10 Soft Skills Essential for Thriving in the AI Era 

                              “While we do not know the full effect or the precises rate at which AI will change our business–or how it will affect society at large–we are completely convinced the consequences will be extraordinary.”

                                                                                         Jamie Dimon, CEO of Chase 

Jamie Dimon and Elon Musk say Artificial Intelligence will be smarter than humans and transform society. It’s understandable that many people are concerned about the future and what it may bring. Artificial Intelligence (AI)) is on the verge of pervading every company and industry worldwide, if it has not already. It is poised to enhance the efficiency of goods and services production, as well as offer fresh and potentially more astute insights into their development. It stands to reason some occupations will be replaced or become obsolete; therefore, acquiring skills that will be indispensable in the upcoming era of AI is crucial to secure your place in this new era.

As AI becomes more integrated into workplaces, the importance of soft skills is increasing. Recent studies suggest that in the age of Artificial Intelligence employers are expected to increasingly value soft skills that enhance human interactions and cultivate company cultures centered around people. This is because Artificial Intelligence is predicted to be most effective when it augments human abilities and helps to strengthen human connections. Along with these soft skills, adaptability and a commitment to ongoing self-learning will also be essential to remain relevant and sought-after, particularly with the rapid advancement of AI technologies. 

Regardless of the color of the collar–blue, white, or new color (jobs that do not require a traditional college degree but do require a great deal of skill) –you wear or the position you hold, you can enhance your indispensability and thrive in the AI era by refining your soft skills. These abilities cannot be matched by Artificial Intelligence.

But what are soft skills? Soft skills refer to a cluster of personal traits, including your work ethic, your attitude, your communication skills, and a host of other personal attributes that are crucial for success in business. Soft skills are also known as interpersonal skills, social skills, and people skills. Soft skills are 85% of success in getting a job, keeping a job, and moving up in an organization; technical skills or the knowledge required for a job account for 15%, according to research.

Artificial Intelligence should be regarded as a collaborative tool to support you in your role or tasks, rather than a substitute for competent individuals endowed with superior soft skills. Keep this in mind and welcome the incredible advancements of AI with anticipation, rather than apprehension.

Here are ten soft skills essential for thriving in the AI era:

1. Be interested in others and the world around you. People like people who are interested in them and the world around them—not just in themselves. “Your goal is to make others feel comfortable around you by focusing on them; and you can influence people’s perceptions of you by playing to their needs,” writes Camille Lavington in “You’ve Got Three Seconds.” Knowing what is going on in the world will not only make you appear less egocentric, but it will also equip you with conversation topics for everyone with whom you come into contact.  

2. Be a good listener and ask questions. “Research has consistently demonstrated that ineffective listening habits present the most common barriers to success in relationships and careers,” according to Larry Barker and Kittie Watson, authors of “Listen Up.” People like to know they are being heard and that their ideas are appreciated. By being a good listener, you let others know that you value them and what they have to say. Etiquette expert Letitia Baldridge says, “Politeness decrees that you must listen to be kind; intelligence decrees that you must listen to learn.”

3. Be skilled at relationship management. “Relationship management is your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully,” according to Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, authors of “Emotional Intelligence 2.0.” People like to work with people they like, trust, and feel understand them. Today’s workplace can be very stressful; but when you are skilled at relationship management, you can more effectively work with your team members to overcome seemingly insurmountable challenges and obstacles to achieve a win-win scenario for all. AI will not be able to replace the need for emotional support and human interaction. 

“It (AI) needs to connect, understand, and respond to human emotions in a way that actually feels authentic and meaningful,” says Angel Vossough, Cofounder and Chief Executive of Better AI 

4. Be good natured; have a sense of humor. Be positive; try to make the best of situations; and don’t take yourself too seriously. A judicious and tasteful sense of humor can often deflate tense situations; and studies show having a sense of humor can help you get ahead at work. A Robert Half International survey, for instance, found that 91% of executives believe a sense of humor is important for career advancement; while 84% feel that people with a good sense of humor do a better job. Another study by Bell Leadership Institute found that the two most desirable traits in leaders were a strong work ethic and a good sense of humor. “A sense of humor is the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.”  -Dwight D. Eisenhower

5. Be a team player. “We’re all in this together; and let’s make it work” is an attitude that is appreciated by everyone. To paraphrase Harvard professor David Deming in his paper “The Growing Importance of Social Skills in the Labor Market,” “As work is becoming more team-oriented, workers with strong soft skills are more able to work well with others and will be considered more valuable, since good teamwork increases productivity.” AI will have the capability to automate tasks, yet it cannot supplant the necessity for cohesive teamwork.

 6. Be an ethical leader. To inspire your team, you must lead by example, demonstrating character and integrity. Make sure your habits and actions match your words. Establish trust and transparency with your team, your superiors and your clients. Above all, strive to be a just and kind leader, treating individuals with dignity and respect. Trustworthiness and ethical decision making are soft skills that cannot be automated. 

 7. Be confident. “Confidence is important because it is the most attractive personal brand attribute. When someone exudes confidence, we want to work with them; we are more likely to follow their lead,” says William Arruda, personal branding expert. And “Employers will know they can trust you with a project and that you are likely going to be good at motivating others as well,” according to Dr. Katharine Brooks, author of “You Majored in What? Your Path from Chaos to Career.” “Fake it until you become it.” Amy Cuddy, author of “Presence”

 8. Be an effective communicator. Communication skills are some of the most important skills you will need to succeed in the workplace. “First communication is not so much what you say, but rather how you say it. And this you can condition and control,” according to Sylvania Ann Hewlett, author of “Executive Presence.” Your words and your body language must be congruent to be believable.

 Furthermore, in order to be an effective communicator, you must understand what your message is, what audience you are sending it to, and how it will be perceived. If is it not perceived the way you intended it be perceived, you did not effectively communicate your message. 

“It (AI) needs to connect, understand, and respond to human emotions in a way that actually feels authentic and meaningful,” says Angel Vossough, Cofounder and Chief Executive of Better AI 

 9. Be skilled at making small talk. Small talk “breaks the ice;” it makes others feel comfortable and puts them at ease. It is the first level of a conversation; it is about the current situation—how you got there, the weather, the location, mutual friends or other connections. When you work in an office environment, making small talk and socializing with team members is essential for building rapport with them.

 10. Be polite and treat everyone with respect. Good manners will be noticed and approved of just as poor manners will work against one. Having good manners and a respectful attitude toward others will make people want to be around you—in and out of the office.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Updated: March 2024

Note: This article employed the use of Bing Copilot (ChatGPT). It is an outstanding resource for writers.

Thrive in 2024: Be Polished. Be Prepared. Be Powerful.

Polish: Improve, refine, or add the finishing touches to.

Power: Ability to act or produce an effect.

Presence: A noteworthy quality of poise and effectiveness.

Countless opportunities have been lost for well-qualified individuals simply because they have not paid attention to their most visible credential—their presence. Very few credentials can compensate for a poor impression, inadequate social skills, and weak non-verbal communication. Prepare yourself to thrive in 2024 by acquiring the finely tuned social skills and polished presence needed for success in both your personal and professional life. 

A polished, powerful presence rests on three pillars:

• Appearance: How you look.

• Attitude:  How you carry yourself: your conduct, body language, and attitude.

• Actions: How you communicate, interact, and treat others.

I. Appearance:

• Your appearance remains one of the main factors that will encourage others to work with and for you. Your appearance is important, not only in first impressions, but also in ongoing interactions. It is the filter through which your talent and suitability will be evaluated. Package yourself for success!

• You should look appropriate for your environment, and authentic to you. Appropriate business attire for professional industries consists of quality fabrics and conservative styling in subdued colors. For executive positions in fashion-related industries, quality fabrics are important, but there is more latitude with styling and color. Technology firms may be more casual in their dress than most industries, but there are nevertheless certain standards to be maintained.

• You should always be well-groomed and fit.  Just as important– if not more so-than being appropriately dressed is being well-groomed.  Styled hair, well-tended nails, nice breath, clothes that are clean and pressed, shoes that are polished, etc. are a must. In fact, in a recent survey of senior leaders in the U.S., more than a third considered polish and grooming vital to a man and or woman making a good impression. And today, more emphasis is being placed on being and looking fit for a job. The workplace is more stressful today than ever. Exercising and eating right will help you meet the demands of your job, as well as add significantly to the impression you make on others.                                                                                                                                                          

 II. Attitude: Conduct/Body Language                                                           

We confirm or contradict our powerful image by using behavioral tools such as posture, engaging eye contact, a strong handshake, and a ready smile. Nonverbal cues such as stance, head movements, facial expressions, and gestures clarify out message.

• Your attitude sends signals to others how you feel about yourself, the situation, and them. The entrance you make, your eye contact, the way you shake hands, your posture, the way you introduce yourself and others, your people skills, and your business attire and accessories are all broadcasting plenty about you.                                                                                                   

• The rules for work are changing. You will be judged by a new yardstick, not just how smart you are, or by your training and expertise, but how well you handle yourself and others. According to research by Harvard University, The Carnegie Foundation, and The Stanford Research Institute, 85 percent of your success in getting a job, keeping a job, and moving up in an organization is connected to your people skills, or soft skills. Fifteen percent is based upon your technical skills or knowledge.

• Behaviors and habits that detract from making a good impression: smoking, chewing gum, biting fingernails, tugging at hair, rolling your eyes, tugging at your clothes, talking loudly in public, et cetera.

III. Actions:  How You Communicate, Interact and Treat Others

• Every verbal encounter in the real world, as well as the virtual one, is a vital opportunity to create and nurture a positive impression. Your communication skills, both verbal and non-verbal, are what ultimately win you the attention and mindshare of colleagues, clients, and friends.

• People like people who are interested in them and the world around them–not just themselves. By showing interest in others and the world around you, it shows that you are not self-absorbed, which will help you create positive impressions wherever you go. And the more well-informed you are, the more likely it is that you will have a conversation topic for each person you meet.

• Get people to talk about themselves. People like people who find them interesting. In fact, showing genuine interest is the easiest and most powerful way to make a good impression. Find out about their company. What are their interests? Find out anything that can be helpful in establishing rapport, since it is the first step in forming relationships with others.

• Show others you have similar attitudes. If you want to be favorably received, show others where you have similar attitudes. See where you agree rather than disagree.

• Learn when to talk and when to listen. What you do after you ask a question can reveal even more about you than the questions you ask. You reveal your true level of interest in the way you listen. Listen without interrupting or finishing others’ sentences, and direct your physical energy toward them—looking, leaning, and nonverbally responding to them.

• Be courteous. Good manners will be noticed and approved of, just as poor manners will work against one. In short, in the business world as well as elsewhere, good manners and consideration for others are timeless and those who recognize that will find themselves not only sought after and promoted, but more importantly, at ease in any social or business situation.

 By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

January 2024

Source: “THRIVE: The Ultimate Guide to Personal and Professional Success” by Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

It has been some time since many of us have been to an in-person social event with new people or business colleagues we have not seen for a while.  With that in mind, I wanted to share a past post I wrote that it is especially relevant today and should be of help to you as you begin to socialize again. 

Knowing how to make polite conversation with others is an essential life skill. It is also an important executive skill. Whether you are attending a social function for purely personal reasons, or a social business function for professional reasons, making polite conversation with others will be necessary

According to a survey by “The New York Times,” 93 percent of people identify themselves as shy. This means that– more than likely–93 percent of us will feel anxious when we have to socialize with strangers, or people we don’t know very well. Knowing this statistic should make it easier for us to approach new people. And knowing how to properly approach them will give you the confidence to be the one to take the initiative and reach out to others–becoming known as a savvy socializer, which is a big plus in your personal and professional life.

The following pointers will provide you with all you need to know in order to make polite conversation with “strangers,” so that you can mingle with ease and grace at all your social functions:

• Prepare for the event. Never go to an event without something to say or talk about. The best conversationalists tend to be great storytellers are well versed in countless topics. Read the newspaper so that you will know what is going on in the world.  Have a few common interest or funny stories to tell. If it’s a business function, read the trade journals or newsletters before you go. Think about topics people attending the event would be interested in hearing about and be ready to talk about them.

• Plan your self-introduction. Have a pre-planned self-introduction tailored to the event. “Hello; I’m the bride’s aunt;” or “Hello, I’m representing Bank of America at this event. I work in the marketing division.”

• Take business or social cards with you. Always take your business or social cards with you. They make it easy for others to contact you.

• If you would like someone’s card, simply ask them for it. “Do you have a card? May I have one?” But never give your card to someone unless they ask for it. If you ask someone for their card, but they don’t ask you for yours, you can ask, “May I give you, my card?

• Dress appropriately for the occasion. When you are dressed appropriately for an occasion, it will make you feel more confident, as well as more comfortable When you are dressed inappropriately, it will not only make you feel uncomfortable, but it will also make those attending the event uncomfortable.

• Go on time or no more than fifteen minutes late. If you go late for an event, conversational groups will have already formed, and it will be harder for you to break into conversations. Plus, going late to an event shows disrespect for the event, as well as the person or group hosting the event.

• Adopt a positive attitude.  Think about the benefits of going to the event, and then adopt a positive attitude, because your attitude begins on the inside and shows on the outside. The minute you walk in the door, your body is busy telling people all about you. Are you happy to be there? If not, it will show in your body language. Do you walk in with your head held high and an air of confidence, as if you were happy to be there and have something to contribute? If so, people will be drawn to you.

“Nothing is so contagious as enthusiasm; it moves stones, it charms brutes.” Edward Bulwer-Lytton

• Make an entrance. Never rush into a room. Walk in slowly, step to the right of the entrance, and pause for a few minutes before entering the room. Everyone watches the entrance. This is your first opportunity to make a good impression; and it gives you a chance to see where everyone, including key persons with whom you would like to talk, is in the room

• Look approachable. Smile. Make eye contact. Just as important as being able to approach others is looking approachable yourself. Is your body language open? Are your feet pointed toward the person with whom you would like to talk, or are talking? Are your arms uncrossed?  Are your palms open reaching out to others? These are all “I am open for business and interested in talking to you” body language signs.

• Break the ice: make small talk. Even though it is called “small talk,” as Michael Korda says, “There is nothing small about small talk.”

Small talk topics:

-          Your shared experience is always a good topic when you want to initiate a conversation with a new person. Talking about the venue, the food, the room, the view, the weather, are all good small talk topics.

Example: “These are delicious hors d’oeuvres. Which one is your favorite?   After the person answers, extend your right hand, if appropriate, and introduce yourself.

-          Research also shows that the best ice breaker may be a simple smile and a “Hello.” How difficult can that be?

-          Give a sincere compliment. It’s one of the best ways to begin a conversation. Everyone likes a compliment–particularly if it is about a personal characteristic or achievement. “You are so good about introducing others and making them feel comfortable.”

• Build rapport. Build rapport before launching into any conversation that involves opinions. Connect first, and after you have established a bond, you can give your opinion about something. Do make it a positive opinion and tread lightly. Social functions are not meant for serious conversations.

• To build instant rapport, try to mirror and match your conversational partner, but do it discreetly. Match their body language. Match their manner of speaking—fast, slow. Listen for the words they use. What sense do they favor? Are they a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic type of person? Then use those words: “I see what you’re saying.” I hear what you’re saying.” I feel what you’re saying.”

• Play the three-three “game.” Make it your mission to meet three new people and find three things in common with those three people. It’s like a fishing expedition: you throw out topics to see which one takes.  After you find three things in common with a person, you will have a natural rapport with them. If you don’t, move on to the next person. Don’t allow yourself to become discouraged.

• Know how to handle your cocktail utensils. It is possible to hold a glass—even a cocktail plate with your glass on top of it– in your left hand, while you shake hands with your right hand when you greet another person.

• Eat or talk. If you want to be viewed as a refined and polished socializer, you will certainly not talk with food in your mouth. You can eat or talk—just not at the same time.

• Properly introduce others. Knowing how to properly introduce others will put you far ahead of the crowd.  When you incorrectly introduce someone, it can be in insulting to the person you are introducing and embarrassing to the others around you. Introducing others even if you have forgotten the rules, however, is an act of kindness. How would you feel if no one introduced you? Whenever anyone walks up to you and you are with another person who is unknown to them, it is your duty to introduce them. And what if you have forgotten one person’s name? Simply say, I’m so sorry, I have I forgotten your name, but I want to introduce you. I even forget my mother’s name when I get nervous.”

• Enter conversations with one person or a group, but not two people. Initiating a conversation with one person is ideal. They will be grateful to you for walking up to them and starting a conversation. Walking up to two people engaged in a conversation–particularly if their body language shows that they are very involved in what they are talking about—and interrupting them is rude. (There are certain times, however, when it is okay to quickly say, “Excuse me. I just wanted to say “Hello. I hope to have a chance to talk to you later.”  Then walk away.)

  Entering group conversations may seem difficult, but with a little practice you can become more adept at it. To do so, stand slightly away from the group, show interest in the speaker. A group may be slow to warm up at first, but once they get used to seeing you, they will slowly shift to bring you into the circle. You can also, ease into the group by demonstrating you have been listening, and when there is a break in the conversation, smile and ask, “May I join you.” Once you do join the group, be sure to introduce yourself, and shake hands with each person in the group if it is a business function. It is not about you; it’s about the other person. Focus on the other person and you will be less self-conscious. Focus on the other person and that will make them feel important. That in turn will make you important to them. This is the ultimate trait of a charming person—one who makes others feel important. When conversing, if you hear the word “I” more than “you,” you will know you are focusing more on yourself rather than the other person.

• Be a generous listener. Truly listening to another person is the highest compliment we can pay them. Listen actively with your ears, eyes, and heart. Give signals that you are listening by nodding your head, smiling—if appropriate–and ask questions that follow up what the person has been talking about.

• Avoid being a “close talker.” A “close talker” is an annoying person who doesn’t understand the spatial boundaries of a conversation. Speaking in uncomfortably close proximity—never-more than 18 inches—makes him or her seem pushy and “in your face.” The comfort zone, or the distance that you keep between yourself and friends, is usually one-and-a-half feet to four feet at social gatherings.

• Make a graceful exit. Social events and mingling are not meant for long or serious conversations. We should spend around eight to ten minutes with each person at a social function, according to Miss Manners. We must, however, make our exits graceful.

Some suggestions for exit lines are:

-          “It’s been great talking with you. I really enjoyed hearing about…”

-          “It was so nice to meet you and hear about your trip to ………I haven’t said hello to the host yet, so if you will excuse me. I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening.”

-          “I won’t monopolize you any further, but it has been really nice talking with you.”

• Table Talk. When seated at a table, the only people a guest is actually required to speak to are his neighbors to the left and right. Traditionally, one would speak to the person at one’s right; and then speak to the person on one’s left, avoiding with either any unpleasant or controversial topics.

• Thank the host and/or hostess.  Always thank the host and/or hostess before leaving an event. And, in some cases, depending upon the occasion, a telephone call, or hand-written thank-you note should be sent the next day.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Updated:  April  2022

Your clothes are a reflection of the person you are. By the selection of your attire, your control the narrative before you even say a word, because what you wear provides a significant amount of information about you. The way you dress and groom yourself can not only change the way other people view you, but also the way they listen to what you say. When you dress well, people take you more seriously. Coworkers will ask for your input more often and want you on their team. Dressing well will open doors for you. It can change your life. Dressing well isn’t just a confidence booster, it’s a personal choice—a lifestyle that helps like-minded people come together—whether it be through social media, in virtual meetings, or in-person at the office.

Although the younger generations seem to be okay with the idea that what you wear to work and what you do for work don’t have to be entwined; unfortunately, or fortunately, depending upon your point of view, older generations believe they are.  The decision about the expected attire for employees at a particular company is made by the company’s management team. Companies set their dress codes to fit their company culture and clients. For many companies, their dress codes are, and have been, even before the pandemic, in a state of flux. What used to be only a suit-and-tie culture, for example, for white-collar industries, is no longer the expected attire at many companies. Now, often a man can wear a jacket, long-sleeved dress shirt, and slacks without a tie to meetings with clients. 

A study by Recruitment International found 61% of employees are more productive when they work in a place with a relaxed dress code. Having an adaptable workplace dress code allows employees to be comfortable, creative and enjoy going to work. And, having a more relaxed dress code will help more traditional companies attract and retain the best talent from the younger generations. Whatever decision each company makes about its company’s dress code policy should be clearly communicated to its employees. Specified dress codes give employees certainty, which relieves much of the anxiety of dressing for work, making them feel more confident and productive at work.  

Many of you will be dressing more casually for work this fall, as well as the foreseeable future; nevertheless, there are certain standards to be maintained and important considerations to keep in mind when getting dressed for work. And although “comfortable” seems to be the main consideration for choosing one’s attire now, it is possible to dress casually, as well as comfortably, and still be stylish. “Comfort and style are not enemies,” according to image expert Eve Michaels.

Brands like Alex Mill, Tommy John, M.M. Lafleur, and Wolf and Shepherd have recently introduced an entire new category of workleisure to meet the demand for cozy, stretching clothes, creating comfortable work clothing for professional and business casual settings, including dresses, blouses and skirts for women and button down shirts, chino pants, overcoats and shirts for men. Other brands such as Lululemon, Ministry of Supply, Olivers Apparel, Evermore, and others are jumping on the workleisure bandwagon, making polished comfortable pieces for a work-play, hybrid  wardrobe. With all the brands now making these clothes, it should be possible for everyone to find work attire that is both comfortable and stylish.

Following are 10 tips for stepping up your style and grooming to look like a  polished professional:

1. MAINTAIN A PROFESSIONAL IMAGE.

Although casual clothes may be acceptable for your profession or company, casual does not mean sloppy. In their fit, brand, and style, clothes should signal that you take your work seriously.  Casual clothing deserves the same attention to detail as a traditional corporate wardrobe. Clothing should be clean, wrinkle-free, and without holes or frayed areas. And, like suits and tailored clothing, casual business wear lasts longer and looks better with some special care.

Dressing professionally in the workplace gives you credibility and shows that you fit in with the work environment. People don’t take you seriously until you look a certain way. By dressing appropriately for meetings, whether it be in the office or via Zoom video calls, you project a professional image and understanding of the business culture. Dressing professionally will give you credibility.

 2. LOOK LIKE YOU CARE HOW YOU LOOK.

“Carelessness seems to signal that you don’t respect your coworkers or yourself,” says Sylvia Ann Hewlett, author of ”Executive Presence.” “You certainly don’t respect the client if you show up with soup on your tie or bitten nails, anything to make you look unkempt.” And, whatever you wear for work–whether it be formal or casual attire–look like you have put some thought into your choice and how you might appear to others.  You don’t need to be a fashion plate to look stylish, but being up-to-date with trends signals your skills are up-to-date as well. 

3. PAY ATTENTION TO THE FIT OF YOUR CLOTHING.

It doesn’t matter how much you spend on an article of clothing if it does not fit you properly. Most men’s stores and department stores with men’s departments have tailors in-house. If you buy something online, you will need to go to a tailor. Many dry cleaners have tailors or seamstress on the premises.

 4. SPEND TIME ON GROOMING.

Poor grooming compromises the ability of other people to see you as someone who is going places because it says that either you don’t notice sloppiness, or you don’t care enough to attend to it. For the polished executive, shirts should be pressed; leather shoes should be shined; sneakers–if you wear them for work–should be clean and in good condition; hair should be cut in a flattering style; and men’s beards should be neatly trimmed for most professions. 

5. TAILOR YOUR LOOK TO THE SITUATION.

When you go for an interview, it’s always advisable to dress like the people who work there so they will see you as one of them. “If it’s Microsoft, it’s one outfit; in the US Army, it’s another,” says executive recruiter Russell Reynolds.  “You have to look like you belong to the group, and you have to look a little better than the group.” To do that, pattern yourself after someone who’s particularly good at dressing a bit better than the rest of the group. Online or offline interviews require the same consideration for your attire and grooming. 

 6. BE SELECTIVE FOR A SUCCESSFUL IMAGE.

Select attire that complements your coloring and body type; choose the right clothing and accessories for your business look; adopt meticulous grooming habits, and build a coordinated wardrobe that combines proper fit and quality construction. 

 7. LOOK THE PART BY DRESSING TO THE LEVEL YOU ASPIRE.

For executive-level, professional, white-collar industries, appropriate business attire consists of quality fabrics and conservative styling in subdued colors. For executive-level positions in fashion-related industries, quality fabrics are also important, but there is more flexibility with styling and color. Technology firms tend to be more casual in their dress than most industries, but there are nevertheless certain standards to be maintained. As you are making your way up the ladder, look like you belong on the level above your current one.

 8. DRESS FOR YOUR CLIENT.

As a general rule, always dress for your client. If you are meeting with an older, more traditional client, for example, and he always wears a suit and tie, you might want to consider wearing a suit and tie when you meet with him. If you are meeting with a more casual, younger client in the tech industry, you can leave your tie at home. Keep in mind you are not only making a statement about yourself by the way you dress, but also the company you represent. Does your attire accurately represent your brand?

 9. FOLLOW THE +1/-1 RULE.

Sylvie Di Giusto, author of  “The Image of Leadership,” recommends dressing one level higher than your current professional level, but not two levels up because you will look overdressed. And, “Never dress down more than one level because you want to dress like the leader you want to be.” If you follow the +1/-1 rule you never risk being underdressed or overdressed.

10. REINFORCE YOUR WINNNG IMAGE WITH CONFIDENT BODY LANGUAGE.

You can look the part of the stylish, polished professional, but if your bearing doesn’t match or isn’t in harmony with your image, you will not be credible, or viewed as a winner. Upright posture, direct eye contact, a confident, natural stride, a warm smile, and a firm handshake are needed to successfully communicate your message of being a winner, since people believe what they see. 

 By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick 

September 2021

In the past year, the personal and professional demands placed upon working professionals in all industries surpass any experienced in the past. And, in spite of the improving state of the economy and millions who have already been vaccinated against the virus, it will be a long time before business returns to the way it was. And, in fact, predictions are that it will never completely return to the way it was before the COVID-19 pandemic.  In this challenging environment, the most sought-after job skills employers are currently seeking are soft, or “people” skills and a resilient, flexible attitude about work and the workplace—whether it be on-site or virtual. 

It is not enough now to simply have the education and technical skills required to do your job; you must also possess the polished soft skills that will enable you to distinguish yourself from the competition and help you develop and maintain business in today’s challenging and complex business environment.

“More than anything else, I hire for attitude. Skills can be learned. I’ll take attitude any day over a good skill set.”

                                                                                                                -G. J. Hart, New York Times Interview by Adam Bryant

Following is my seven-point plan to help you present yourself and your qualifications in the best manner possible to ensure you have the advantage over your competition, and that you are successful in your mission to land a job–whether you are interviewing for your first job; have lost your job and are interviewing for a new one; or are currently working but are seeking a challenging new opportunity. 

1. BEGIN WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

Relating to others is what etiquette is all about. The many ways in which you relate to others begins with your attitude. Your style of connecting with others, your way of communicating your respect of others, and your behavior toward others are all reflections of your attitude. According to Nicolas Boothman, author “Attitude is Everything, “The quality of your attitude controls the quality and appearance of everything you do.” Your attitude and professional image help form the first impression others have of you.

Everything you do is informed by your attitude. For some, this may be the most difficult time in your life. Very few people find searching for a job or going for an interview a pleasant experience; but, if you go for an interview with the same attitude you have when you go to the dentist, it is unlikely that you will present yourself in a positive manner. Your attitude is reflected in your facial expressions, body language, and voice. It is very difficult to “cover-up” a negative attitude. If you don’t feel good about yourself and your qualifications, it would be better to wait until you do; otherwise, you are wasting your time.

Whether it requires getting into shape, buying a new suit, seeking therapy, or going back to school to update your job skills, I would recommend that you consider these options before beginning your job search. When you go for an interview, projecting a positive, winning attitude and confidence in yourself will be relayed to the person with whom you have an interview, and make them more likely to view you in the same manner. People like people with positive, cheerful personalities, not people who project a defensive, “woe is me” attitude.

In a recent survey of college admissions officers, one admissions officer of an Ivy League university said, “Some 70 percent of kids who apply are qualified to come to school here; and we have space for one in ten. We can be as choosy as we like. It almost always comes down to whether or not you’re a likeable person. Let’s face it, some people are just more affable and more likeable than others.” The same can be said of the job market: there are many more qualified people than there are positions for them. The jobs will go to the people with the best attitudes and ability to relate to others.

People like people with positive, cheerful personalities.

2. CREATE A POWER PRESENCE

Appearances matter in first impressions. In fact, research has shown that appearance counts for 55 percent of the impression we make. With this in mind, it would not make sense to consider going for an interview until you have done a thorough review of the way you look and the impact you make on others. You are a product, and as such, need to take into consideration your appearance. Your appearance includes not only your physical being, but also your clothes, your grooming, your deportment. Like gift wrapping, the more “put together” your appearance, the more you leave a positive impression. If you have recently lost your job after being with the same company for many years, you may not have had to worry about your appearance, but now you do.

When interviewing for a job, people buy our entire package. Research has shown that the number one reason companies reject an applicant after the first interview is poor personal appearance. A picture is worth a thousand words, and so is your appearance. “People buy you with their eyes. The visual overwhelms the verbal,” writes Harry Beckwith, author of  “You, Inc.” Make sure that your personal package is as polished as your resume. Be aware of the company’s dress code policy before interviewing for a job. In general, it is better to dress conservatively and err on the formal side rather than be underdressed. Even if your interview will be online, the same advice applies. Dress and grooming will be as closely evaluated as if you were meeting in person. Even down to your shoes, wearing the right one will make you feel more put together and professional even if your interviewer cannot see them.

Put your best foot forward with a new pair of shoes!

3. REFINE YOUR SOFT SKILLS

In today’s competitive job market, it isn’t enough to be able to do your job well. Success in getting, keeping and advancing in a job depends 85 percent on soft or ”people” skills, and 15 percent on technical knowledge and skills, according to three separate research projects by Harvard University, the Carnegie Foundation, and the Stanford Research Institute. Knowing the rules of business etiquette and protocol and knowing how to handle yourself in social situations are key elements in being successful. If you have more than one interview with a company, it is likely that one will be a luncheon meeting, since they will want to see how polished your dining skills are. There is no better or possibly worse place to make an impression than at the table.  Are you prepared to shine at a luncheon interview?

The jobs will go to the best and the brightest and the most socially skillful!

4. CRITIQUE YOUR ASSETS AND QUALIFICATIONS

Your greatest asset is self-knowledge. Know what your special abilities are, what you like to do, what your true interests and passions are, what you do best, and of course, what you are qualified to do based upon your education and experience. Be creative and flexible in your approach to job hunting. Look at the transferable skills you have which can be used in a variety of industries.

Before you can sell your qualifications, you have to sell yourself!

5. GIVE YOUR RESUME AN EDGE

Resumes are different now: they are more succinct and results-oriented. Employers today buy results and are less interested in reading a laundry list of skills. Think about the jobs you have had and how you either made money for the companies for which you worked, or how you saved them money.

Another difference now is that savvy job seekers are beginning their resumes with personal brand statements. “A personal brand statement,” according to Tom Peters, ” is a statement that identifies the qualities or characteristics that make you distinctive from your competitors–what you do that adds remarkable, measurable, distinguished, or distinctive value.” It should not be more than two sentences.

Whatever you can tastefully do to make your resume stand out from the competition is also recommended. Recruiters are getting so many resumes now that even small efforts like using the corporate logos to represent your previous employers can help make yours get noticed. Or, consider turning your “resume” into a marketing package. After all, you are marketing a product: You!

Never send a resume without a cover letter. Your cover letter should not exceed one page, and it should convey why you are seeking a job with that particular company. Targeted job searches are generally much more successful than mass mailings to companies with which you have little familiarity. If you are e-mailing your resume, be sure to include a cover letter with it as well, and send a hard copy in the mail to the company.

You are marketing a product: You!

6. PREPARE FOR YOUR INTERVIEW

If you are fortunate enough to be granted an interview, prepare for it: rehearse, rehearse, rehearse! Whether it is with your career coach, your wife, a tape recorder, or in front of your dog, make sure you have your lines straight. You should have a short and well thought- out reason why you are looking for a job, as well as why you are interested in working for the company at which you are interviewing. You don’t have to apologize or make excuses for why you don’t currently have a job, or why you are looking for a job. Be positive! Being granted an interview is the same as being invited to a party: you were invited because someone wanted you to be there. And keep in mind that, according to Career Builder.com, it takes an average of seventeen interviews to get one offer.

It is also a good thing to keep in mind that particularly in today’s business environment companies are looking for people who are flexible and have a “can-do” positive attitude, as well as a passion for what they are doing. They want emotionally intelligent team players who will work together to help their company succeed during these difficult times. At some point during the interview, it would be advisable to let your interviewer know that you are this kind of person: adaptable, a team player, and willing to do whatever you can to help the company succeed.

Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse!

Following are 10 interview etiquette tips: 

1. Be on time. When you are late, it is not only rude, but also sends the message that you don’t really care about the interview. In fact, it is advisable to be ten minutes early to compose yourself before the meeting.
2. Be polite to the receptionist. The receptionist is the gate keeper, and if you are rude to her it sends the message that you will be rude to other people in the company. People skills are considered to be as, if not more important, than your ability to do a job.
3. Follow basic meeting etiquette. Stand up when you meet someone, introduce yourself, make eye contact and offer a firm handshake. Did you know your abilities may be judged by a three-second handshake? Your handshake speaks loudly about your professionalism, credibility and confidence. It communicates a powerful nonverbal message before you speak. A firm handshake conveys “I’m interested in you and confident in my business skills”, whereas a weak handshake may be interpreted as “I’m unsure of myself and I’m uncomfortable being here and meeting you.”  Due to the pandemic, however,  handshaking may not be part of your professional greeting for some time. As the person being interviewed,  wait until your host or interviewer signals his or her preferred greeting. It may be a simple nod of the head, accompanied by a warm smile,  verbal greeting and introduction. 
4. Walk into the room with authority and poise. Keep your shoulders back, spine erect and movements smooth when walking into your interviewer’s office. This conveys confidence in yourself. If you are meeting for a virtual interview, erect posture is especially important, since it will showcase your confidence.
5. Do not take a seat until one is offered. If you do, you will appear to be disrespectful and presumptuous.
6. Sit erect; do not slouch in your chair. This shows a lack of professionalism and is a reflection on your personality. Some experts say as much as 75 percent or more of a message is communicated nonverbally rather than verbally. Whether you are interviewing in person or virtually, erect posture is a positive executive presence signal.
7. Actively participate in the interview. Make eye contact, lean forward to show interest, nod your head, and smile when appropriate. Participating actively in an interview helps you establish a rapport with your interviewer. Try to find a common ground with your interviewer. People like to hire people with whom they are comfortable and with whom they have a rapport. And finally, be upbeat and personable without being overly familiar.
8. Be prepared with your script. This includes your 15-second personal introduction “pitch” that directly correlates with your “personal brand statement”, your situation and why you are looking for a job, your job experience, qualifications, and why you think you would be a good fit for the company. When you are asked to talk about yourself, this is your opportunity to present yourself in the best possible light. Make sure you make the most of it without seeming overly confident or arrogant.
9. Ask questions. Always ask questions when asked by the interviewer if you have any questions to ask him. Not doing so implies you are not interested in the company. If you have thoroughly prepared for the interview, you will have taken a list of questions with you.
10. Thank the Interviewer. Always thank the interviewer when you leave an interview and follow-up with a thank- you note. According to Harry Beckwith, “three in four executives consider applicants’ thank-you notes in making hiring decisions.” Apparently, however, only one in three applicants sends a thank-you note. A thank-you note only needs to be four sentences, and should simply thank the person for the interview, and not be a pretense for making another pitch.

7. LEARN HOW TO SHINE AT NETWORKING EVENTS

According to Phyllis Korkki, a writer for the New York Times, “You are more likely to find a job through someone you know. The larger the circle of people, and the more you cultivate it, the better off you will be.” Everyone learns the technical skills required for their jobs, but not everyone places importance on learning how to graciously interact with others in social situations. Learning how to shine at networking events with your charisma, presence, and style is one of the most important things you can learn when looking for a job.

“You are more likely to find a job through someone you know.”

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Updated: March 2021

           10 Soft Skills to Refine to Achieve More Personal 

                      and Professional Success this Year

Much of what it takes to be successful in social settings is valuable in business as well. Impeccable manners and the ability to move with ease and grace in social circles are vital characteristics of powerful, successful people. If you are articulate, dress well, and back it up with the polished  social graces that put others at ease and enjoy being around you, virtually no group will exclude you.

It’s a new year, new decade–time for a new beginning!  Vow to become your unique, personal best. By refining the 10 soft skills outlined below, you will achieve more personal and professional success. 

1. Be open and confident.

When it comes to making the first impression, body language, as well as appearance, speaks louder than words. Use your body language to project appropriate confidence and self-assurance. Stand tall, smile, make eye contact, and shake hands with a firm grip.

 2. Dress appropriately and stylishly for all occasions; and always be well-groomed.

You should look appropriate for your environment and authentic to you. Being trendy is not important, but being current with accessories, especially shoes, color, and fashion accents indicates you are aware of what is fashionable.

“Good grooming is not just about making a polished first impression,” writes Sylvia Ann Hewlett in her book “Executive Presence.” “It is about signaling to your competitors, and yourself, that you are in total control.” When your nails are chipped, your shoes are scuffed, or your clothes are wrinkled, it is impossible to make a good impression.

3. Introduce yourself and others with warmth and enthusiasm.

Always prepare a self-introduction before going to a meeting or event. Say your name slowly and clearly, making eye contact when you introduce yourself. When introducing others, be sure to follow the rules for proper introductions, and always add something about each person to aid them in starting a conversation.

4. Be courteous.

In our modern world, how you treat others and your actions affect how people view you. Being thoughtful and thinking of others will never go out of style. When you are kind and have good manners, treat others as you would like to be treated, and make other people feel good about themselves, other people want to be around you. 

5. Build rapport for better relationships.

People like people like themselves. Try to establish a feeling that you are on the same wavelength when trying to build rapport with a new person. Pick up on key words, favorite phrases, and ways of speaking that someone uses, and build them subtly into your own conversation. Adopt a similar stance to them in terms of your body language, gestures, voice tone and speed. It is called “mirroring” and “matching.”

6. Master the art of small talk and making polite conversation.

Always have something to say. Be informed. Be conversant on a wide variety of topics. Appropriate topics of conversation include news events, sports, cultural events, entertainment, travel, hobbies, etc.

7. Listen and show genuine interest in others.

People like people who find them interesting. Nothing is more flattering to another person or wins more friends than someone who listens to them. It’s the secret weapon of charming, likable  people. 

“And above all, really focus on what is being said to you,” advises Heidi Grant Halvorson in “No One Understands You and What to Do About It.” “People need to feel they have been heard, even when you can’t give them what they are asking for.”

8. Convey warmth and competence.

According to Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy, perceptions of warmth and competence account for roughly 90 percent of the variability in whether you are perceived positively or negatively by others. Research shows eye contact, nodding, and smiling are the three key physical indicators of warmth.

 9. Sharpen your dining skills and table manners.

Let’s face it: We are judged by our table manners and we judge others by their table manners. Persons sitting at or near our table cannot help but notice our table manners or lack of them. If our table manners are good, they will judge us favorably; and if our table manners are poor, they will judge us unfavorably.

10. Build an authentic, honest, and compelling brand.

What defines you? What makes you unique? What is your highest value? Be that person on a consistent basis. Reinforce your brand at every opportunity—both online and offline. According to Sally Hogshead in “Project Fascination,” “To be more successful, you don’t have to change who you are, you only have to be more of what you are at your best.”

Wishing everyone a happy, healthy, productive 2020!  May all your goals for the new year come true!

Patricia

Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Founder, President

Updated: January 2020

 10 Tips for Communicating Confidence and Presence

with Your Powerful Body Language

“Unless the audience sees the right image, it doesn’t hear the right message. We believe it when we see it.”

                                                       -Mark Bowden, “Winning Body Language”

You can dress the part and say the right words—and granted these are extremely important—but if your body language does not match or is not congruent with your visual and verbal message, you will not be believable, or credible. In other words, you will not be able to successfully communicate your message.

From the moment you walk in the door, your body is telling people all about you; and body language is the fastest way you can showcase confidence to others and exude a winning first impression. Why is confidence so important? Because we are constantly looking for winners to lead us. According to a major study done by Carnegie Mellon, a professional’s confidence is more important than a professional’s reputation, skill set, or history.

Over half of the information you provide others about the connection you have with them comes from your body language, or body talk. In fact, 55 percent of a message in conveyed by body language; 38 percent by the tone of voice; and the verbal content only 7 percent of the perceived communication. Yes, 93% percent of communication is nonverbal.

1.     Stand tall and maintain a wide stance. 

Erect posture instantly identifies you as someone with something to contribute; and signals that you are confident. Stand like a winner. Not only will you look more confident, but you will feel more confident. And keep in mind that if you appear confident, people will think you have something to be confident about. People accept what you project,

Also keep in mind that when you sit, you want to maintain erect posture. Slouching or bad posture coveys you are a slob or not as competent as those who sit straight, according to Dr. Lillian Glass, a body language expert

“Your body shapes your mind. Your mind shapes your behavior. And your behavior shapes your future. Let your body tell that you’re powerful and deserving, and your will feel more confident.”

                                                                                   - Amy Cuddy, “Presence”

2.     Keep your head level; chin positioned properly.

A level head indicates an assured, candid, capable nature. It might also give your voice fuller tones and make you seem to be looking at people straight in the eye. A bowed head, eyes studying the floor, makes you look unsure, vulnerable, passive, and possibly even guilty of something.

3.     Walk the walk.

From the moment you walk in the room with dignity and easy confidence you tell people you are someone who matters. Walking well begins with perfect posture. Keep your rib cage high and chin up to add confidence to your walk. Think tall and light, keeping your weight forward on the balls of your feet. Do not settle into each step. Keep your momentum evenly spaced, and walk with a natural, comfortable rhythm. In general, powerful walking is more expansive, with more arm movement and a longer stride.

4.     Keep hands visible.

Avoid putting both hands in your pockets. It makes you appear uninterested or bored, uncommitted, and sometimes nervous. One hand is okay if the other hand is gesturing. Keeping hands open and palms facing upward indicates openness and honesty; and a willingness to connect with people.

“Pockets are murderers of rapport. When someone can see your hands, they feel more at ease and more likely to befriend you. When walking into a room or waiting to meet someone, keep your hands out of your pockets.”

                                                                        – Vanessa Van Edwards, “Captivate”

5.     Make eye contact.

Your eyes are powerful nonverbal tools in part because you make conscious choices of how to use them, and in part because they do a lot of things on their own. When meeting someone for the first time, it is considered polite to make eye contact for a few seconds, but it is considered quite rude to make eye contact and stare. Brief contact is considered normal, but outright staring at other people is interpreted as hostile or threatening. Not making eye contact is just as powerful. You might break eye contact and look away to signal to the other person you are ready to end the conversation or frustrated that the other person is talking too much. Not making eye contact when you meet someone for the first time is also a sign of low self-esteem, or lack of self-confidence. Eye contact should be made 40 to 60 % of the time in the appropriate eye zones.

 6.     Use facial expressions to reinforce communication.

Your face is the focal point of conversation and interaction, so the impact of its movements and expressions is magnified. The face is a tool for communicating emotions and feelings, but it is also important for regulating and directing an interaction. Once you have started a conversation with another person, your facial expressions help to encourage, or conversely, discourage further interest and interaction.

Being overly expressive, on the other hand, can detract from your credibility. In situations where you want to maximize your authority–minimize your movements and animation—especially if the audience is comprised mostly of men.  When you appear calm and contained, you look more powerful.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

7.     Give a warm smile.

Smiling is a powerful and positive nonverbal cue for signaling likeability and friendliness. It is especially important to smile when you are meeting someone, since it signals a sincere interest in meeting them. Women, however, should be aware that excessive smiling can make them appear less credible in the professional arena.

“Smiling has huge consequences for establishing connections. A smile can improve and repair relationships or ease conflict. It’s a way of saying to the other person you can be trusted.”

                                   - Marianne LaFrance, psychology professor at Yale University

 8.     Offer a firm handshake.

A handshake can produce a higher degree of trust within a matter of seconds; and the power of the handshake should never be underestimated. In the Western Culture, the only acceptable physical touching when you are meeting someone in business for the first time is the handshake. And, even with handshakes, there are many variations of the “basic” handshake. The most important thing to keep in mind, if you want to make a positive impression and convey confidence, is to firmly clasp the other person’s hand when shaking hands. Squeeze until you feel their muscles tighten, then stop.

“Handshaking is a valuable form of nonverbal communication. It is a form of interactive body language the offers insights into how the other person views the world, him or herself, and you. It is a vital, if usually subconscious, part of creating a first impression and sending a parting message.”

                                 - Robert E Brown and Dorothea Johnson, “The Power of Handshaking”

 9.     Create a credible, professional vocal image.

Voice is an important part of the nonverbal behaviors and cues that you both send and receive. Most people don’t know or understand the nonverbal influence of their voice. Before you meet someone for the first time, more than likely you have spoken to them on the telephone. Thus, the opinions they form of you are based on one thing only—your voice. It is vital, therefore, that you project the correct voice image.  Speak with optimal volume; articulate clearly; avoid mumbling; avoid filler words and sloppy words. Sound confident in what you are saying, avoiding up-speak and excessive apologies.

 10.  Use gestures to reinforce communication.

If you want to appear comfortable and unguarded, your gestures need to start talking when you begin to speak.  Don’t think about your gestures; they should appear natural and reinforce what you are saying. Hand gestures make people listen to you. They make people pay attention to the acoustics of speech, according to Spence Kelly, a professor at Colgate University. Use them sparingly at key moments. When you gesture too much or too expansively, it can be distracting and detract from your message.

I prefer for the gesturing to go no higher than the top of your chest, and no lower than the bottom of your waist. However, some body language experts believe the power sphere extends to your face.

“Picture your power sphere as a circle that runs from the top of your eyes, out to the tips of your outstretched hands, down to the belly button and back up to your eyes again. Hands that go below your navel lack energy and confidence.”

- Carmine Gallo, “Talk Like Ted”

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

       Updated October 2019

“Handshaking is a valuable form of nonverbal communication. It is a form of interactive body language that offers insights into how the other person views the world, him or herself, and you. It is a vital, if usually subconscious, part of creating a first impression and sending a parting message.”

                                          -Robert E. Brown and Dorothea Johnson, “The Power of Handshaking”

The French kiss, the Chinese bow; and yet, when the President of China recently met with the President of France, they shook hands. Do you know why? Because the handshake is the most acceptable greeting worldwide. It transcends cultures.

What impression are you making with your handshake?

Never underestimate the power of the perfect handshake! Since the beginning of time, we have reached out with our hands to say we come in friendship. That is still the meaning of a handshake.

The handshake is the only socially acceptable way in which one can touch another person in business in the Western Culture when meeting them for the first time. A handshake leaves an indelible message upon the other person.

Handshakes reveal one’s inner traits, personality, and the way one feels about the person they are meeting.

A handshake begins a business relationship; and it “seals the deal:” Let’s shake on it. In fact, that was all that was needed at one time between two people who had come to an agreement on a business deal.

The moment we have skin-to-skin touch with someone our bodies produces something called oxytocin. Oxytocin is the connection hormone. When you shake hands with someone your body produces it; and it is the exact hormone you both need to build trust and then a deeper connection. 

Why is a powerful handshake so important?        

Because in less than five seconds, a prospective employer, client or business associate can learn a lot about you – whether you’re trustworthy, confident and competent, and whether you follow through. A good handshake accompanied by direct eye contact and a warm smile signals you are confident and trustworthy—the two most important traits for a business person to possess.

To make a winning first impression, you need a powerful handshake. To stand out from the competition, you need a powerful handshake. To land the job, you need a powerful handshake. Many people have lost job and business opportunities due to a poor handshake. That’s how important a powerful handshake is.

How to Master the Powerful Handshake

1. Always be prepared for a handshake by making sure your right hand is always free to shake hands. Shift anything you are carrying to your left hand—particularly cold drinks which can make your hands feel cold and clammy.
2. Never shake hands with your left hand in your pocket. Both hands should be visible.
3. Always stand for a handshake—man or woman.
4. Make eye contact and smile warmly. Beware of smiling too much since it will make you appear over-eager. Tip: Make eye contact long enough to note the color of the person’s eyes.
5. Keep your head straight and face the other person shoulder-to-shoulder, heart-to-heart. Keep about 18” between you and the other person.
6. Flex knees; move right foot 2” ahead of the left as you extend your right hand.
7. Extend your hand vertically with the thumb up and fingers out. Avoid palm down (dominant) or palm up (submissive). And don’t extend your hand with the thumb up and fingers curled. Angle your thumb straight to the ceiling.
8. Don’t begin your handshake until you have connected web-to-web and the palms of your hands are touching.
9. Shake from the elbow, not the wrist or shoulder, with two smooth pumps.
10. Squeeze until you feel their muscles tighten, and then stop. Match the other person’s grip.

Handshakes to Avoid:

• Bone crusher
• Limp fish
• Glove Handshake

Always Shake Hands:

• When introduced to a person and when you say goodbye.
• When someone comes to your home or office to visit you.
• When introduced to a person and when you say goodbye.
• When someone comes into your home or office to visit you.
• When you meet someone outside your home or office.
• When you enter a room, are greeted by those you know, or are introduced to those you do not know.
• When you leave a gathering attended by friends or business associates.
• When you are congratulating a person who has won an award, or has given a speech.
• With those nearest you, your host, and with whomever you meet as you move around the room.
• After you have signed a contract.
• At the end of a game.

The Man-Woman Issue

• Historically, men were not expected to shake hands with a woman, but today, everyone is expected to shake hands with everyone in business. And a man should give a woman the same firm handshake he gives a man. In social situations, however, a man should wait for a woman to extend her hand first. In Europe, a man should wait for a woman to extend her hand in business as well as social situations.

• In general, the person with the higher status—man or woman—will initiate the handshake—in the Western culture. When other people observe the interaction, they perceive the initiator as having more status. When a woman walks up to a man and reaches out her hand to him, initiating the handshake, she is conveying to him, as well as to the rest of the world that she views her status as at least equal to and possibly even greater than his.

Handshaking Internationally

Handshakes can vary by culture. For instance, in the Middle East, a handshake is rather limp and lingering. In Japan, a light handshake and a nod of head are appropriate. Do your homework before traveling to another country for business. First impressions are made in seconds; and the first impression begins with your greeting.

Homework Assignment

Shake hands with several people in your office and ask them to evaluate your handshake? Is it too weak? Is it too strong?  Or, is it a firm handshake, accompanied by confident, warm, open body language?            

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick
April 2019

                                            – Mark Bowden, “Winning Body Language”

You can dress the part and use the right words—and granted these are extremely important—but if your body language does not match, or is not congruent, with your visual and verbal message, you will not be believable. In other words, you will not be able to successfully communicate your message.                                

From the moment you walk in the door, your body is telling people all about you; and body language is the fastest way you can showcase confidence to others and exude a winning first impression. Why is confidence so important? Because we are constantly looking for winners to lead us. According to a major study done by Carnegie Mellon University, a professional’s confidence is more important than a professional’s reputation, skill set, or history.

Over half of the information you provide others about the connection you have with them comes from your body language, or body talk. In fact, 55 percent of a message in conveyed by body language; 38 percent by the tone of voice; and the verbal content only 7 percent of the perceived communication. Yes, 93% percent of communication is nonverbal.

Following are 10 body language cues you can use to showcase your confidence and professional presence:

1.     Stand tall and maintain a wide stance.   

Erect posture instantly identifies you as someone with something to contribute; and signals that you are confident. Stand like a winner. Not only will you look more confident, but you will feel more confident. And keep in mind that if you appear confident, people will think you have something to be confident about. People accept what you project.

Also keep in mind that when you sit, you want to maintain erect posture. Slouching or bad posture coveys you are a slob or not as competent as those who sit straight, according to Dr. Lillian Glass, a body language expert.

“Your body shapes your mind. Your mind shapes your behavior. And your behavior shapes your future. Let your body tell that you’re powerful and deserving, and you will feel more confident.”                  

 -Amy Cuddy, “Presence”

 2.     Keep your head level; chin positioned properly.

A level head indicates an assured, candid, capable nature. It might also give your voice fuller tones and make you seem to be looking at people straight in the eye. A bowed head, eyes studying the floor, makes you look unsure, vulnerable, passive, and possibly even guilty of something.

3.     Walk the walk.

From the moment you walk in the room with dignity and easy confidence you tell people you are someone who matters. Walking well begins with perfect posture. Keep your rib cage high and chin up to add confidence to your walk. Think tall and light, keeping your weight forward on the balls of your feet. Do not settle into each step. Keep your momentum evenly spaced, and walk with a natural, comfortable rhythm. In general, powerful walking is more expansive, with more arm movement and a longer stride.

 4.     Keep hands visible.

Avoid putting both hands in your pockets. It makes you appear uninterested or bored, uncommitted, and sometimes nervous. One hand is okay if the other hand is gesturing. Keeping hands open and palms facing upward indicates openness and honesty; and a willingness to connect with people.

“Pockets are murderers of rapport. When someone can see your hands, they feel more at ease and more likely to befriend you. When walking into a room or waiting to meet someone, keep your hands out of your pockets.”

 - Vanessa Van Edwards, “Captivate”

 5.     Make eye contact.

Your eyes are powerful nonverbal tools in part because you make conscious choices of how to use them, and in part because they do a lot of things on their own. When meeting someone for the first time, it is considered polite to make eye contact for a few seconds, but it is considered quite rude to make eye contact and stare. Brief contact is considered normal, but outright staring at other people is interpreted as hostile or threatening. Not making eye contact is just as powerful. You might break eye contact and look away to signal to the other person you are ready to end the conversation or frustrated that the other person is talking too much. Not making eye contact when you meet someone for the first time is also a sign of low self-esteem, or lack of self-confidence. Eye contact should be made 40 to 60 % of the time in the appropriate eye zones.

 6.     Use facial expressions to reinforce communication.

Your face is the focal point of conversation and interaction, so the impact of its movements and expressions is magnified. The face is a tool for communicating emotions and feelings, but it is also important for regulating and directing an interaction. Once you have started a conversation with another person, your facial expressions help to encourage, or conversely, discourage further interest and interaction.

Being overly expressive, on the other hand, can detract from your credibility. In situations where you want to maximize your authority–minimize your movements and animation—especially if the audience is comprised mostly of men.  When you appear calm and contained, you look more powerful.

  7.  Give a warm smile.

Smiling is a powerful and positive nonverbal cue for signaling likeability and friendliness. It is especially important to smile when you are meeting someone, since it signals a sincere interest in meeting them. Women, however, should be aware that excessive smiling can make them appear less credible in the professional arena.

“Smiling has huge consequences for establishing connections. A smile can improve and repair relationships or ease conflict. It’s a way of saying to the other person you can be trusted.”  

 - Marianne LaFrance, Psychology Professor, Yale University

 8.     Offer a firm handshake.

A handshake can produce a high degree of trust within a matter of seconds; and the power of the handshake should never be underestimated. In the Western Culture, the only acceptable physical touching when you are meeting someone in business for the first time is the handshake. And, even with handshakes, there are many variations of the “basic” handshake. The most important thing to keep in mind, if you want to make a positive impression and convey confidence, is to firmly clasp the other person’s hand when shaking hands. Squeeze until you feel their muscles tighten, then stop.

“Handshaking is a valuable form of nonverbal communication. It is a form of interactive body language the offers insights into how the other person views the world, him or herself, and you. It is a vital, if usually subconscious, part of creating a first impression and sending a parting message.”                               

  – Robert E Brown and Dorothea Johnson, “The Power of Handshaking”

9.     Create a credible, professional vocal image.  

Voice is an important part of the nonverbal behaviors and cues that you both send and receive. Most people don’t know or understand the nonverbal influence of their voice. Before you meet someone for the first time, more than likely you have spoken to them on the telephone. Thus, the opinions they form of you are based on one thing only—your voice. It is vital, therefore, that you project the correct vocal image.  Speak with optimal volume; articulate clearly; avoid mumbling; avoid filler words and sloppy words. Sound confident in what you are saying, avoiding up-speak and excessive apologies.

 10.  Use gestures to reinforce communication.

If you want to appear comfortable and unguarded, your gestures need to start talking when you begin to speak.  Don’t think about your gestures; they should appear natural and reinforce what you are saying. Hand gestures make people listen to you. They make people pay attention to the acoustics of speech, according to Spence Kelly, a professor at Colgate University. Use them sparingly at key moments. When you gesture too much or too expansively, it can be distracting and detract from your message.

I agree with the body language experts who recommend gesturing to no higher than the top of your chest, and no lower than the bottom of your waist. However, some body language experts believe the power sphere extends to your face.

“Picture your power sphere as a circle that runs from the top of your eyes, out to the tips of your outstretched hands, down to the belly button and back up to your eyes again. Hands that hang below your navel lack energy and confidence.

 -  Carmine Gallo, “Talk Like Ted”

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

       November 2018