10 Tips to Help You Refine Your Social Graces

Resolve to make this your best fall ever. Become your unique, personal best by refining your social graces. Impeccable manners and the ability to move with ease and grace in the social arena are key characteristics of powerful, successful people–in business and social life. If you are articulate, dress well, and back it up with the refined social graces and charm that makes you likeable and puts others at ease, you can be sure you will have a more exciting and rewarding fall season.

1. Be open and confident. When it comes to making the first impression, body language, as well as appearance, speaks louder than words. Use your body language to project appropriate confidence and warmth. Stand tall, smile, make eye contact, and shake hands with a firm grip.

2. Dress appropriately and stylishly for all occasions; and always be well-groomed. You should look appropriate for your environment and authentic to you. Being trendy is not important, but being current with accessories, especially shoes, color, and fashion accents indicates you are aware of what is fashionable.

“Good grooming is not just about making a polished first impression,” writes Sylvia Ann Hewlett in her book “Executive Presence.” “It is about signaling to your competitors, and yourself, that you are in total control.” When your nails are chipped, your shoes are scuffed, or your clothes are wrinkled, it is impossible to make a good impression.

3. Introduce yourself and others with warmth and enthusiasm. Always prepare a self-introduction before going to a meeting or event. Say your name slowly and clearly, making eye contact when you introduce yourself. When introducing others, be sure to follow the rules for proper introductions, and always add something about each person to aid them in starting a conversation.

4. Be courteous. In our modern world, how you treat others and your actions affect how people view you. Being thoughtful and thinking of others will never go out of style. When you are kind and have good manners and treat others as you would like to be treated, and make other people feel good about themselves, other people want to be around you. Studies show that women value kindness above looks as the most important quality for a man to have.

5. Build rapport for better relationships. People like people like themselves. Try to establish a feeling that you are on the same wavelength when trying to build rapport with a new person. Pick up on key words, favorite phrases, and ways of speaking that someone uses, and build them subtly into your own conversation. Adopt a similar stance to them in terms of their body language, gestures, voice tone and speed. It is called “mirroring” and “matching.”

6. Master the art of small talk and making polite conversation. Always have something to say. Know a little about a lot of things. Appropriate topics of conversation include news events, sports, entertainment, travel, hobbies, etc.

7. Listen and show genuine interest in others. People like people who find them interesting. Nothing is more flattering to another person or wins more friends than someone who listens to them. It’s the secret of weapon of the charmers.

“And above all, really focus on what is being said to you,”  advises Heidi Grant Halvorson in “No One Understands You and What to Do about it.” People need to feel they have been heard, even when you can’t give them what they are asking for.

8. Convey warmth and competence.  According to Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy, perceptions of warmth and competence account for roughly 90 percent of the variability in whether you are perceived positively or negatively by others. Research shows eye contact, nodding, and smiling are the three key physical indicators of warmth.

9. Sharpen your dining skills and table manners. Let’s face it: We are judged by our table manners and we judge others by their table manners. Persons sitting at or near our table cannot help but notice our table manners or lack of them. If our table manners are good, they will judge us favorably; and if our table manners are poor, they will judge us unfavorably.

10. Build an authentic, honest, and compelling brand. What defines you? What makes you unique? What is your highest value? Be that person on a consistent basis. Reinforce your brand at every opportunity—both online and offline. According to Sally Hogshead in “Project Fascination,’ “To be more successful, you don’t have to change who you are, you only have to be more of what you are at your best.”

For many additional empowering tips, as well as inspiring quotes, read “Proper, Poised and Polished: The Power of You” by Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick. It is available to order on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

You are also invited to attend one of our one-day “Social Success Makeover–Finishing School for Adults” group classes. The next class will be on Saturday, September 22nd in New York City.

 By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

 Updated: August 2018

-David Lewis, “The Secret Language of Success”

From the moment you walk in the door, step up to the podium, or sit down at a conference table, your body is busy telling people all about you. Do you want to project confidence? Do you want to command respect? Do you want to project executive level presence?

Here’s how:

• Stand tall. Good posture instantly identifies you as a confident person with something to contribute. Stand with your shoulders and feet about four to six inches apart, while keeping your spine tall. Keep your hands down at your sides unless you are gesturing.

• Keep your head level. A level head indicates an assured, capable person. A bowed head makes you look unsure of yourself, vulnerable, and even guilty of something

• Position your chin properly. Keep your chin parallel to the ground. If you keep it too high, you are likely to be viewed as condescending or even aggressive. If you keep it lowered or dipped, you are more likely to be viewed as unsure of yourself or submissive.

• Walk in a calm, purposeful way. From the moment you walk into a room with dignity and easy confidence, you are saying that you are someone who matters–to yourself and to them; and you automatically project respect.

• Make eye contact. Eye contact should be made 40 to 60% of the time. Less than 40%  makes you appear shy or lacking in confidence. More than 60% makes you appear judgmental.

• Use facial expressions to reinforce your interest. When you are having a conversation with another person, your facial expressions either encourage or discourage further interest and interaction.

• Offer a firm handshake. In business in the U.S.A., the only acceptable physical touching allowed is a handshake. Your handshake broadcasts plenty about you. If you want to make a positive impression and convey confidence, firmly grasp the other person’s hand when shaking hands.

• Use gestures to reinforce communication. If you want to appear comfortable and unguarded, your gestures need to start talking when your mouth starts moving.

• Cultivate a pleasing, yet strong voice. Nearly 40% of the first impression you make on other people is based entirely on the sound of your voice.  Speak with optimal volume; articulate clearly; highlight your message with expression; and avoid filler words.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Body language is a fundamental part of courtship. In fact, 80 percent of what we say is nonverbal. If you would like to attract a mate or convince your significant other that you really care this Valentine’s Day, we recommend you try the following top 10 flirting signals.

Smile. It makes you look pretty. Remember that a genuine smile engages the eye muscles and people who grin for more then five seconds and only use their lips are probably faking it.

Make eye contact. But don’t stare. A woman needs to deliver a flirty quick gaze, on average, three times before the average man realizes what’s happening.

Preening. This includes fixing our hair or adjusting clothing. It is usually the first display we use when we find someone attractive.

Touch. To brush someone’s shoulder or a light touch on the arm creates a momentary bond that is more powerful then most people realize.

Listen. Nodding or a slight tilt in the head can show interest.

Uncross arms and legs. Crossing arms and legs subconsciously gives off the vibe that we are not open to or disinterested in what the person is saying.

Show palms. Open palms are associated with truth, honesty, allegiance and submission.

Avoid fidgeting. The farther away from the brain a body part is positioned, the less awareness we have of what it is doing. Frequent tapping of the foot in the direction of the door could give off the impression one is anxious to leave. Fidgeting with jewelry or clothing signals discomfort or anxiety.

Expose wrists and neck. An interested woman will gradually expose the smooth, soft underside skin of her wrists to the potential male partner and will increase the rate she flashes her wrists as her interest grows.

Protruding thumbs.  A man will use protruding thumbs, in front or back pockets, around woman to whom he is attracted.