Professional Success in the AI Age:

   Mastering Soft Skills and AI Fluency

Artificial intelligence has moved from novelty to necessity. It drafts emails, analyzes data, accelerates research, and reshapes workflows across every industry. Yet amid this technological acceleration, one truth has become unmistakably clear: the professionals who thrive are not the ones who rely on AI alone, but those who pair it with refined soft skills. Success in the new AI world is not about competing with machines. It is about elevating the qualities that make you distinctly human.

I do not yet possess AI fluency, but I have begun employing AI for assistance in number of areas in my life, such as my latest book, and have found it tremendously impressive, amazingly fast, and extremely helpful. Although I have been intimidated by technology in the past, I hope to learn more ways to incorporate AI into my life as time goes by. 

With assistance from Microsoft Copilot, an AI companion, I’ve prepared a brief primer to build your understanding of AI fluency and soft (people) skills, show how the work together, and demonstrate how you can use them to stay relevant and succeed in the modern workplace.

The Human Advantage: Soft Skills That Matter More Than Ever

AI can process information at extraordinary speed, but it cannot replicate emotional nuance, ethical judgment, or creative intuition. These human capacities are becoming the new professional differentiators.

Communication

Clear, thoughtful communication is now a superpower. Whether you’re guiding a team, prompting an AI tool, or presenting ideas, your ability to articulate meaning with precision and warmth determines the quality of the outcome.

Emotional Intelligence

AI can analyze patterns, but it cannot sense tension, build trust, or navigate interpersonal dynamics. Emotional intelligence—your ability to read people and respond with empathy—remains irreplaceable.

Adaptability

The AI landscape evolves quickly. Professionals who stay curious, flexible, and open to new tools will move through this era with confidence rather than overwhelm.

Critical Thinking

AI can generate answers, but it cannot guarantee accuracy or context. Your discernment—your ability to evaluate, refine, and question—ensures that technology supports your goals rather than misguiding them.

Creativity

AI can spark ideas, but it cannot originate your lived experience, taste, or intuition. Creativity becomes even more powerful when paired with AI’s generative capabilities.

AI Fluency: The New Professional Literacy

AI fluency is not technical mastery. It is comfort, curiosity, and the ability to integrate AI into your workflow with intention.

What AI Fluency Really Means

• Understanding what AI can and cannot do

• Writing clear, effective prompts

• Using AI to accelerate thinking, not replace it

• Maintaining a critical eye toward accuracy and bias

• Applying AI tools to enhance—not overshadow—your expertise

Practical Ways Professionals Use AI Today

• Drafting emails, proposals, and reports

• Brainstorming ideas or outlining presentations

• Summarizing research or identifying trends

• Preparing talking points or refining messaging

• Exploring creative variations or strategic scenarios

AI fluency is simply the modern extension of professional literacy—like learning to use email or spreadsheets once was.

Where Soft Skills and AI Meet: A Powerful Synergy

The magic happens when human strengths and AI capabilities work together.

Communication + AI

AI can help you draft faster, but your voice gives the message its clarity and impact.

Critical Thinking + AI

AI can surface information, but your judgment determines what is relevant and ethical.

Creativity + AI

AI can generate possibilities, but your imagination shapes the final direction.

Leadership + AI

AI can streamline operations, but your presence and empathy inspire people.

This synergy creates a modern professional identity that is both human and technologically empowered.

How to Build These Skills with Intention

Strengthening Soft Skills

• Practice active listening

• Seek feedback on communication style

• Engage in reading, writing, and creative play

• Cultivate presence and emotional awareness

Building AI Fluency

• Experiment with AI tools for small tasks

• Practice writing clear, specific prompts

• Compare AI outputs with your own thinking

• Stay curious about new capabilities without pressure to master everything

Progress comes from steady, intentional practice—not from trying to learn everything at once.

Pitfalls to Avoid in the AI Era

• Relying on AI without human oversight

• Using AI to replace thinking rather than enhance it

• Neglecting interpersonal skills because technology feels faster

• Assuming AI literacy is purely technical

Balance is the goal—technology in service of your humanity.

A Human‑Centered Future

The AI age is not a departure from what makes us human. It is an invitation to deepen our strengths, refine our communication, and approach our work with greater clarity and intention. When we pair soft skills with AI fluency, we create a professional identity that is modern, resilient, and distinctly human.

The future belongs to those who embrace this harmony—those who stay curious, lead with empathy, and use technology to expand what is possible. And, as one corporate human resource executive recently said, people will not necessarily lose their jobs to AI, but they may not be promoted if they do not possess AI fluency and use it to be more efficient in their jobs. 

For readers looking to deepen their growth in this new era, my book “THRIVE: The Ultimate Guide to Personal and Professional Success” pairs perfectly with H. James Wilson’s book “Human + Machine,” an accessible, executive friendly introduction to AI’s impact on modern work. 

Mastering the soft skills outlined in THRIVE, combined with a working understanding of how AI is shaping the workplace, will help you to stay relevant and succeed in the modern era.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick and Microsoft Copilot

January 2026

         The Power of Positive First Impressions in Business 

“A first impression is the most important impression you’ll ever make—and you only get one chance to make it. Business deals can be made or broken, first dates become second dates or not, friendships are created or fail to form; everything hinges on that all-important initial encounter.”

 -Ann Demarais, Ph.D., and Valerie White, Ph.D., author of “First Impressions”

We live in a fast-paced, global society and people make instant judgments about you that can either open doors for you or close them. Priceless opportunities have been lost for individuals because they have not paid attention to their most visible asset—their presence. Very few degrees or skills can compensate for a poor impression, inadequate social skills, or weak non-verbal communication.  And on a personal level, your presence is just as important. It can either work for you or keep people from wanting to get to know you.

Positive or negative impressions are made by the first contact between two people. The first contact may be written, by telephone, in-person, or virtually.

• According to researchers at Harvard University, we decide if we believe someone, like someone, and trust someone before we have even heard them speak. And we make those judgments in the first few seconds of meeting and rarely change them.

• Appearance counts for 55% of the impression you make. The attitude you project, both verbally and nonverbally, counts for 38%; and lastly, what you say only accounts for 7 %. Yes, 93% of a first impression is nonverbal.

• Image is the impression you make on others, and it is in your control.

  It is the tangible quality you project that people respond to emotionally and intellectually.

• If you have a very positive trait—if you are smart, handsome, funny, kind, and so forth—you are likely to be perceived as having other positive traits.   It is called the “halo effect.”

• Social media can count as a first impression, since most people will Google you before meeting you.  Be sure the impression you convey on social media will ensure you are given a chance to meet in person.

• Meetings and conferences are often held virtually now.  Follow the same guidelines for these meetings that you would for an in-person meeting. Grooming, attire, body language, and what you say will make a positive or negative impression.

A positive, powerful first impression rests on three pillars:

    I. APPEARANCE 

• How you look is important, not only in first impressions, but also in ongoing interactions. Your talent and suitability are evaluated through a critical filter, which is one of the main factors that inspire others to work with or for you. Consistently packaging yourself for success is vital in your chosen field.

• Dress the part by looking appropriate for our environment and the occasion. Demonstrating appreciation for time and place can be seen in one’s attire. Adhering to the dress codes of your workplace and dressing appropriately for events shows goodwill and recognition of the need to align with societal expectations.

  Attire is transformative; it shapes your self-perception and how you relate to the world. Your origin is irrelevant; your destination is what counts. By dressing the part, embodying the role, and coupling your refined appearance with a respectful and considerate demeanor towards others, you can become the person you aspire to be.

• Be well groomed and fit. Being well-groomed is equally, if not more, important than being appropriately dressed. Having styled hair, manicured nails, fresh breath, and wearing clean, ironed clothes with polished shoes are essential. A recent survey of U.S. senior leaders revealed that over a third view grooming and polish as crucial for making a positive impression. Moreover, there’s an increasing focus on fitness for the job today. The workplace has never been more demanding, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle through exercise and proper nutrition can significantly enhance your job performance and the impression you leave on others.

  II. ATTITUDE/BODY LANGUAGE

• Your attitude signals to others how you feel about yourself, the situation, and them. Your entrance, posture, eye contact, handshake, self-introduction, interaction with colleagues, and job performance all communicate your attitude.

• Your body language either confirms or contradicts your powerful image. Nonverbal cues such as the way you stand, your head movements, facial expressions, and gestures subconsciously confirm or contradict in the mind of the observer the visual message you convey by the way you are dressed. Projecting the correct image of confidence is crucial. In brief, maintaining direct eye contact, standing upright, and extending a firm handshake, along with a warm greeting, will ensure a positive first impression.

    III. ACTIONS

• Choose your words carefully.  Each verbal interaction, be it in-person or online, presents a crucial chance to establish and foster a favorable impression.

• Hone your communication skills. Your communication skills, both verbal and nonverbal, are what ultimately win you the attention and favorable opinion of colleagues, clients, and friends.

• Exhibit good manners and show respect towards others. Being courteous and treating people with respect will be noticed and work in your favor, just as poor manners will work against you. Good manners and consideration for others are timeless; and those who recognize that will find themselves not only sought after and promoted, but more importantly, at ease in any social or business situation.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

September 2025

10 Soft Skills Essential for Thriving in the AI Era 

                              “While we do not know the full effect or the precises rate at which AI will change our business–or how it will affect society at large–we are completely convinced the consequences will be extraordinary.”

                                                                                         Jamie Dimon, CEO of Chase 

Jamie Dimon and Elon Musk say Artificial Intelligence will be smarter than humans and transform society. It’s understandable that many people are concerned about the future and what it may bring. Artificial Intelligence (AI)) is on the verge of pervading every company and industry worldwide, if it has not already. It is poised to enhance the efficiency of goods and services production, as well as offer fresh and potentially more astute insights into their development. It stands to reason some occupations will be replaced or become obsolete; therefore, acquiring skills that will be indispensable in the upcoming era of AI is crucial to secure your place in this new era.

As AI becomes more integrated into workplaces, the importance of soft skills is increasing. Recent studies suggest that in the age of Artificial Intelligence employers are expected to increasingly value soft skills that enhance human interactions and cultivate company cultures centered around people. This is because Artificial Intelligence is predicted to be most effective when it augments human abilities and helps to strengthen human connections. Along with these soft skills, adaptability and a commitment to ongoing self-learning will also be essential to remain relevant and sought-after, particularly with the rapid advancement of AI technologies. 

Regardless of the color of the collar–blue, white, or new color (jobs that do not require a traditional college degree but do require a great deal of skill) –you wear or the position you hold, you can enhance your indispensability and thrive in the AI era by refining your soft skills. These abilities cannot be matched by Artificial Intelligence.

But what are soft skills? Soft skills refer to a cluster of personal traits, including your work ethic, your attitude, your communication skills, and a host of other personal attributes that are crucial for success in business. Soft skills are also known as interpersonal skills, social skills, and people skills. Soft skills are 85% of success in getting a job, keeping a job, and moving up in an organization; technical skills or the knowledge required for a job account for 15%, according to research.

Artificial Intelligence should be regarded as a collaborative tool to support you in your role or tasks, rather than a substitute for competent individuals endowed with superior soft skills. Keep this in mind and welcome the incredible advancements of AI with anticipation, rather than apprehension.

Here are ten soft skills essential for thriving in the AI era:

1. Be interested in others and the world around you. People like people who are interested in them and the world around them—not just in themselves. “Your goal is to make others feel comfortable around you by focusing on them; and you can influence people’s perceptions of you by playing to their needs,” writes Camille Lavington in “You’ve Got Three Seconds.” Knowing what is going on in the world will not only make you appear less egocentric, but it will also equip you with conversation topics for everyone with whom you come into contact.  

2. Be a good listener and ask questions. “Research has consistently demonstrated that ineffective listening habits present the most common barriers to success in relationships and careers,” according to Larry Barker and Kittie Watson, authors of “Listen Up.” People like to know they are being heard and that their ideas are appreciated. By being a good listener, you let others know that you value them and what they have to say. Etiquette expert Letitia Baldridge says, “Politeness decrees that you must listen to be kind; intelligence decrees that you must listen to learn.”

3. Be skilled at relationship management. “Relationship management is your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully,” according to Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, authors of “Emotional Intelligence 2.0.” People like to work with people they like, trust, and feel understand them. Today’s workplace can be very stressful; but when you are skilled at relationship management, you can more effectively work with your team members to overcome seemingly insurmountable challenges and obstacles to achieve a win-win scenario for all. AI will not be able to replace the need for emotional support and human interaction. 

“It (AI) needs to connect, understand, and respond to human emotions in a way that actually feels authentic and meaningful,” says Angel Vossough, Cofounder and Chief Executive of Better AI 

4. Be good natured; have a sense of humor. Be positive; try to make the best of situations; and don’t take yourself too seriously. A judicious and tasteful sense of humor can often deflate tense situations; and studies show having a sense of humor can help you get ahead at work. A Robert Half International survey, for instance, found that 91% of executives believe a sense of humor is important for career advancement; while 84% feel that people with a good sense of humor do a better job. Another study by Bell Leadership Institute found that the two most desirable traits in leaders were a strong work ethic and a good sense of humor. “A sense of humor is the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.”  -Dwight D. Eisenhower

5. Be a team player. “We’re all in this together; and let’s make it work” is an attitude that is appreciated by everyone. To paraphrase Harvard professor David Deming in his paper “The Growing Importance of Social Skills in the Labor Market,” “As work is becoming more team-oriented, workers with strong soft skills are more able to work well with others and will be considered more valuable, since good teamwork increases productivity.” AI will have the capability to automate tasks, yet it cannot supplant the necessity for cohesive teamwork.

 6. Be an ethical leader. To inspire your team, you must lead by example, demonstrating character and integrity. Make sure your habits and actions match your words. Establish trust and transparency with your team, your superiors and your clients. Above all, strive to be a just and kind leader, treating individuals with dignity and respect. Trustworthiness and ethical decision making are soft skills that cannot be automated. 

 7. Be confident. “Confidence is important because it is the most attractive personal brand attribute. When someone exudes confidence, we want to work with them; we are more likely to follow their lead,” says William Arruda, personal branding expert. And “Employers will know they can trust you with a project and that you are likely going to be good at motivating others as well,” according to Dr. Katharine Brooks, author of “You Majored in What? Your Path from Chaos to Career.” “Fake it until you become it.” Amy Cuddy, author of “Presence”

 8. Be an effective communicator. Communication skills are some of the most important skills you will need to succeed in the workplace. “First communication is not so much what you say, but rather how you say it. And this you can condition and control,” according to Sylvania Ann Hewlett, author of “Executive Presence.” Your words and your body language must be congruent to be believable.

 Furthermore, in order to be an effective communicator, you must understand what your message is, what audience you are sending it to, and how it will be perceived. If is it not perceived the way you intended it be perceived, you did not effectively communicate your message. 

“It (AI) needs to connect, understand, and respond to human emotions in a way that actually feels authentic and meaningful,” says Angel Vossough, Cofounder and Chief Executive of Better AI 

 9. Be skilled at making small talk. Small talk “breaks the ice;” it makes others feel comfortable and puts them at ease. It is the first level of a conversation; it is about the current situation—how you got there, the weather, the location, mutual friends or other connections. When you work in an office environment, making small talk and socializing with team members is essential for building rapport with them.

 10. Be polite and treat everyone with respect. Good manners will be noticed and approved of just as poor manners will work against one. Having good manners and a respectful attitude toward others will make people want to be around you—in and out of the office.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Updated: March 2024

Note: This article employed the use of Bing Copilot (ChatGPT). It is an outstanding resource for writers.

Thrive in 2024: Be Polished. Be Prepared. Be Powerful.

Polish: Improve, refine, or add the finishing touches to.

Power: Ability to act or produce an effect.

Presence: A noteworthy quality of poise and effectiveness.

Countless opportunities have been lost for well-qualified individuals simply because they have not paid attention to their most visible credential—their presence. Very few credentials can compensate for a poor impression, inadequate social skills, and weak non-verbal communication. Prepare yourself to thrive in 2024 by acquiring the finely tuned social skills and polished presence needed for success in both your personal and professional life. 

A polished, powerful presence rests on three pillars:

• Appearance: How you look.

• Attitude:  How you carry yourself: your conduct, body language, and attitude.

• Actions: How you communicate, interact, and treat others.

I. Appearance:

• Your appearance remains one of the main factors that will encourage others to work with and for you. Your appearance is important, not only in first impressions, but also in ongoing interactions. It is the filter through which your talent and suitability will be evaluated. Package yourself for success!

• You should look appropriate for your environment, and authentic to you. Appropriate business attire for professional industries consists of quality fabrics and conservative styling in subdued colors. For executive positions in fashion-related industries, quality fabrics are important, but there is more latitude with styling and color. Technology firms may be more casual in their dress than most industries, but there are nevertheless certain standards to be maintained.

• You should always be well-groomed and fit.  Just as important– if not more so-than being appropriately dressed is being well-groomed.  Styled hair, well-tended nails, nice breath, clothes that are clean and pressed, shoes that are polished, etc. are a must. In fact, in a recent survey of senior leaders in the U.S., more than a third considered polish and grooming vital to a man and or woman making a good impression. And today, more emphasis is being placed on being and looking fit for a job. The workplace is more stressful today than ever. Exercising and eating right will help you meet the demands of your job, as well as add significantly to the impression you make on others.                                                                                                                                                          

 II. Attitude: Conduct/Body Language                                                           

We confirm or contradict our powerful image by using behavioral tools such as posture, engaging eye contact, a strong handshake, and a ready smile. Nonverbal cues such as stance, head movements, facial expressions, and gestures clarify out message.

• Your attitude sends signals to others how you feel about yourself, the situation, and them. The entrance you make, your eye contact, the way you shake hands, your posture, the way you introduce yourself and others, your people skills, and your business attire and accessories are all broadcasting plenty about you.                                                                                                   

• The rules for work are changing. You will be judged by a new yardstick, not just how smart you are, or by your training and expertise, but how well you handle yourself and others. According to research by Harvard University, The Carnegie Foundation, and The Stanford Research Institute, 85 percent of your success in getting a job, keeping a job, and moving up in an organization is connected to your people skills, or soft skills. Fifteen percent is based upon your technical skills or knowledge.

• Behaviors and habits that detract from making a good impression: smoking, chewing gum, biting fingernails, tugging at hair, rolling your eyes, tugging at your clothes, talking loudly in public, et cetera.

III. Actions:  How You Communicate, Interact and Treat Others

• Every verbal encounter in the real world, as well as the virtual one, is a vital opportunity to create and nurture a positive impression. Your communication skills, both verbal and non-verbal, are what ultimately win you the attention and mindshare of colleagues, clients, and friends.

• People like people who are interested in them and the world around them–not just themselves. By showing interest in others and the world around you, it shows that you are not self-absorbed, which will help you create positive impressions wherever you go. And the more well-informed you are, the more likely it is that you will have a conversation topic for each person you meet.

• Get people to talk about themselves. People like people who find them interesting. In fact, showing genuine interest is the easiest and most powerful way to make a good impression. Find out about their company. What are their interests? Find out anything that can be helpful in establishing rapport, since it is the first step in forming relationships with others.

• Show others you have similar attitudes. If you want to be favorably received, show others where you have similar attitudes. See where you agree rather than disagree.

• Learn when to talk and when to listen. What you do after you ask a question can reveal even more about you than the questions you ask. You reveal your true level of interest in the way you listen. Listen without interrupting or finishing others’ sentences, and direct your physical energy toward them—looking, leaning, and nonverbally responding to them.

• Be courteous. Good manners will be noticed and approved of, just as poor manners will work against one. In short, in the business world as well as elsewhere, good manners and consideration for others are timeless and those who recognize that will find themselves not only sought after and promoted, but more importantly, at ease in any social or business situation.

 By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

January 2024

Source: “THRIVE: The Ultimate Guide to Personal and Professional Success” by Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

It has been some time since many of us have been to an in-person social event with new people or business colleagues we have not seen for a while.  With that in mind, I wanted to share a past post I wrote that it is especially relevant today and should be of help to you as you begin to socialize again. 

Knowing how to make polite conversation with others is an essential life skill. It is also an important executive skill. Whether you are attending a social function for purely personal reasons, or a social business function for professional reasons, making polite conversation with others will be necessary

According to a survey by “The New York Times,” 93 percent of people identify themselves as shy. This means that– more than likely–93 percent of us will feel anxious when we have to socialize with strangers, or people we don’t know very well. Knowing this statistic should make it easier for us to approach new people. And knowing how to properly approach them will give you the confidence to be the one to take the initiative and reach out to others–becoming known as a savvy socializer, which is a big plus in your personal and professional life.

The following pointers will provide you with all you need to know in order to make polite conversation with “strangers,” so that you can mingle with ease and grace at all your social functions:

• Prepare for the event. Never go to an event without something to say or talk about. The best conversationalists tend to be great storytellers are well versed in countless topics. Read the newspaper so that you will know what is going on in the world.  Have a few common interest or funny stories to tell. If it’s a business function, read the trade journals or newsletters before you go. Think about topics people attending the event would be interested in hearing about and be ready to talk about them.

• Plan your self-introduction. Have a pre-planned self-introduction tailored to the event. “Hello; I’m the bride’s aunt;” or “Hello, I’m representing Bank of America at this event. I work in the marketing division.”

• Take business or social cards with you. Always take your business or social cards with you. They make it easy for others to contact you.

• If you would like someone’s card, simply ask them for it. “Do you have a card? May I have one?” But never give your card to someone unless they ask for it. If you ask someone for their card, but they don’t ask you for yours, you can ask, “May I give you, my card?

• Dress appropriately for the occasion. When you are dressed appropriately for an occasion, it will make you feel more confident, as well as more comfortable When you are dressed inappropriately, it will not only make you feel uncomfortable, but it will also make those attending the event uncomfortable.

• Go on time or no more than fifteen minutes late. If you go late for an event, conversational groups will have already formed, and it will be harder for you to break into conversations. Plus, going late to an event shows disrespect for the event, as well as the person or group hosting the event.

• Adopt a positive attitude.  Think about the benefits of going to the event, and then adopt a positive attitude, because your attitude begins on the inside and shows on the outside. The minute you walk in the door, your body is busy telling people all about you. Are you happy to be there? If not, it will show in your body language. Do you walk in with your head held high and an air of confidence, as if you were happy to be there and have something to contribute? If so, people will be drawn to you.

“Nothing is so contagious as enthusiasm; it moves stones, it charms brutes.” Edward Bulwer-Lytton

• Make an entrance. Never rush into a room. Walk in slowly, step to the right of the entrance, and pause for a few minutes before entering the room. Everyone watches the entrance. This is your first opportunity to make a good impression; and it gives you a chance to see where everyone, including key persons with whom you would like to talk, is in the room

• Look approachable. Smile. Make eye contact. Just as important as being able to approach others is looking approachable yourself. Is your body language open? Are your feet pointed toward the person with whom you would like to talk, or are talking? Are your arms uncrossed?  Are your palms open reaching out to others? These are all “I am open for business and interested in talking to you” body language signs.

• Break the ice: make small talk. Even though it is called “small talk,” as Michael Korda says, “There is nothing small about small talk.”

Small talk topics:

-          Your shared experience is always a good topic when you want to initiate a conversation with a new person. Talking about the venue, the food, the room, the view, the weather, are all good small talk topics.

Example: “These are delicious hors d’oeuvres. Which one is your favorite?   After the person answers, extend your right hand, if appropriate, and introduce yourself.

-          Research also shows that the best ice breaker may be a simple smile and a “Hello.” How difficult can that be?

-          Give a sincere compliment. It’s one of the best ways to begin a conversation. Everyone likes a compliment–particularly if it is about a personal characteristic or achievement. “You are so good about introducing others and making them feel comfortable.”

• Build rapport. Build rapport before launching into any conversation that involves opinions. Connect first, and after you have established a bond, you can give your opinion about something. Do make it a positive opinion and tread lightly. Social functions are not meant for serious conversations.

• To build instant rapport, try to mirror and match your conversational partner, but do it discreetly. Match their body language. Match their manner of speaking—fast, slow. Listen for the words they use. What sense do they favor? Are they a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic type of person? Then use those words: “I see what you’re saying.” I hear what you’re saying.” I feel what you’re saying.”

• Play the three-three “game.” Make it your mission to meet three new people and find three things in common with those three people. It’s like a fishing expedition: you throw out topics to see which one takes.  After you find three things in common with a person, you will have a natural rapport with them. If you don’t, move on to the next person. Don’t allow yourself to become discouraged.

• Know how to handle your cocktail utensils. It is possible to hold a glass—even a cocktail plate with your glass on top of it– in your left hand, while you shake hands with your right hand when you greet another person.

• Eat or talk. If you want to be viewed as a refined and polished socializer, you will certainly not talk with food in your mouth. You can eat or talk—just not at the same time.

• Properly introduce others. Knowing how to properly introduce others will put you far ahead of the crowd.  When you incorrectly introduce someone, it can be in insulting to the person you are introducing and embarrassing to the others around you. Introducing others even if you have forgotten the rules, however, is an act of kindness. How would you feel if no one introduced you? Whenever anyone walks up to you and you are with another person who is unknown to them, it is your duty to introduce them. And what if you have forgotten one person’s name? Simply say, I’m so sorry, I have I forgotten your name, but I want to introduce you. I even forget my mother’s name when I get nervous.”

• Enter conversations with one person or a group, but not two people. Initiating a conversation with one person is ideal. They will be grateful to you for walking up to them and starting a conversation. Walking up to two people engaged in a conversation–particularly if their body language shows that they are very involved in what they are talking about—and interrupting them is rude. (There are certain times, however, when it is okay to quickly say, “Excuse me. I just wanted to say “Hello. I hope to have a chance to talk to you later.”  Then walk away.)

  Entering group conversations may seem difficult, but with a little practice you can become more adept at it. To do so, stand slightly away from the group, show interest in the speaker. A group may be slow to warm up at first, but once they get used to seeing you, they will slowly shift to bring you into the circle. You can also, ease into the group by demonstrating you have been listening, and when there is a break in the conversation, smile and ask, “May I join you.” Once you do join the group, be sure to introduce yourself, and shake hands with each person in the group if it is a business function. It is not about you; it’s about the other person. Focus on the other person and you will be less self-conscious. Focus on the other person and that will make them feel important. That in turn will make you important to them. This is the ultimate trait of a charming person—one who makes others feel important. When conversing, if you hear the word “I” more than “you,” you will know you are focusing more on yourself rather than the other person.

• Be a generous listener. Truly listening to another person is the highest compliment we can pay them. Listen actively with your ears, eyes, and heart. Give signals that you are listening by nodding your head, smiling—if appropriate–and ask questions that follow up what the person has been talking about.

• Avoid being a “close talker.” A “close talker” is an annoying person who doesn’t understand the spatial boundaries of a conversation. Speaking in uncomfortably close proximity—never-more than 18 inches—makes him or her seem pushy and “in your face.” The comfort zone, or the distance that you keep between yourself and friends, is usually one-and-a-half feet to four feet at social gatherings.

• Make a graceful exit. Social events and mingling are not meant for long or serious conversations. We should spend around eight to ten minutes with each person at a social function, according to Miss Manners. We must, however, make our exits graceful.

Some suggestions for exit lines are:

-          “It’s been great talking with you. I really enjoyed hearing about…”

-          “It was so nice to meet you and hear about your trip to ………I haven’t said hello to the host yet, so if you will excuse me. I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening.”

-          “I won’t monopolize you any further, but it has been really nice talking with you.”

• Table Talk. When seated at a table, the only people a guest is actually required to speak to are his neighbors to the left and right. Traditionally, one would speak to the person at one’s right; and then speak to the person on one’s left, avoiding with either any unpleasant or controversial topics.

• Thank the host and/or hostess.  Always thank the host and/or hostess before leaving an event. And, in some cases, depending upon the occasion, a telephone call, or hand-written thank-you note should be sent the next day.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Updated:  April  2022

Connecting in the Age of Social Distancing

  “Just the briefest eye contact can heighten empathic feelings,

giving people a sense of being drawn together.”

                                             - Robert A. Lavine, Ph.D

Until very recently, a firm handshake was touted as the most professional and acceptable way to greet and connect with others in the business world. A firm handshake, along with direct eye contact, conveyed confidence and trustworthiness, as well as a genuine interest in meeting another person.  

So, what does one do now to convey these subconscious, nonverbal messages in the age of social distancing when we are being discouraged from shaking hands? We will need to rely on our eye contact to convey this messaging. Although it cannot entirely compensate for the hand-to-hand physical connection of a handshake, deliberate, warm eye contact can go a long way toward making the person you are meeting feel positive about you.

Eye contact is powerful! Why? Because according to neuroeconmics researcher Paul Zak, a single molecule controls our trust and it is oxytocin, which we are programmed to interpret as a nonverbal sign of goodwill. Oxytocin is released during mutual gazing, or eye contact, when it is held for three to five seconds. It is the same hormone that is released by our brains when we shake hands with someone. 

Eye contact is deeply rooted in our genes. Just as an extended hand meant we came in friendship in the early caveman days, one’s eye contact could mean the difference between life and death, attraction and indifference.

Although human beings have been making eye contact since the beginning of time, the term was only first coined in the mid-1960s and was defined as a meaningful and important sign of confidence, respect, and social communication.

Americans are firm in their belief that good eye contact, or mutual gazing, is important during business and social conversations. It is one of the most powerful ways to make a real connection with someone. Use it to build trust and show interest. When having a conversation with another person your eye contact tells the person you are listening; makes you a better listener; and focuses attention on the individual, which makes him or her feel more important while you look in control.

Signals eye contact sends:

1. Business gaze: Professional

Focuses on upper face: brows and forehead. Full attention on your eyes and words and look directly, but alternately, between your left and right eye.

2. Social gaze: Not professional

Focuses on mid-face: eyes and mouth.

3. Intimate gaze. Never in business.

Focuses on chest and below.

Averting the eyes often signifies a lack of sincerity or confidence, although direct eye contact is avoided in many cultures. In most cultures,  however, direct eye contact should be made 40 to 60 percent of the time, or for 3 to 5 seconds at a time. Less than that and a person is seen as shy, shifty, hiding something, or lacking self-confidence and authority.

If eye contact is more than 60 percent, or over 5 seconds, a person will feel put on the spot, examined, or under a microscope. Plus, it can be creepy or confrontational. 

If you sometimes get feedback that you are coming across as too critical or in a negative manner, and you don’t mean to do that, check your eye contact. You may be exceeding the comfortable amount of eye contact and people see this as being pinned down.

Do: 

• When you meet someone, let your eyes say, “I am delighted to meet you and am very much looking forward to working with you. I am someone you can trust to keep my word.”

• To be a good listener, let your eyes say, “I’m listening” and convey empathy and concern.

• When you are talking, watch your listener’s eyes to see if you are holding his or her attention. It does not matter what you say if the person you are speaking to is not listening. 

 By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick, April 2020

 10 Tips for Communicating Confidence and Presence

with Your Powerful Body Language

“Unless the audience sees the right image, it doesn’t hear the right message. We believe it when we see it.”

                                                       -Mark Bowden, “Winning Body Language”

You can dress the part and say the right words—and granted these are extremely important—but if your body language does not match or is not congruent with your visual and verbal message, you will not be believable, or credible. In other words, you will not be able to successfully communicate your message.

From the moment you walk in the door, your body is telling people all about you; and body language is the fastest way you can showcase confidence to others and exude a winning first impression. Why is confidence so important? Because we are constantly looking for winners to lead us. According to a major study done by Carnegie Mellon, a professional’s confidence is more important than a professional’s reputation, skill set, or history.

Over half of the information you provide others about the connection you have with them comes from your body language, or body talk. In fact, 55 percent of a message in conveyed by body language; 38 percent by the tone of voice; and the verbal content only 7 percent of the perceived communication. Yes, 93% percent of communication is nonverbal.

1.     Stand tall and maintain a wide stance. 

Erect posture instantly identifies you as someone with something to contribute; and signals that you are confident. Stand like a winner. Not only will you look more confident, but you will feel more confident. And keep in mind that if you appear confident, people will think you have something to be confident about. People accept what you project,

Also keep in mind that when you sit, you want to maintain erect posture. Slouching or bad posture coveys you are a slob or not as competent as those who sit straight, according to Dr. Lillian Glass, a body language expert

“Your body shapes your mind. Your mind shapes your behavior. And your behavior shapes your future. Let your body tell that you’re powerful and deserving, and your will feel more confident.”

                                                                                   - Amy Cuddy, “Presence”

2.     Keep your head level; chin positioned properly.

A level head indicates an assured, candid, capable nature. It might also give your voice fuller tones and make you seem to be looking at people straight in the eye. A bowed head, eyes studying the floor, makes you look unsure, vulnerable, passive, and possibly even guilty of something.

3.     Walk the walk.

From the moment you walk in the room with dignity and easy confidence you tell people you are someone who matters. Walking well begins with perfect posture. Keep your rib cage high and chin up to add confidence to your walk. Think tall and light, keeping your weight forward on the balls of your feet. Do not settle into each step. Keep your momentum evenly spaced, and walk with a natural, comfortable rhythm. In general, powerful walking is more expansive, with more arm movement and a longer stride.

4.     Keep hands visible.

Avoid putting both hands in your pockets. It makes you appear uninterested or bored, uncommitted, and sometimes nervous. One hand is okay if the other hand is gesturing. Keeping hands open and palms facing upward indicates openness and honesty; and a willingness to connect with people.

“Pockets are murderers of rapport. When someone can see your hands, they feel more at ease and more likely to befriend you. When walking into a room or waiting to meet someone, keep your hands out of your pockets.”

                                                                        – Vanessa Van Edwards, “Captivate”

5.     Make eye contact.

Your eyes are powerful nonverbal tools in part because you make conscious choices of how to use them, and in part because they do a lot of things on their own. When meeting someone for the first time, it is considered polite to make eye contact for a few seconds, but it is considered quite rude to make eye contact and stare. Brief contact is considered normal, but outright staring at other people is interpreted as hostile or threatening. Not making eye contact is just as powerful. You might break eye contact and look away to signal to the other person you are ready to end the conversation or frustrated that the other person is talking too much. Not making eye contact when you meet someone for the first time is also a sign of low self-esteem, or lack of self-confidence. Eye contact should be made 40 to 60 % of the time in the appropriate eye zones.

 6.     Use facial expressions to reinforce communication.

Your face is the focal point of conversation and interaction, so the impact of its movements and expressions is magnified. The face is a tool for communicating emotions and feelings, but it is also important for regulating and directing an interaction. Once you have started a conversation with another person, your facial expressions help to encourage, or conversely, discourage further interest and interaction.

Being overly expressive, on the other hand, can detract from your credibility. In situations where you want to maximize your authority–minimize your movements and animation—especially if the audience is comprised mostly of men.  When you appear calm and contained, you look more powerful.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

7.     Give a warm smile.

Smiling is a powerful and positive nonverbal cue for signaling likeability and friendliness. It is especially important to smile when you are meeting someone, since it signals a sincere interest in meeting them. Women, however, should be aware that excessive smiling can make them appear less credible in the professional arena.

“Smiling has huge consequences for establishing connections. A smile can improve and repair relationships or ease conflict. It’s a way of saying to the other person you can be trusted.”

                                   - Marianne LaFrance, psychology professor at Yale University

 8.     Offer a firm handshake.

A handshake can produce a higher degree of trust within a matter of seconds; and the power of the handshake should never be underestimated. In the Western Culture, the only acceptable physical touching when you are meeting someone in business for the first time is the handshake. And, even with handshakes, there are many variations of the “basic” handshake. The most important thing to keep in mind, if you want to make a positive impression and convey confidence, is to firmly clasp the other person’s hand when shaking hands. Squeeze until you feel their muscles tighten, then stop.

“Handshaking is a valuable form of nonverbal communication. It is a form of interactive body language the offers insights into how the other person views the world, him or herself, and you. It is a vital, if usually subconscious, part of creating a first impression and sending a parting message.”

                                 - Robert E Brown and Dorothea Johnson, “The Power of Handshaking”

 9.     Create a credible, professional vocal image.

Voice is an important part of the nonverbal behaviors and cues that you both send and receive. Most people don’t know or understand the nonverbal influence of their voice. Before you meet someone for the first time, more than likely you have spoken to them on the telephone. Thus, the opinions they form of you are based on one thing only—your voice. It is vital, therefore, that you project the correct voice image.  Speak with optimal volume; articulate clearly; avoid mumbling; avoid filler words and sloppy words. Sound confident in what you are saying, avoiding up-speak and excessive apologies.

 10.  Use gestures to reinforce communication.

If you want to appear comfortable and unguarded, your gestures need to start talking when you begin to speak.  Don’t think about your gestures; they should appear natural and reinforce what you are saying. Hand gestures make people listen to you. They make people pay attention to the acoustics of speech, according to Spence Kelly, a professor at Colgate University. Use them sparingly at key moments. When you gesture too much or too expansively, it can be distracting and detract from your message.

I prefer for the gesturing to go no higher than the top of your chest, and no lower than the bottom of your waist. However, some body language experts believe the power sphere extends to your face.

“Picture your power sphere as a circle that runs from the top of your eyes, out to the tips of your outstretched hands, down to the belly button and back up to your eyes again. Hands that go below your navel lack energy and confidence.”

- Carmine Gallo, “Talk Like Ted”

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

       Updated October 2019