.M. Lafleur, and Wolf and Shepherd have recently introduced an entire new category of workleisure to meet the demand for cozy, stretching clothes, creating comfortable work clothing for professional and business casual settings, including dresses, blouses and skirts for women and button down shirts, chino pants, overcoats and shirts for men. Other brands such as Lululemon, Ministry of Supply, Olivers Apparel, Evermore, and others are jumping on the workleisure bandwagon, making polished comfortable pieces for a work-play, hybrid  wardrobe. With all the brands now making these clothes, it should be possible for everyone to find work attire that is both comfortable and stylish.

Following are 10 tips for stepping up your style and grooming to look like a  polished professional:

1. MAINTAIN A PROFESSIONAL IMAGE.

Although casual clothes may be acceptable for your profession or company, casual does not mean sloppy. In their fit, brand, and style, clothes should signal that you take your work seriously.  Casual clothing deserves the same attention to detail as a traditional corporate wardrobe. Clothing should be clean, wrinkle-free, and without holes or frayed areas. And, like suits and tailored clothing, casual business wear lasts longer and looks better with some special care.

Dressing professionally in the workplace gives you credibility and shows that you fit in with the work environment. People don’t take you seriously until you look a certain way. By dressing appropriately for meetings, whether it be in the office or via Zoom video calls, you project a professional image and understanding of the business culture. Dressing professionally will give you credibility.

 2. LOOK LIKE YOU CARE HOW YOU LOOK.

“Carelessness seems to signal that you don’t respect your coworkers or yourself,” says Sylvia Ann Hewlett, author of ”Executive Presence.” “You certainly don’t respect the client if you show up with soup on your tie or bitten nails, anything to make you look unkempt.” And, whatever you wear for work–whether it be formal or casual attire–look like you have put some thought into your choice and how you might appear to others.  You don’t need to be a fashion plate to look stylish, but being up-to-date with trends signals your skills are up-to-date as well. 

3. PAY ATTENTION TO THE FIT OF YOUR CLOTHING.

It doesn’t matter how much you spend on an article of clothing if it does not fit you properly. Most men’s stores and department stores with men’s departments have tailors in-house. If you buy something online, you will need to go to a tailor. Many dry cleaners have tailors or seamstress on the premises.

 4. SPEND TIME ON GROOMING.

Poor grooming compromises the ability of other people to see you as someone who is going places because it says that either you don’t notice sloppiness, or you don’t care enough to attend to it. For the polished executive, shirts should be pressed; leather shoes should be shined; sneakers–if you wear them for work–should be clean and in good condition; hair should be cut in a flattering style; and men’s beards should be neatly trimmed for most professions. 

5. TAILOR YOUR LOOK TO THE SITUATION.

When you go for an interview, it’s always advisable to dress like the people who work there so they will see you as one of them. “If it’s Microsoft, it’s one outfit; in the US Army, it’s another,” says executive recruiter Russell Reynolds.  “You have to look like you belong to the group, and you have to look a little better than the group.” To do that, pattern yourself after someone who’s particularly good at dressing a bit better than the rest of the group. Online or offline interviews require the same consideration for your attire and grooming. 

 6. BE SELECTIVE FOR A SUCCESSFUL IMAGE.

Select attire that complements your coloring and body type; choose the right clothing and accessories for your business look; adopt meticulous grooming habits, and build a coordinated wardrobe that combines proper fit and quality construction. 

 7. LOOK THE PART BY DRESSING TO THE LEVEL YOU ASPIRE.

For executive-level, professional, white-collar industries, appropriate business attire consists of quality fabrics and conservative styling in subdued colors. For executive-level positions in fashion-related industries, quality fabrics are also important, but there is more flexibility with styling and color. Technology firms tend to be more casual in their dress than most industries, but there are nevertheless certain standards to be maintained. As you are making your way up the ladder, look like you belong on the level above your current one.

 8. DRESS FOR YOUR CLIENT.

As a general rule, always dress for your client. If you are meeting with an older, more traditional client, for example, and he always wears a suit and tie, you might want to consider wearing a suit and tie when you meet with him. If you are meeting with a more casual, younger client in the tech industry, you can leave your tie at home. Keep in mind you are not only making a statement about yourself by the way you dress, but also the company you represent. Does your attire accurately represent your brand?

 9. FOLLOW THE +1/-1 RULE.

Sylvie Di Giusto, author of  “The Image of Leadership,” recommends dressing one level higher than your current professional level, but not two levels up because you will look overdressed. And, “Never dress down more than one level because you want to dress like the leader you want to be.” If you follow the +1/-1 rule you never risk being underdressed or overdressed.

10. REINFORCE YOUR WINNNG IMAGE WITH CONFIDENT BODY LANGUAGE.

You can look the part of the stylish, polished professional, but if your bearing doesn’t match or isn’t in harmony with your image, you will not be credible, or viewed as a winner. Upright posture, direct eye contact, a confident, natural stride, a warm smile, and a firm handshake are needed to successfully communicate your message of being a winner, since people believe what they see. 

 By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick 

September 2021

In the past year, the personal and professional demands placed upon working professionals in all industries surpass any experienced in the past. And, in spite of the improving state of the economy and millions who have already been vaccinated against the virus, it will be a long time before business returns to the way it was. And, in fact, predictions are that it will never completely return to the way it was before the COVID-19 pandemic.  In this challenging environment, the most sought-after job skills employers are currently seeking are soft, or “people” skills and a resilient, flexible attitude about work and the workplace—whether it be on-site or virtual. 

It is not enough now to simply have the education and technical skills required to do your job; you must also possess the polished soft skills that will enable you to distinguish yourself from the competition and help you develop and maintain business in today’s challenging and complex business environment.

“More than anything else, I hire for attitude. Skills can be learned. I’ll take attitude any day over a good skill set.”

                                                                                                                -G. J. Hart, New York Times Interview by Adam Bryant

Following is my seven-point plan to help you present yourself and your qualifications in the best manner possible to ensure you have the advantage over your competition, and that you are successful in your mission to land a job–whether you are interviewing for your first job; have lost your job and are interviewing for a new one; or are currently working but are seeking a challenging new opportunity. 

1. BEGIN WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

Relating to others is what etiquette is all about. The many ways in which you relate to others begins with your attitude. Your style of connecting with others, your way of communicating your respect of others, and your behavior toward others are all reflections of your attitude. According to Nicolas Boothman, author “Attitude is Everything, “The quality of your attitude controls the quality and appearance of everything you do.” Your attitude and professional image help form the first impression others have of you.

Everything you do is informed by your attitude. For some, this may be the most difficult time in your life. Very few people find searching for a job or going for an interview a pleasant experience; but, if you go for an interview with the same attitude you have when you go to the dentist, it is unlikely that you will present yourself in a positive manner. Your attitude is reflected in your facial expressions, body language, and voice. It is very difficult to “cover-up” a negative attitude. If you don’t feel good about yourself and your qualifications, it would be better to wait until you do; otherwise, you are wasting your time.

Whether it requires getting into shape, buying a new suit, seeking therapy, or going back to school to update your job skills, I would recommend that you consider these options before beginning your job search. When you go for an interview, projecting a positive, winning attitude and confidence in yourself will be relayed to the person with whom you have an interview, and make them more likely to view you in the same manner. People like people with positive, cheerful personalities, not people who project a defensive, “woe is me” attitude.

In a recent survey of college admissions officers, one admissions officer of an Ivy League university said, “Some 70 percent of kids who apply are qualified to come to school here; and we have space for one in ten. We can be as choosy as we like. It almost always comes down to whether or not you’re a likeable person. Let’s face it, some people are just more affable and more likeable than others.” The same can be said of the job market: there are many more qualified people than there are positions for them. The jobs will go to the people with the best attitudes and ability to relate to others.

People like people with positive, cheerful personalities.

2. CREATE A POWER PRESENCE

Appearances matter in first impressions. In fact, research has shown that appearance counts for 55 percent of the impression we make. With this in mind, it would not make sense to consider going for an interview until you have done a thorough review of the way you look and the impact you make on others. You are a product, and as such, need to take into consideration your appearance. Your appearance includes not only your physical being, but also your clothes, your grooming, your deportment. Like gift wrapping, the more “put together” your appearance, the more you leave a positive impression. If you have recently lost your job after being with the same company for many years, you may not have had to worry about your appearance, but now you do.

When interviewing for a job, people buy our entire package. Research has shown that the number one reason companies reject an applicant after the first interview is poor personal appearance. A picture is worth a thousand words, and so is your appearance. “People buy you with their eyes. The visual overwhelms the verbal,” writes Harry Beckwith, author of  “You, Inc.” Make sure that your personal package is as polished as your resume. Be aware of the company’s dress code policy before interviewing for a job. In general, it is better to dress conservatively and err on the formal side rather than be underdressed. Even if your interview will be online, the same advice applies. Dress and grooming will be as closely evaluated as if you were meeting in person. Even down to your shoes, wearing the right one will make you feel more put together and professional even if your interviewer cannot see them.

Put your best foot forward with a new pair of shoes!

3. REFINE YOUR SOFT SKILLS

In today’s competitive job market, it isn’t enough to be able to do your job well. Success in getting, keeping and advancing in a job depends 85 percent on soft or ”people” skills, and 15 percent on technical knowledge and skills, according to three separate research projects by Harvard University, the Carnegie Foundation, and the Stanford Research Institute. Knowing the rules of business etiquette and protocol and knowing how to handle yourself in social situations are key elements in being successful. If you have more than one interview with a company, it is likely that one will be a luncheon meeting, since they will want to see how polished your dining skills are. There is no better or possibly worse place to make an impression than at the table.  Are you prepared to shine at a luncheon interview?

The jobs will go to the best and the brightest and the most socially skillful!

4. CRITIQUE YOUR ASSETS AND QUALIFICATIONS

Your greatest asset is self-knowledge. Know what your special abilities are, what you like to do, what your true interests and passions are, what you do best, and of course, what you are qualified to do based upon your education and experience. Be creative and flexible in your approach to job hunting. Look at the transferable skills you have which can be used in a variety of industries.

Before you can sell your qualifications, you have to sell yourself!

5. GIVE YOUR RESUME AN EDGE

Resumes are different now: they are more succinct and results-oriented. Employers today buy results and are less interested in reading a laundry list of skills. Think about the jobs you have had and how you either made money for the companies for which you worked, or how you saved them money.

Another difference now is that savvy job seekers are beginning their resumes with personal brand statements. “A personal brand statement,” according to Tom Peters, ” is a statement that identifies the qualities or characteristics that make you distinctive from your competitors–what you do that adds remarkable, measurable, distinguished, or distinctive value.” It should not be more than two sentences.

Whatever you can tastefully do to make your resume stand out from the competition is also recommended. Recruiters are getting so many resumes now that even small efforts like using the corporate logos to represent your previous employers can help make yours get noticed. Or, consider turning your “resume” into a marketing package. After all, you are marketing a product: You!

Never send a resume without a cover letter. Your cover letter should not exceed one page, and it should convey why you are seeking a job with that particular company. Targeted job searches are generally much more successful than mass mailings to companies with which you have little familiarity. If you are e-mailing your resume, be sure to include a cover letter with it as well, and send a hard copy in the mail to the company.

You are marketing a product: You!

6. PREPARE FOR YOUR INTERVIEW

If you are fortunate enough to be granted an interview, prepare for it: rehearse, rehearse, rehearse! Whether it is with your career coach, your wife, a tape recorder, or in front of your dog, make sure you have your lines straight. You should have a short and well thought- out reason why you are looking for a job, as well as why you are interested in working for the company at which you are interviewing. You don’t have to apologize or make excuses for why you don’t currently have a job, or why you are looking for a job. Be positive! Being granted an interview is the same as being invited to a party: you were invited because someone wanted you to be there. And keep in mind that, according to Career Builder.com, it takes an average of seventeen interviews to get one offer.

It is also a good thing to keep in mind that particularly in today’s business environment companies are looking for people who are flexible and have a “can-do” positive attitude, as well as a passion for what they are doing. They want emotionally intelligent team players who will work together to help their company succeed during these difficult times. At some point during the interview, it would be advisable to let your interviewer know that you are this kind of person: adaptable, a team player, and willing to do whatever you can to help the company succeed.

Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse!

Following are 10 interview etiquette tips: 

1. Be on time. When you are late, it is not only rude, but also sends the message that you don’t really care about the interview. In fact, it is advisable to be ten minutes early to compose yourself before the meeting.
2. Be polite to the receptionist. The receptionist is the gate keeper, and if you are rude to her it sends the message that you will be rude to other people in the company. People skills are considered to be as, if not more important, than your ability to do a job.
3. Follow basic meeting etiquette. Stand up when you meet someone, introduce yourself, make eye contact and offer a firm handshake. Did you know your abilities may be judged by a three-second handshake? Your handshake speaks loudly about your professionalism, credibility and confidence. It communicates a powerful nonverbal message before you speak. A firm handshake conveys “I’m interested in you and confident in my business skills”, whereas a weak handshake may be interpreted as “I’m unsure of myself and I’m uncomfortable being here and meeting you.”  Due to the pandemic, however,  handshaking may not be part of your professional greeting for some time. As the person being interviewed,  wait until your host or interviewer signals his or her preferred greeting. It may be a simple nod of the head, accompanied by a warm smile,  verbal greeting and introduction. 
4. Walk into the room with authority and poise. Keep your shoulders back, spine erect and movements smooth when walking into your interviewer’s office. This conveys confidence in yourself. If you are meeting for a virtual interview, erect posture is especially important, since it will showcase your confidence.
5. Do not take a seat until one is offered. If you do, you will appear to be disrespectful and presumptuous.
6. Sit erect; do not slouch in your chair. This shows a lack of professionalism and is a reflection on your personality. Some experts say as much as 75 percent or more of a message is communicated nonverbally rather than verbally. Whether you are interviewing in person or virtually, erect posture is a positive executive presence signal.
7. Actively participate in the interview. Make eye contact, lean forward to show interest, nod your head, and smile when appropriate. Participating actively in an interview helps you establish a rapport with your interviewer. Try to find a common ground with your interviewer. People like to hire people with whom they are comfortable and with whom they have a rapport. And finally, be upbeat and personable without being overly familiar.
8. Be prepared with your script. This includes your 15-second personal introduction “pitch” that directly correlates with your “personal brand statement”, your situation and why you are looking for a job, your job experience, qualifications, and why you think you would be a good fit for the company. When you are asked to talk about yourself, this is your opportunity to present yourself in the best possible light. Make sure you make the most of it without seeming overly confident or arrogant.
9. Ask questions. Always ask questions when asked by the interviewer if you have any questions to ask him. Not doing so implies you are not interested in the company. If you have thoroughly prepared for the interview, you will have taken a list of questions with you.
10. Thank the Interviewer. Always thank the interviewer when you leave an interview and follow-up with a thank- you note. According to Harry Beckwith, “three in four executives consider applicants’ thank-you notes in making hiring decisions.” Apparently, however, only one in three applicants sends a thank-you note. A thank-you note only needs to be four sentences, and should simply thank the person for the interview, and not be a pretense for making another pitch.

7. LEARN HOW TO SHINE AT NETWORKING EVENTS

According to Phyllis Korkki, a writer for the New York Times, “You are more likely to find a job through someone you know. The larger the circle of people, and the more you cultivate it, the better off you will be.” Everyone learns the technical skills required for their jobs, but not everyone places importance on learning how to graciously interact with others in social situations. Learning how to shine at networking events with your charisma, presence, and style is one of the most important things you can learn when looking for a job.

“You are more likely to find a job through someone you know.”

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Updated: March 2021

We are in the midst of the Coronavirus Pandemic; and we have been advised to avoid hugging, kissing or shaking hands when we see someone we know or meet someone for the first time. So, what would be the appropriate non-contact way to greet someone in the professional arena when we encounter them this fall?

First of all, smile and make direct eye contact with the person.  Even if you are wearing a mask, which hopefully you will be, a smile will evident.

Then, you have the following non-contact choices for what to do next instead of shaking their hand:

1. You can simply nod your head as you state your greeting: “Hello, Mr. Johnson. It is a pleasure to meet you.” Of course, if you are greeting an Asian business person, you might nod your head lower, only slightly bowing if you are not Asian. Bowing is a sign of respect in the Asian culture.

2. You can put your hand over your heart as you state your greeting. Many cultures associate this gesture with honesty. It indicates that one is not bearing arms—as does the handshake– or that one appears to have genuine intentions, or is giving one’s word of honor. Of course in the United States we put our hand over our heart when pledging allegiance to the flag.

3. You can use the respectful Hindu Namaste greeting, which is done by placing one’s palms together, fingers pointed upwards and drawing the hands to the heart, while bowing your head slightly.  It is not necessary to say Namaste unless you are Hindu. This is a greeting I have seen a number of world leaders use.

4. A gesture that works for all brains in all cultures, according to John Tierney, is the “no-fear greeting,” or “palm-show” cue.  It is done by bending your right forearm along your side and showing an open palm. Exposing an open-palm is a universally-recognized sign of nonaggression.

5. You can use the Vulcan Salute, although like the Namaste greeting when the word “Namaste” is uttered, it has a religious connotation. It is a Jewish symbol that comes from the Torah and means live long and prosper.  It is done by raising one’s hand, with space between the middle and ring fingers. and the index fingers and thumb. It was a greeting used by Mr. Spock in Star Trek.

6. Or lastly, you can wave at the person; but if you wave, be sure to restrain your wave unless waving at a friend; and by all means avoid using the royal/regal wave unless you are a member of the royal family.   Waving is a friendly, universally-understood gesture. I prefer this greeting for the social arena, rather than the professional arena, but it all depends on your particular business environment.  If it is less formal, this greeting would be fine. 

You will note I did not recommend elbow bumps. Although I have seen a number of political figures and global leaders use this greeting, it looks unprofessional to me; and according to the World Health Organization, they are too close for comfort. What elbow bumps do do is provide a bit of levity or comic relief to those who employ them; and in these stressful times that is not a bad thing.  

If you are in doubt as to which non-contact greeting to use, I recommend using the one your colleagues use to build rapport with them; or if you are a junior executive meeting a senior executive or have a job interview or meeting with a client, I recommend deferring to that person by adopting his or her preferred non-contact greeting. Of course, another factor to consider is if you are meeting a person from a different culture. That is why the handshake is so ideal and will be missed until contact greetings are safe again. It is the most appropriate, professional greeting that was hitherto used around the globe—a greeting that was never misunderstood.

In case you missed the wonderful segment this spring on the end of handshaking that appeared on “CBS Sunday Morning News,” below is the link to it. I was pleased to be interviewed for it.

https://www.cbsnews.com/video/the-end-of-the-handshake/#x

Stay safe and stay well!

Patricia

Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick, August 2020

Connecting in the Age of Social Distancing

  “Just the briefest eye contact can heighten empathic feelings,

giving people a sense of being drawn together.”

                                             - Robert A. Lavine, Ph.D

Until very recently, a firm handshake was touted as the most professional and acceptable way to greet and connect with others in the business world. A firm handshake, along with direct eye contact, conveyed confidence and trustworthiness, as well as a genuine interest in meeting another person.  

So, what does one do now to convey these subconscious, nonverbal messages in the age of social distancing when we are being discouraged from shaking hands? We will need to rely on our eye contact to convey this messaging. Although it cannot entirely compensate for the hand-to-hand physical connection of a handshake, deliberate, warm eye contact can go a long way toward making the person you are meeting feel positive about you.

Eye contact is powerful! Why? Because according to neuroeconmics researcher Paul Zak, a single molecule controls our trust and it is oxytocin, which we are programmed to interpret as a nonverbal sign of goodwill. Oxytocin is released during mutual gazing, or eye contact, when it is held for three to five seconds. It is the same hormone that is released by our brains when we shake hands with someone. 

Eye contact is deeply rooted in our genes. Just as an extended hand meant we came in friendship in the early caveman days, one’s eye contact could mean the difference between life and death, attraction and indifference.

Although human beings have been making eye contact since the beginning of time, the term was only first coined in the mid-1960s and was defined as a meaningful and important sign of confidence, respect, and social communication.

Americans are firm in their belief that good eye contact, or mutual gazing, is important during business and social conversations. It is one of the most powerful ways to make a real connection with someone. Use it to build trust and show interest. When having a conversation with another person your eye contact tells the person you are listening; makes you a better listener; and focuses attention on the individual, which makes him or her feel more important while you look in control.

Signals eye contact sends:

1. Business gaze: Professional

Focuses on upper face: brows and forehead. Full attention on your eyes and words and look directly, but alternately, between your left and right eye.

2. Social gaze: Not professional

Focuses on mid-face: eyes and mouth.

3. Intimate gaze. Never in business.

Focuses on chest and below.

Averting the eyes often signifies a lack of sincerity or confidence, although direct eye contact is avoided in many cultures. In most cultures,  however, direct eye contact should be made 40 to 60 percent of the time, or for 3 to 5 seconds at a time. Less than that and a person is seen as shy, shifty, hiding something, or lacking self-confidence and authority.

If eye contact is more than 60 percent, or over 5 seconds, a person will feel put on the spot, examined, or under a microscope. Plus, it can be creepy or confrontational. 

If you sometimes get feedback that you are coming across as too critical or in a negative manner, and you don’t mean to do that, check your eye contact. You may be exceeding the comfortable amount of eye contact and people see this as being pinned down.

Do: 

• When you meet someone, let your eyes say, “I am delighted to meet you and am very much looking forward to working with you. I am someone you can trust to keep my word.”

• To be a good listener, let your eyes say, “I’m listening” and convey empathy and concern.

• When you are talking, watch your listener’s eyes to see if you are holding his or her attention. It does not matter what you say if the person you are speaking to is not listening. 

 By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick, April 2020

           10 Soft Skills to Refine to Achieve More Personal 

                      and Professional Success this Year

Much of what it takes to be successful in social settings is valuable in business as well. Impeccable manners and the ability to move with ease and grace in social circles are vital characteristics of powerful, successful people. If you are articulate, dress well, and back it up with the polished  social graces that put others at ease and enjoy being around you, virtually no group will exclude you.

It’s a new year, new decade–time for a new beginning!  Vow to become your unique, personal best. By refining the 10 soft skills outlined below, you will achieve more personal and professional success. 

1. Be open and confident.

When it comes to making the first impression, body language, as well as appearance, speaks louder than words. Use your body language to project appropriate confidence and self-assurance. Stand tall, smile, make eye contact, and shake hands with a firm grip.

 2. Dress appropriately and stylishly for all occasions; and always be well-groomed.

You should look appropriate for your environment and authentic to you. Being trendy is not important, but being current with accessories, especially shoes, color, and fashion accents indicates you are aware of what is fashionable.

“Good grooming is not just about making a polished first impression,” writes Sylvia Ann Hewlett in her book “Executive Presence.” “It is about signaling to your competitors, and yourself, that you are in total control.” When your nails are chipped, your shoes are scuffed, or your clothes are wrinkled, it is impossible to make a good impression.

3. Introduce yourself and others with warmth and enthusiasm.

Always prepare a self-introduction before going to a meeting or event. Say your name slowly and clearly, making eye contact when you introduce yourself. When introducing others, be sure to follow the rules for proper introductions, and always add something about each person to aid them in starting a conversation.

4. Be courteous.

In our modern world, how you treat others and your actions affect how people view you. Being thoughtful and thinking of others will never go out of style. When you are kind and have good manners, treat others as you would like to be treated, and make other people feel good about themselves, other people want to be around you. 

5. Build rapport for better relationships.

People like people like themselves. Try to establish a feeling that you are on the same wavelength when trying to build rapport with a new person. Pick up on key words, favorite phrases, and ways of speaking that someone uses, and build them subtly into your own conversation. Adopt a similar stance to them in terms of your body language, gestures, voice tone and speed. It is called “mirroring” and “matching.”

6. Master the art of small talk and making polite conversation.

Always have something to say. Be informed. Be conversant on a wide variety of topics. Appropriate topics of conversation include news events, sports, cultural events, entertainment, travel, hobbies, etc.

7. Listen and show genuine interest in others.

People like people who find them interesting. Nothing is more flattering to another person or wins more friends than someone who listens to them. It’s the secret weapon of charming, likable  people. 

“And above all, really focus on what is being said to you,” advises Heidi Grant Halvorson in “No One Understands You and What to Do About It.” “People need to feel they have been heard, even when you can’t give them what they are asking for.”

8. Convey warmth and competence.

According to Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy, perceptions of warmth and competence account for roughly 90 percent of the variability in whether you are perceived positively or negatively by others. Research shows eye contact, nodding, and smiling are the three key physical indicators of warmth.

 9. Sharpen your dining skills and table manners.

Let’s face it: We are judged by our table manners and we judge others by their table manners. Persons sitting at or near our table cannot help but notice our table manners or lack of them. If our table manners are good, they will judge us favorably; and if our table manners are poor, they will judge us unfavorably.

10. Build an authentic, honest, and compelling brand.

What defines you? What makes you unique? What is your highest value? Be that person on a consistent basis. Reinforce your brand at every opportunity—both online and offline. According to Sally Hogshead in “Project Fascination,” “To be more successful, you don’t have to change who you are, you only have to be more of what you are at your best.”

Wishing everyone a happy, healthy, productive 2020!  May all your goals for the new year come true!

Patricia

Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Founder, President

Updated: January 2020

 10 Tips for Communicating Confidence and Presence

with Your Powerful Body Language

“Unless the audience sees the right image, it doesn’t hear the right message. We believe it when we see it.”

                                                       -Mark Bowden, “Winning Body Language”

You can dress the part and say the right words—and granted these are extremely important—but if your body language does not match or is not congruent with your visual and verbal message, you will not be believable, or credible. In other words, you will not be able to successfully communicate your message.

From the moment you walk in the door, your body is telling people all about you; and body language is the fastest way you can showcase confidence to others and exude a winning first impression. Why is confidence so important? Because we are constantly looking for winners to lead us. According to a major study done by Carnegie Mellon, a professional’s confidence is more important than a professional’s reputation, skill set, or history.

Over half of the information you provide others about the connection you have with them comes from your body language, or body talk. In fact, 55 percent of a message in conveyed by body language; 38 percent by the tone of voice; and the verbal content only 7 percent of the perceived communication. Yes, 93% percent of communication is nonverbal.

1.     Stand tall and maintain a wide stance. 

Erect posture instantly identifies you as someone with something to contribute; and signals that you are confident. Stand like a winner. Not only will you look more confident, but you will feel more confident. And keep in mind that if you appear confident, people will think you have something to be confident about. People accept what you project,

Also keep in mind that when you sit, you want to maintain erect posture. Slouching or bad posture coveys you are a slob or not as competent as those who sit straight, according to Dr. Lillian Glass, a body language expert

“Your body shapes your mind. Your mind shapes your behavior. And your behavior shapes your future. Let your body tell that you’re powerful and deserving, and your will feel more confident.”

                                                                                   - Amy Cuddy, “Presence”

2.     Keep your head level; chin positioned properly.

A level head indicates an assured, candid, capable nature. It might also give your voice fuller tones and make you seem to be looking at people straight in the eye. A bowed head, eyes studying the floor, makes you look unsure, vulnerable, passive, and possibly even guilty of something.

3.     Walk the walk.

From the moment you walk in the room with dignity and easy confidence you tell people you are someone who matters. Walking well begins with perfect posture. Keep your rib cage high and chin up to add confidence to your walk. Think tall and light, keeping your weight forward on the balls of your feet. Do not settle into each step. Keep your momentum evenly spaced, and walk with a natural, comfortable rhythm. In general, powerful walking is more expansive, with more arm movement and a longer stride.

4.     Keep hands visible.

Avoid putting both hands in your pockets. It makes you appear uninterested or bored, uncommitted, and sometimes nervous. One hand is okay if the other hand is gesturing. Keeping hands open and palms facing upward indicates openness and honesty; and a willingness to connect with people.

“Pockets are murderers of rapport. When someone can see your hands, they feel more at ease and more likely to befriend you. When walking into a room or waiting to meet someone, keep your hands out of your pockets.”

                                                                        – Vanessa Van Edwards, “Captivate”

5.     Make eye contact.

Your eyes are powerful nonverbal tools in part because you make conscious choices of how to use them, and in part because they do a lot of things on their own. When meeting someone for the first time, it is considered polite to make eye contact for a few seconds, but it is considered quite rude to make eye contact and stare. Brief contact is considered normal, but outright staring at other people is interpreted as hostile or threatening. Not making eye contact is just as powerful. You might break eye contact and look away to signal to the other person you are ready to end the conversation or frustrated that the other person is talking too much. Not making eye contact when you meet someone for the first time is also a sign of low self-esteem, or lack of self-confidence. Eye contact should be made 40 to 60 % of the time in the appropriate eye zones.

 6.     Use facial expressions to reinforce communication.

Your face is the focal point of conversation and interaction, so the impact of its movements and expressions is magnified. The face is a tool for communicating emotions and feelings, but it is also important for regulating and directing an interaction. Once you have started a conversation with another person, your facial expressions help to encourage, or conversely, discourage further interest and interaction.

Being overly expressive, on the other hand, can detract from your credibility. In situations where you want to maximize your authority–minimize your movements and animation—especially if the audience is comprised mostly of men.  When you appear calm and contained, you look more powerful.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

7.     Give a warm smile.

Smiling is a powerful and positive nonverbal cue for signaling likeability and friendliness. It is especially important to smile when you are meeting someone, since it signals a sincere interest in meeting them. Women, however, should be aware that excessive smiling can make them appear less credible in the professional arena.

“Smiling has huge consequences for establishing connections. A smile can improve and repair relationships or ease conflict. It’s a way of saying to the other person you can be trusted.”

                                   - Marianne LaFrance, psychology professor at Yale University

 8.     Offer a firm handshake.

A handshake can produce a higher degree of trust within a matter of seconds; and the power of the handshake should never be underestimated. In the Western Culture, the only acceptable physical touching when you are meeting someone in business for the first time is the handshake. And, even with handshakes, there are many variations of the “basic” handshake. The most important thing to keep in mind, if you want to make a positive impression and convey confidence, is to firmly clasp the other person’s hand when shaking hands. Squeeze until you feel their muscles tighten, then stop.

“Handshaking is a valuable form of nonverbal communication. It is a form of interactive body language the offers insights into how the other person views the world, him or herself, and you. It is a vital, if usually subconscious, part of creating a first impression and sending a parting message.”

                                 - Robert E Brown and Dorothea Johnson, “The Power of Handshaking”

 9.     Create a credible, professional vocal image.

Voice is an important part of the nonverbal behaviors and cues that you both send and receive. Most people don’t know or understand the nonverbal influence of their voice. Before you meet someone for the first time, more than likely you have spoken to them on the telephone. Thus, the opinions they form of you are based on one thing only—your voice. It is vital, therefore, that you project the correct voice image.  Speak with optimal volume; articulate clearly; avoid mumbling; avoid filler words and sloppy words. Sound confident in what you are saying, avoiding up-speak and excessive apologies.

 10.  Use gestures to reinforce communication.

If you want to appear comfortable and unguarded, your gestures need to start talking when you begin to speak.  Don’t think about your gestures; they should appear natural and reinforce what you are saying. Hand gestures make people listen to you. They make people pay attention to the acoustics of speech, according to Spence Kelly, a professor at Colgate University. Use them sparingly at key moments. When you gesture too much or too expansively, it can be distracting and detract from your message.

I prefer for the gesturing to go no higher than the top of your chest, and no lower than the bottom of your waist. However, some body language experts believe the power sphere extends to your face.

“Picture your power sphere as a circle that runs from the top of your eyes, out to the tips of your outstretched hands, down to the belly button and back up to your eyes again. Hands that go below your navel lack energy and confidence.”

- Carmine Gallo, “Talk Like Ted”

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

       Updated October 2019

“Handshaking is a valuable form of nonverbal communication. It is a form of interactive body language that offers insights into how the other person views the world, him or herself, and you. It is a vital, if usually subconscious, part of creating a first impression and sending a parting message.”

                                          -Robert E. Brown and Dorothea Johnson, “The Power of Handshaking”

The French kiss, the Chinese bow; and yet, when the President of China recently met with the President of France, they shook hands. Do you know why? Because the handshake is the most acceptable greeting worldwide. It transcends cultures.

What impression are you making with your handshake?

Never underestimate the power of the perfect handshake! Since the beginning of time, we have reached out with our hands to say we come in friendship. That is still the meaning of a handshake.

The handshake is the only socially acceptable way in which one can touch another person in business in the Western Culture when meeting them for the first time. A handshake leaves an indelible message upon the other person.

Handshakes reveal one’s inner traits, personality, and the way one feels about the person they are meeting.

A handshake begins a business relationship; and it “seals the deal:” Let’s shake on it. In fact, that was all that was needed at one time between two people who had come to an agreement on a business deal.

The moment we have skin-to-skin touch with someone our bodies produces something called oxytocin. Oxytocin is the connection hormone. When you shake hands with someone your body produces it; and it is the exact hormone you both need to build trust and then a deeper connection. 

Why is a powerful handshake so important?        

Because in less than five seconds, a prospective employer, client or business associate can learn a lot about you – whether you’re trustworthy, confident and competent, and whether you follow through. A good handshake accompanied by direct eye contact and a warm smile signals you are confident and trustworthy—the two most important traits for a business person to possess.

To make a winning first impression, you need a powerful handshake. To stand out from the competition, you need a powerful handshake. To land the job, you need a powerful handshake. Many people have lost job and business opportunities due to a poor handshake. That’s how important a powerful handshake is.

How to Master the Powerful Handshake

1. Always be prepared for a handshake by making sure your right hand is always free to shake hands. Shift anything you are carrying to your left hand—particularly cold drinks which can make your hands feel cold and clammy.
2. Never shake hands with your left hand in your pocket. Both hands should be visible.
3. Always stand for a handshake—man or woman.
4. Make eye contact and smile warmly. Beware of smiling too much since it will make you appear over-eager. Tip: Make eye contact long enough to note the color of the person’s eyes.
5. Keep your head straight and face the other person shoulder-to-shoulder, heart-to-heart. Keep about 18” between you and the other person.
6. Flex knees; move right foot 2” ahead of the left as you extend your right hand.
7. Extend your hand vertically with the thumb up and fingers out. Avoid palm down (dominant) or palm up (submissive). And don’t extend your hand with the thumb up and fingers curled. Angle your thumb straight to the ceiling.
8. Don’t begin your handshake until you have connected web-to-web and the palms of your hands are touching.
9. Shake from the elbow, not the wrist or shoulder, with two smooth pumps.
10. Squeeze until you feel their muscles tighten, and then stop. Match the other person’s grip.

Handshakes to Avoid:

• Bone crusher
• Limp fish
• Glove Handshake

Always Shake Hands:

• When introduced to a person and when you say goodbye.
• When someone comes to your home or office to visit you.
• When introduced to a person and when you say goodbye.
• When someone comes into your home or office to visit you.
• When you meet someone outside your home or office.
• When you enter a room, are greeted by those you know, or are introduced to those you do not know.
• When you leave a gathering attended by friends or business associates.
• When you are congratulating a person who has won an award, or has given a speech.
• With those nearest you, your host, and with whomever you meet as you move around the room.
• After you have signed a contract.
• At the end of a game.

The Man-Woman Issue

• Historically, men were not expected to shake hands with a woman, but today, everyone is expected to shake hands with everyone in business. And a man should give a woman the same firm handshake he gives a man. In social situations, however, a man should wait for a woman to extend her hand first. In Europe, a man should wait for a woman to extend her hand in business as well as social situations.

• In general, the person with the higher status—man or woman—will initiate the handshake—in the Western culture. When other people observe the interaction, they perceive the initiator as having more status. When a woman walks up to a man and reaches out her hand to him, initiating the handshake, she is conveying to him, as well as to the rest of the world that she views her status as at least equal to and possibly even greater than his.

Handshaking Internationally

Handshakes can vary by culture. For instance, in the Middle East, a handshake is rather limp and lingering. In Japan, a light handshake and a nod of head are appropriate. Do your homework before traveling to another country for business. First impressions are made in seconds; and the first impression begins with your greeting.

Homework Assignment

Shake hands with several people in your office and ask them to evaluate your handshake? Is it too weak? Is it too strong?  Or, is it a firm handshake, accompanied by confident, warm, open body language?            

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick
April 2019

                                            – Mark Bowden, “Winning Body Language”

You can dress the part and use the right words—and granted these are extremely important—but if your body language does not match, or is not congruent, with your visual and verbal message, you will not be believable. In other words, you will not be able to successfully communicate your message.                                

From the moment you walk in the door, your body is telling people all about you; and body language is the fastest way you can showcase confidence to others and exude a winning first impression. Why is confidence so important? Because we are constantly looking for winners to lead us. According to a major study done by Carnegie Mellon University, a professional’s confidence is more important than a professional’s reputation, skill set, or history.

Over half of the information you provide others about the connection you have with them comes from your body language, or body talk. In fact, 55 percent of a message in conveyed by body language; 38 percent by the tone of voice; and the verbal content only 7 percent of the perceived communication. Yes, 93% percent of communication is nonverbal.

Following are 10 body language cues you can use to showcase your confidence and professional presence:

1.     Stand tall and maintain a wide stance.   

Erect posture instantly identifies you as someone with something to contribute; and signals that you are confident. Stand like a winner. Not only will you look more confident, but you will feel more confident. And keep in mind that if you appear confident, people will think you have something to be confident about. People accept what you project.

Also keep in mind that when you sit, you want to maintain erect posture. Slouching or bad posture coveys you are a slob or not as competent as those who sit straight, according to Dr. Lillian Glass, a body language expert.

“Your body shapes your mind. Your mind shapes your behavior. And your behavior shapes your future. Let your body tell that you’re powerful and deserving, and you will feel more confident.”                  

 -Amy Cuddy, “Presence”

 2.     Keep your head level; chin positioned properly.

A level head indicates an assured, candid, capable nature. It might also give your voice fuller tones and make you seem to be looking at people straight in the eye. A bowed head, eyes studying the floor, makes you look unsure, vulnerable, passive, and possibly even guilty of something.

3.     Walk the walk.

From the moment you walk in the room with dignity and easy confidence you tell people you are someone who matters. Walking well begins with perfect posture. Keep your rib cage high and chin up to add confidence to your walk. Think tall and light, keeping your weight forward on the balls of your feet. Do not settle into each step. Keep your momentum evenly spaced, and walk with a natural, comfortable rhythm. In general, powerful walking is more expansive, with more arm movement and a longer stride.

 4.     Keep hands visible.

Avoid putting both hands in your pockets. It makes you appear uninterested or bored, uncommitted, and sometimes nervous. One hand is okay if the other hand is gesturing. Keeping hands open and palms facing upward indicates openness and honesty; and a willingness to connect with people.

“Pockets are murderers of rapport. When someone can see your hands, they feel more at ease and more likely to befriend you. When walking into a room or waiting to meet someone, keep your hands out of your pockets.”

 - Vanessa Van Edwards, “Captivate”

 5.     Make eye contact.

Your eyes are powerful nonverbal tools in part because you make conscious choices of how to use them, and in part because they do a lot of things on their own. When meeting someone for the first time, it is considered polite to make eye contact for a few seconds, but it is considered quite rude to make eye contact and stare. Brief contact is considered normal, but outright staring at other people is interpreted as hostile or threatening. Not making eye contact is just as powerful. You might break eye contact and look away to signal to the other person you are ready to end the conversation or frustrated that the other person is talking too much. Not making eye contact when you meet someone for the first time is also a sign of low self-esteem, or lack of self-confidence. Eye contact should be made 40 to 60 % of the time in the appropriate eye zones.

 6.     Use facial expressions to reinforce communication.

Your face is the focal point of conversation and interaction, so the impact of its movements and expressions is magnified. The face is a tool for communicating emotions and feelings, but it is also important for regulating and directing an interaction. Once you have started a conversation with another person, your facial expressions help to encourage, or conversely, discourage further interest and interaction.

Being overly expressive, on the other hand, can detract from your credibility. In situations where you want to maximize your authority–minimize your movements and animation—especially if the audience is comprised mostly of men.  When you appear calm and contained, you look more powerful.

  7.  Give a warm smile.

Smiling is a powerful and positive nonverbal cue for signaling likeability and friendliness. It is especially important to smile when you are meeting someone, since it signals a sincere interest in meeting them. Women, however, should be aware that excessive smiling can make them appear less credible in the professional arena.

“Smiling has huge consequences for establishing connections. A smile can improve and repair relationships or ease conflict. It’s a way of saying to the other person you can be trusted.”  

 - Marianne LaFrance, Psychology Professor, Yale University

 8.     Offer a firm handshake.

A handshake can produce a high degree of trust within a matter of seconds; and the power of the handshake should never be underestimated. In the Western Culture, the only acceptable physical touching when you are meeting someone in business for the first time is the handshake. And, even with handshakes, there are many variations of the “basic” handshake. The most important thing to keep in mind, if you want to make a positive impression and convey confidence, is to firmly clasp the other person’s hand when shaking hands. Squeeze until you feel their muscles tighten, then stop.

“Handshaking is a valuable form of nonverbal communication. It is a form of interactive body language the offers insights into how the other person views the world, him or herself, and you. It is a vital, if usually subconscious, part of creating a first impression and sending a parting message.”                               

  – Robert E Brown and Dorothea Johnson, “The Power of Handshaking”

9.     Create a credible, professional vocal image.  

Voice is an important part of the nonverbal behaviors and cues that you both send and receive. Most people don’t know or understand the nonverbal influence of their voice. Before you meet someone for the first time, more than likely you have spoken to them on the telephone. Thus, the opinions they form of you are based on one thing only—your voice. It is vital, therefore, that you project the correct vocal image.  Speak with optimal volume; articulate clearly; avoid mumbling; avoid filler words and sloppy words. Sound confident in what you are saying, avoiding up-speak and excessive apologies.

 10.  Use gestures to reinforce communication.

If you want to appear comfortable and unguarded, your gestures need to start talking when you begin to speak.  Don’t think about your gestures; they should appear natural and reinforce what you are saying. Hand gestures make people listen to you. They make people pay attention to the acoustics of speech, according to Spence Kelly, a professor at Colgate University. Use them sparingly at key moments. When you gesture too much or too expansively, it can be distracting and detract from your message.

I agree with the body language experts who recommend gesturing to no higher than the top of your chest, and no lower than the bottom of your waist. However, some body language experts believe the power sphere extends to your face.

“Picture your power sphere as a circle that runs from the top of your eyes, out to the tips of your outstretched hands, down to the belly button and back up to your eyes again. Hands that hang below your navel lack energy and confidence.

 -  Carmine Gallo, “Talk Like Ted”

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

       November 2018