This year it will be particularly stressful due to the COVID-19 pandemic. I would recommend planning to gift the people you traditionally remember during the holidays even if you have used their services very little this year; since this year, they may need your gift more than ever. If you are struggling to meet ends meet now and cannot do what you have done in the past, send a hand-written note to those on your list that expresses your gratitude for their services; wishes them a joyous holiday season; and lets them know you are looking forward to seeing them next year when everything is back to normal. 

The following is a list of all who are generally thanked at Christmastime and the gifts considered appropriate or acceptable for them: 

• Hairstylist/Colorist: Cost of one session

• Barber: Cost of one session

• Manicurist: $25 to $50 or gift

• Personal trainer: Up to the cost of one session and a gift

• Housekeeper: Up to the cost of one visit; or one-or-two week’s pay, full-time

• Au-pair or live-in nanny: One- or-two week’s pay, and a gift from your child

• Teacher: Gift card or gift certificate for up to $25, or pitch in with some of the other parents and buy a more expensive gift certificate

• Coaches, Tutors, Music Teachers: A small gift from your child

• Day care provider: $20 to $70 each, plus a small gift from your child

• Babysitter: An evening’s pay, plus a gift from your child

• Massage therapist: Up to the cost of one session

• Superintendent: $75 to $175; broad range $50 to $500

• Doorman: $25 to $150; broad range $10 to $1,000  

• Handyman: $25 to $50; broad range $10 to $75

• Parking garage attendant: $25 to $75 each: or ½ month’s rent divided

• Country club staff: $50 for someone you see regularly

• Pool cleaner: Cost of one session

• Mail carrier: Small gift or gift card up to $20: gifts of cash not permitted

• Fedex: Can accept gifts valued at $75 or less; gifts of cash not permitted

• UPS: Advised to politely decline; but no firm policy about not accepting

  cash gifts

• Newspaper carrier: $10 to $30

• Personal assistant: Small gift and a holiday bonus based on performance

• Senior Care Aide: $25 to $100 depending upon frequency

• Trash collector (house): $20 to $30

• Sanitation worker: $10 to $30 each for private service; check your local municipality for regulations, as some areas may not allow tipping

• Gardener: $20 to $50 or a gift card or cost or cost of one week’s service

• Pool cleaner: Up to the cost of one cleaning or a gift card

• Dog walker: Up to one week’s pay or a gift

• Pet Groomer: Up to the cost of one session or a gift

DO:

1. Use crisp bills to tip with.

2. Put them in a tasteful envelope marked with the person’s name on it.

3.  Add a short personal note thanking them for helping you throughout the year.

4. Give cash gifts early in December so that they can use the money to buy their holiday gifts.

Prioritize your list:

1. Importance of their service to you.

2. The quality of their service

3. The frequency of their service.

4. How long you’ve used the service.

5. Regional tipping/gifting guidelines

6. The amount of the gift you gave last year.

Gift ideas for mail carrier or Fedex:

1. A gift card to a restaurant that serves hot meals and cold drinks.

2. A Starbucks gift card and cheerful travel mug

3. A beautiful scarf perfect for this time of year.

4. A mini valet to stylishly stow away keys.

5. Luxurious hand cream with a holiday candle or a warm pair of gloves. (I have to preface this comment with the fact that I once suggested warm gloves as a good alternative and was inundated with responses from people who said it was a ridiculous gift — but, still, here it is again on a particular mail carriers “wish list”.

6. An eco-friendly reusable water bottle.

7. A warm hat.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

     Updated:  December 2020

While your resume and job skills may help you get your foot in the door, it will be your polished soft skills that will enable you to land jobs, get promotions, win clients, and successfully launch a new business. But what are soft skills? Soft skills refer to a cluster of personal traits, including your work ethic, your attitude, your communication skills, and a host of other personal attributes that are crucial for success in business. Soft skills are also known as interpersonal skills, social skills, and people skills. Soft skills are 85% of success in getting a job, keeping a job, and moving up in an organization; technical skills or the knowledge required for a job account for 15%, according to research.

Following are 10 soft skills to cultivate to be successful in business:

1. Be interested in others and the world around you.

People like people who are interested in them and the world around them—not just in themselves. “Your goal is to make others feel comfortable around you by focusing on them; and you can influence people’s perceptions of you by playing to their needs,” writes Camille Lavington in “You’ve Got Three Seconds.” Knowing what is going on in the world will not only make you appear less egocentric, but it will also equip you with conversation topics for everyone with whom you come into contact.   

 2. Be a good listener and ask questions.

“Research has consistently demonstrated that ineffective listening habits present the most common barriers to success in relationships and careers,” according to Larry Barker and Kittie Watson, authors of Listen Up. People like to know they are being heard and that their ideas are appreciated. By being a good listener, you let others know that you value them and what they have to say. Etiquette expert Letitia Baldridge says, “Politeness decrees that you must listen to be kind; intelligence decrees that you must listen to learn.”

 3.Be skilled at relationship management.

“Relationship management is your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully,” according to Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, authors of “Emotional Intelligence 2.0.”
People like to work with people they like, trust, and feel understand them. Today’s workplace can be very stressful; but when you are skilled at relationship management, you can more effectively work with your team members to overcome seemingly insurmountable challenges and obstacles to achieve a win-win scenario for all.

 4. Be good natured; have a sense of humor.

Be positive; try to make the best of situations; and don’t take yourself too seriously. A judicious and tasteful sense of humor can often deflate tense situations; and studies show having a sense of humor can help you get ahead at work. A survey by Robert Half International, for instance, found that 91% of executives believe a sense of humor is important for career advancement; while 84% feel that people with a good sense of humor do a better job. Another study by Bell Leadership Institute found that the two most desirable traits in leaders were a strong work ethic and a good sense of humor. “A sense of humor is the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of   getting things done.”  -Dwight D. Eisenhower

 5. Be a team player.

“We’re all in this together; and let’s make it work” is an attitude that is appreciated by everyone. To paraphrase Harvard professor David Deming in his paper “The Growing Importance of Social Skills in the Labor Market,” “As work is becoming more team-oriented, workers with strong soft skills are more able to work well with others and will be considered more valuable, since good teamwork increases productivity.”

 6. Be polished.

Your appearance remains one of the main factors that will encourage others to work with and for you. It is important, not only in first impression, but also in ongoing interactions. It is the filter through which your talent, suitability, and communication skills will be evaluated. According to a research study by senior managers in the U.S.A., polish is by far the most important aspect of appearance. Polish your appearance for success!

 7. Be confident.

“Confidence is important because it is the most attractive personal brand attribute. When someone exudes confidence, we want to work with them; we are more likely to follow their lead,” says William Arruda, personal branding expert. And, “Employers will know they can trust you with a project and that you are likely going to be good at motivating others as well,” according to Dr. Katharine Brooks, author of “You Majored in What? Your Path from Chaos to Career.” “Fake it until you become it.” Amy Cuddy, author of “Presence.”

 8. Be an effective communicator.

Communication skills are some of the most important skills you will need to succeed in the workplace. “First communication is not so much what you say, but rather how you say it. And this you can condition and control,” according to Sylvania Ann Hewlett, author of “Executive Presence.” Your words and your body language must be congruent to be believable.

 9. Be skilled at making small talk.

Small talk “breaks the ice;” it makes others feel comfortable and puts them at ease. It is the first level of a conversation; it is about the current situation—how you got there, the weather, the location, mutual friends or other connections. When you work in an office environment, making small talk and socializing with team members is essential for building rapport with them.

 10. Be polite and treat everyone with respect.

Good manners and civil behavior will be noticed and approved of, just as poor manners and uncivil behavior will work against one. Having good manners and a respectful attitude toward others will make people want to be around you—in and out of the office. “Civility lifts perceptions of warmth and competence. Civility lifts people,” writes Christine Porath in her New York Times article “No Time to Be Nice at Work.”

 By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

 Updated/Re-posted: September 2017

It’s that special time of the year when we gather around the table to celebrate Thanksgiving with our family and friends. Using our best table manners and polished social skills will ensure that we will make a good impression and that it will be an enjoyable and pleasant time for all.

As Emily Post once said, “The real test of table manners is to never offend the sensibilities of others.” Good table manners are really nothing more than having a sensitive awareness of others and conducting oneself in a manner that makes the dining experience pleasant for everyone involved. This year, in particular, we need to avoid discussing politics so that we do not “offend the sensibilities” of our family members or friends.

When we know what is expected of us at the table, we can concentrate on making stimulating conversation with our dinner companions and enjoying ourselves. Following are my top 20 dos and do nots of table manners to guide you through your meal this holiday:

Do’s

1.  Do try a little of everything you are served unless you know you are allergic to a
certain food or are a vegetarian.

2.  Do take modest portions of food if you are serving yourself.

3.  Do avoid talking with food in your mouth. Take small bites, and you’ll find it
easier to answer questions or join in on conversations at the table.

4.  Do wait until you have swallowed the food in your mouth before you take a sip of your beverage.

5.  Do wipe your fingers and mouth often with a your napkin.

6.  Do remember your posture at the table. Sit erect. Do not slouch. Keep your arms,
as well as as your elbows, off the table.

7.   Do study your flatware, and eat from the outside in. Remember that once you take
your silverware off of the table to use it, it should never touch the table again.

8.   Do look into, not over, the cup or glass when drinking.

9.   Do cut one piece of meat or fish at a time on your plate and eat it before cutting the next one.

10. Do bring your food to your mouth when you eat, not your mouth to your food.

11.  Do leave dropped silver on the floor. Quietly signal the wait staff to replace it.

12. Do ask for food to be passed at the table; never reach across the table or
across another person to get something.

13. Do pass food and other items to the right, or counter clockwise, at the table.

14. Do pass salt and pepper together: They are “married” and never separated.

15. Do use a utensil instead of your fingers.

16. Do remove an object such as bone gristle from your mouth with your thumb
and index finger and place it on the rim of your plate rather than in your napkin.

17. Do turn your head to the side and cover your mouth with your napkin if you
have to sneeze or cough at the table.

18. Do put your napkin in your chair and push your chair in if you have to leave
the table during the meal.

 19. Do place your silverware in the 10:20 “finished” position when you are finished
with a course.

20. Do say something nice about the food to your host or hostess when finished.

Do Nots

1.   Do not begin to eat until everyone has been served when you are seated with a small group.

2.   Do not help yourself to bread and butter before offering it to the person sitting next to you.

3.   Do not overload your plate when serving yourself.

4.   Do not overload your fork when eating.

5.   Do not season food before tasting it.

6.   Do not spread your elbows when cutting meat. Keep them close to your sides.

7.   Do not saw the meat in a back and forth motion. Stroke it toward you.

8.   Do not chew with your mouth open.

9.   Do not eat too quickly or too slowly; keep pace with the others at the table.

10. Do not talk about your personal food likes and dislikes when eating.

11.  Do not exchange food samples after everyone has begun eating; and never
reach over and “spear” food out of another person’s plate with your fork.

12. Do not touch your face or head at the table.

13. Do not blow your nose with your napkin; use your handkerchief.

14. Do not pick your teeth at the table, either with a toothpick or your fingers.

15. Do not call attention to your eating by making noise either with your mouth or
by scraping your silverware against your plate.

16. Do not gesture with your knife, fork, or spoon in your hand.

17. Do not push your plate away from you when you have finished. Leave it
where it is with the silverware properly placed in the 10:20 “I am finished” position. 

18. Do not discuss unpleasant or controversial subjects at the table.

19. Do not place your cell phone, keys, or handbag on the table.

20. Do not answer your cell phone or text on it while you are at the table.

By Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Updated: November 23, 2016

10 Tips to Smooth Your Way When You Travel Internationally

Just as people in our native country warm up to us when we are polite and show interest in them, the same is true when we visit other countries—whether for business or pleasure. Cultural sensitivity, and a sincere interest in the local customs and its citizens, is a must for traveling to other countries if we want to have enjoyable and pleasant experiences.

The following basic courtesies will smooth your way when you travel internationally:

1. Greet others according to the local custom. Be prepared to shake hands frequently in Europe and to bow, or nod, when shaking hands in Asia.

2. Allow for greater formality. Titles are often used, and you shouldn’t immediately call a person by his or her first name unless they specifically request it.

3. Pay close attention to your grooming and the standards of dress in the country.

4. Be open-minded. Don’t criticize the customs in the host country, and never express frustration that things aren’t done in “the American way.”

5. Become familiar with the gift-giving customs and protocol, which vary greatly from country to country. Consider the person  receiving the gift, their status, what types of gifts are acceptable, and how and when it should be presented.

6. Be able to say the “niceties” in your host country’s language: “Please.” “Thank-you.” “You are welcome.” “Pardon me.” “Good morning.” “Good evening.”

7. Be respectful about praising or admiring your host’s possessions. In some cultures the host will be obliged to give the admired gift to you, whether he can afford to or not.

8. Respect the dietary customs of the country. If someone is hosting you, don’t request food or a drink that may by contrary to your host’s practices.

9. Know the protocol for ordering and the appropriate amount to tip the wait staff when dining out.

10. Refrain from being loud in speech and attention-getting actions and dress.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

August 17, 2016

HOW TO BE A CONSIDERATE GUEST AND THOUGHTFUL HOST

How to Be a Considerate Guest

• Do be clear about when you are expected to arrive, and when you are expected to leave; and do not go earlier or stay longer.

   

• Do take a house gift; and if you are staying longer than a weekend, offer to take your host/hostess out to dinner one evening.

   

• If possible, have a means of transportation so you don’t have to rely on your host/hostess to chauffeur you around.

   

• Do not ask to bring a pet with you, unless you have a small “perfect” dog, and you know they won’t mind. Large dogs and cats should left at home.

   

• If your child is sick, be sure to let your hosts know before you arrive at their house; and offer to  reschedule your visit.

   

• Ask what the attire will be for the weekend so that you are able to dress appropriately for all of the weekend’s festivities, and will not have to borrow your hosts’ clothes.

• Do think of activities to occupy you for at least part of the day. Don’t expect your hosts to keep you entertained from morning until night, unless you know your host is expecting you to accompany them on all of the outings during the day, such as to the golf course, tennis court, beach, et cetera.

   

• Do not leave your wet bath or sandy beach towels on the floor.

   

• Do try to keep your room fairly neat. Make your own bed each morning unless there is a maid to make it for you. Be sure the bathroom is kept neat as well.

   

• Do pack a robe. You may have to walk down the hall to go to the bathroom; and you may want to go to breakfast wearing one if it’s acceptable in the house you are visiting.

   

• Ask what the rules of the house are. Are shoes allowed in the house? What time does everyone wake up and go to sleep?

   

• Do not treat your hosts as your personal servants. Offer to help out with the cooking and dishes.

   

• Do not expect your hosts to follow your diet regimen. If you are on a strict diet, it might be better to save your visit to another time when you can eat what your hosts are eating.

   

• Be on time for meals and activities.

   

• Do not complain about your bed, your room, the food, the activities that have been planned for your stay, et cetera.  In other words, be an appreciative guest.

   

• On the day of your departure, take the sheets, blankets, and pillow cases off the bed, fold them, and leave them neatly on top of the bed—unless, of course, your hosts have a live-in help.

   

• Do remember to send a thank-you note to your hosts when you get home.

   

How to Be a Thoughtful Host

• Do invite guests whom you know fairly well and know will enjoy the kind of weekend that is enjoyable to you.

   

• Tell your guests when you would like for them to arrive and leave.

   

• Give your guests an idea about what you have planned for the weekend and the clothes they will need to bring for the various activities.  If you are taking them to your club for dinner, and jackets are required, that is something they need to know.

   

• If you are inviting friends you don’t know that well, it is a good idea to ask them if they have any special dietary needs or allergies.

   

• Do stock your kitchen and bar with your guests’ favorite foods and drinks.

   

• Do give your guests some free time during the day. It isn’t necessary, nor is necessarily appreciated by your guests, for you to have every minute of the day planned. Do, however, have some group outings/activities planned.

   

• Let your guests know what time you usually have your meals—particularly breakfast. If you are a late sleeper, and they are earlier risers, show them where you keep the coffee and let them know they are welcome to make their own breakfast.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Updated: June 20, 2016

I would like to dedicate this blog to the Spring 2016 college graduates throughout the U.S.A. and around the world.  I did not write these ten commandments; Charles M. Schwab, an American steel magnate, wrote them. I do, however, wholeheartedly agree with them and believe that if you follow Mr. Schwab’s ten commandments, you will be successful in life, wherever it may take you.

1. Work Hard: Hard work is the best investment a person can make.

2. Study Hard: Knowledge enables a person to work more intelligently and effectively.

3. Have Initiative: Ruts often deepen into graves.

4. Love Your Work: Then you will find pleasure in mastering it.

5. Be Exact: Slipshod methods bring slipshod results.

6. Have the Spirit of Conquest: Thus you can successfully battle and overcome difficulties.

7. Cultivate Personality: Personality is to a person what perfume is to
   the flower.

8. Help and Share with Others: The real test of business greatness lies in giving opportunity to others.

9. Be Democratic: Unless you feel right toward others, you can never be a successful leader.

10.  In All Things Do Your Best: The person who has done his best has done everything. The person who has done less than his best has done nothing.

                                                                                                                                                  -Adapted from Charles M. Schwab

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Why are you so rude?

It’s a question that reaches beyond the popular MAGIC! song — especially when someone is interupted while talking or being completely ignored.

But many people remain oblivious to some of the worst conversational faux pas.

Here are the ten biggest mistakes people make:

10. Seeming uninterested in what the other person is saying

Sometimes it takes more effort to stay engaged with someone while they speak — and not start thinking about several unrelated things during the conversation.

But forget about grocery shopping for a minute and try to pay attention.

“I always say that listening is one of the highest compliments that you can pay another person,” founder and president of the Etiquette School of New York, Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick, told the Daily News.

Yawning and failing to make enough eye contact can signal disinterest as well — making it very uncomfortable for the person talking.

Enough eye contact signals that you are interested in what is being said.

9. Checking your phone

Nearly everyone has been guilty of this rude gesture.

People have become more likely to check their smart phones repeatedly — whether someone is checking an email from work or a friend’s latest status update.

“It’s almost like a reflex action with people, they’re just so used to looking at it every few seconds,” Napier-Fitzpatrick said.

Earlier this year, a study found that heavy cell phone use was closely linked to having a poor attention span — we’re the living proof.

Experts like Napier-Fitzpatrick believe that taking the gadget off the table and putting it in your pocket can make it less tempting to check for messages or log on to social media — giving whoever is speaking your undivided attention.

“The best thing to do when you’re with another person is to realize that the person in front of you is the one you’re having a conversation with and should show your respect to,” Napier-Fitzpatrick said.

If you’re expecting a call — then just let the other person know.

8. Speaking with your mouth full

Being the middle of holiday season, many people are spending their time eating.

But try to think before you speak, experts warn.

“Make sure that you finish swallowing before you talk,” Napier-Fitzpatrick said.

Considering the amount of time most spend around the table during the holidays, there should be ample time to chew and swallow before talking.

Everyone around will thank you.

7. One-upping

Your friend is telling you a story about spotting a snake while swimming in Lake George over the summer — and then you remember you saw a bear two feet away from you in the Poconos.

Somehow both experiences seemed outrageous in your mind and you felt the need to share yours — dismissing her snake in the lake story and deeming it less important than yours.

Bad news — you’re a one-upper and most people hate it.

Experts say that people who normally do this have low self-esteem, which is why he or she feels the need to be better than anyone taking the spotlight.

6. Correcting someone’s grammar

No one is perfect, and sometimes grammar rules slip away during basic conversations — but try to avoid correcting anyone in public, experts say.

Just because a person said he “did good” instead of “did well” on a test, doesn’t mean it’s an opportunity to shame him for unknowingly committing a crime against proper grammar.

Either let it slide, or mention the offense in private.

5. Finishing someone’s sentences

Research suggests that the brain is constantly trying to predict what other people are about to say — not only the basic content of the message, but also the word choice and the phrasing of the sentences.

But, some people just take longer to articulate their thoughts — be patient and give them the time they need.

“They (the culprits) are just excited and eager and think that they’re helping you finish sentences,” she says.

“You’re not helping them, it’s rude, unless they ask you to help them.”

Abstain from this common, but bothersome, bad habit unless someone specifically asks for it — “What’s that word I’m looking for?” — in which case, feel free to jump in.

“If you can, be patient and focus and have the self-control to be a good listener and more people would want to be around you,” Napier-Fitzpatrick recommended.

4. Forgetting someone’s name or calling them by the wrong one

You just met someone and you’ve already forgotten his or her name within seconds.

It happens — it happens a lot — even to the most thoughtful of people.

But don’t try to hide the mistake, which can lead to insulting a person if you call him or her by a different name — just be honest and ask for his or her name again.

Politeness will always win.

3. Rude questions

Napier-Fitzpatrick says awkward questions — like “Are you married?” or “How much money to you make?” — should be handled with grace and humor.

Just politely respond — “Well, I’m married to my job right now” — or simply tell the person you just don’t want to discuss your love life with him or her.

“Some people don’t know it’s rude and others are just curious,” Napier-Fitzpatrick said.

The key is knowing that you have the power to discuss as much or as little as you’d wish about your personal life — and just because you were put on the spot, does not mean that you need to answer every question that comes your way.

2. Talking over

Speaking over someone shows a lack of respect for what the other person has to contribute to the conversation — so it’s best to just wait your turn.

“They just want to say what they want to say rather than listen to another person,” Napier-Fitzpatrick said.

“Some people are egocentric — I, I, I, what about you?” she said.

1. Tunnel vision

Starting any conversation with an agenda — whether it’s at a networking event, or having lunch with a co-worker — is discourteous.

Be open to new ideas, let the conversation flow and, most of all — and mentioned in rules five and two — listen to the other person.

Interview by Melissa Stumpf, “New York Daily News”
December 16, 2015

10 Tips to Help You Polish Your Personal Brand

1. Be open and confident.When it comes to making the first impression, body language, as well as appearance, speaks louder than words. Make an entrance! Use your body language to project appropriate confidence and self-assurance. Stand tall, smile, make eye contact, and shake hands with a firm grip.

    

2. Dress appropriately and stylishly for all occasions; and always be well-groomed. You should look appropriate for your environment and authentic to you. Being trendy is not important, but being current with accessories, especially shoes, color, and fashion accents indicates you are aware of what is fashionable.

    

   “Good grooming is not just about making a polished first impression,” writes Sylvia Ann Hewlett in her book “Executive Presence.” “It is about signaling to your competitors, and yourself, that you are in total control.” When your nails are chipped, your shoes are scuffed, or your clothes are wrinkled, it is impossible to make a good impression.

    

3. Introduce yourself and others with warmth and enthusiasm. Always prepare a self-introduction before going to a meeting or event. Say your name slowly and clearly, making eye contact when you introduce yourself. When introducing others, be sure to follow the rules for proper introductions, and always add something about each person to aid them in starting a conversation.

4. Be courteous. In our modern world, how you treat others. and your actions, affect how people view you. Being thoughtful and thinking of others will never go out of style. When you are kind and have good manners and treat others as you would like to be treated, and make other people feel good about themselves, other people want to be around you. (Studies show that women value kindness above looks as the most important quality for a man to have.)

    

5. Build rapport for better relationships. People like people like themselves. Try to establish a feeling that you are on the same wavelength when trying to build rapport with a new person. Pick up on key words, favorite phrases, and ways of speaking that someone uses, and build them subtly into your own conversation. Adopt a similar stance to them in terms of your body language, gestures, voice tone and speed. It is called “mirroring” and “matching.”

    

6. Master the art of small talk and making polite conversation. Always have something to say. Know a little about a lot of things. Take the initiative; don’t just stand there. Open the conversation by being in the moment. Then, go on to other appropriate topics of conversation such as news events, sports, entertainment, travel, hobbies, etc.

    

7. Listen and show genuine interest in others. People like people who find them interesting. Nothing is more flattering to another person or wins more friends than someone who listens to them. It’s the secret of weapon of the charmers.

   “And above all, really focus on what is being said to you, advises Heidi Grant Halvorson in “No One Understands You and What to Do about It.” People need to feel they have been heard, even when you can’t give them what they are asking for.

8. Convey warmth and competence.  According to Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy, perceptions of warmth and competence account for roughly 90 percent of the variability in whether you are perceived positively or negatively by others. Research shows eye contact, nodding, and smiling are the three key physical indicators of warmth.

    

9. Sharpen your dining skills and table manners. Let’s face it: We are judged by our table manners and we judge others by their table manners. Persons sitting at or near our table cannot help but notice our table manners or lack of them. If our table manners are good, they will judge us favorably; and if our table manners are poor, they will judge us unfavorably.

    

10. Build an authentic, honest, and compelling brand. What defines you? What makes you unique? What is your highest value? Be that person on a consistent basis. Reinforce your brand at every opportunity, both online and offline. According to Sally Hogshead in “Project Fascination,” “To be more successful, you don’t have to change who you are, you only have to be more of what you are at your best.”

I invite you to join one of our upcoming one-day “Polished and Proper for Fall: Social Success Makeover Finishing School for Adults” group classes this fall. You will gain the social graces, confidence, etiquette knowledge, and personal style necessary to polish your personal brand in order to achieve success in your personal and professional life.

For complete details regarding the class: http://etiquette-ny.com/social-succeess-makeover/

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick
August 2015

How to Be a Considerate Guest

• Do be clear about when you are expected to arrive, and when you are expected to leave; and don’t go earlier or stay longer.

   

• Do take a house gift; and if you are staying longer than a weekend, offer to take your host/hostess out to dinner one evening.

   

• If possible, have a means of transportation so you don’t have to rely on your host/hostess to chauffeur you around.

   

• Do not ask to bring a pet with you, unless you have a small “perfect” dog, and you know they won’t mind. Large dogs and cats should left at home.

   

• Ask what the attire will be for the weekend so that you are able to dress appropriately for all of the weekend’s festivities, and will not have to borrow your hosts’ clothes.

   

• Do think of activities to occupy you for at least part of the day. Don’t expect your hosts to keep you entertained from morning until night—unless you know your host is expecting you to accompany them on all of the outings during the day, such as to the golf course, tennis court, beach, etc.

   

• Don’t leave your wet bath or sandy beach towels on the floor.

   

• Do try to keep your room fairly neat. Make your own bed each morning unless there is a maid to make it for you. Be sure the bathroom is kept neat as well.

   

• Do pack a robe. You may have to walk down the hall to go to the bathroom; and you may want to go to breakfast wearing one if it’s acceptable in the house you are visiting.

   

• Ask what the rules of the house are. Are shoes allowed in the house? What time does everyone wake up and go to sleep?

   

• Don’t treat your hosts as your personal servants. Offer to help with the cooking and dishes.

   

• Don’t expect your hosts to follow your diet regimen. If you are on a strict diet, it might be better to save your visit for another time when you can eat what your hosts are eating.

   

• Be on time for meals and activities.

   

• Don’t complain about your bed, your room, the food, or the activities that have been planned for your stay, etc.  In other words, be an appreciative guest.

   

• On the day of your departure, take the sheets, blankets, and pillowcases off of the bed, fold them, and leave them on the top of the bed—unless, of course, your hosts have full-time household help, or they would prefer that you leave the bed as it is.

   

• Do remember to send a thank-you note to your hosts when you get home.

   

How to Be a Thoughtful Host

• Do invite guests whom you know fairly well and know will enjoy the kind of weekend that is enjoyable to you.

   

• Let your guests know when you would prefer for them to arrive and leave.

   

• Give your guests an idea about what you have planned for the weekend and the clothes they will need to bring for the various activities.  If you are taking them to your club for dinner, and jackets are required, that is something they will need to know.

   

• If you are inviting friends you don’t know that well, it is a good idea to ask them if they have any special dietary needs or allergies.

   

• Do stock your kitchen and bar with your guests’ favorite foods and drinks.

   

• Do give your guests some free time during the day. It isn’t necessary—nor is necessarily appreciated by your guests—for you to have every minute of the day planned. Do, however, have some group outings/activities planned.

   

• Let your guests know what time you usually have your meals—particularly breakfast. If you are a late sleeper, and they are earlier risers, show them where you keep the coffee and let them know they are welcome to make their own breakfast.

   

• Give your guests a map of your town if they are new to the area.

   

• Check to make sure the guest room is ready for your guests: fresh sheets, flowers, snacks, reading material, an alarm clock, pad and pen by the bed, a couple of empty drawers bureau drawers, extra coat hangers in the closet, a mirror, and anything else you think they might like or need in their room to be comfortable. And also check to see that the bathroom they will use will have everything they need.

   

• Do let your guests know if there is a limited supply of hot water in your house. They will be embarrassed if they unknowingly use all of the hot water before the others in the house have had a chance to take a shower.

   

• Try to anticipate your guests’ special needs—if there are any. Remember, that as a host, it is your number one responsibility to make your guests feel welcome and comfortable in your home.

 By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Making a good impression at a conference or networking event is the first step to successfully achieving your goals. The best way to appear confident and poised is to dress appropriately for the event, know what your agenda is for it, and come prepared with a compelling 15-second self-introduction specifically tailored for the event.

The following tips will help you avoid the most common mistakes people make when attending and approaching clients and partners at conferences and networking events:

Top 10 Don’ts

1. Don’t network too obviously or aggressively.

2. Don’t walk around with a beverage in one hand and food in the other hand. The right  hand should always be free to shake hands with a firm, dry handshake.

3. Don’t wear your name badge on the left side; it goes on the right side under your shoulder blade.

4. Don’t jump into a business discussion with a potential client or ask for their business before making small talk and establishing rapport. You’re not selling potential clients on your services; you’re selling them on the idea that you’re the correct person to administer those services and someone with whom they would enjoy doing business.

5. Don’t barge into conversations. If you would like to join a group, wait until there is a break in the conversation, and gracefully join the group by asking “May I join you?” Introduce yourself, and shake hands with everyone in the group.

6. Don’ talk just to be talking or make the mistake of talking about inappropriate subjects, such as confidential matters, controversial issues, criticisms of co-workers, your company, management, or anything too personal. Come prepared to talk about what would be of interest to the people that will be attending the event.

7. Don’t walk away from a conversation without graciously excusing yourself. You can say something like, “I’ve enjoyed talking with you. I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening.”

8. Don’t fail to introduce new people to those around you; and be sure you know how to make proper business introductions.

9. Don’t give your business card to another person unless they have asked for it.  That is standard business card protocol.

10. Don’t complain about the number, kind, planning, or running of conferences or networking events—at least not before or after an actual one. Complain later, if you like, when you are far away from the group attending the event. It’s too easy to be overheard and get labeled as a malcontent.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

The Etiquette School of New York

June 2015