Top 10 Etiquette Dos for a More Civilized City Experience

                    “Fine manners need the support of fine manners in others.”     

                                                  Ralph Waldo Emerson                                                       

1. Do walk on the right side of the sidewalk, keeping to the far right at all times, except when passing.

2. Do let others exit elevators, buildings and public transportation before you attempt to enter them. (It’s always out before in.)

3. Do hold doors open for individuals following closely behind you or for someone who may need a little help entering a building or public transportation.

4. Do give up your seat to someone who may need it more than you—the elderly, a caregiver with small children, a woman who is pregnant– when you are taking public transportation.  

5. Do be mindful of others when you are talking or texting on your cell phone when you are in public places:  Save your private conversations for private locations. (When walking down the sidewalk or crossing the street, be especially mindful of others when talking or texting on your cell phone.) 

6. Do be sensitive to others’ enjoyment at restaurants, movies, or any other performances or cultural events by not talking on your cell phone, keeping your voice low when you are having a conversation, and conducting yourself with a sense of decorum.

7. Do smile and take time to give tourists directions. (You want tourists to think your city’s inhabitants are polite, friendly, and helpful.)

8. Do eat in restaurants or other appropriate places, such as the park –not on buses, the subway, or walking down the street. 

9. Do show respect for our city streets and public places: Throw your trash in waste cans instead of littering.  (And please, pick up after your dogs–wherever you are walking them– and properly dispose of their waste.)                

10. Do be polite and use the magic words: Say “Please” and “Thank-you” to the waitstaff in restaurants, salespeople in stores, and whenever or wherever the situation calls for a “Please” or “Thank-you.” 

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Updated: February 2018

It’s that special time of the year when we gather around the table to celebrate Thanksgiving with our family and friends. Using our best table manners and polished social skills will ensure that we will make a good impression and that it will be an enjoyable and pleasant time for all.

As Emily Post once said, “The real test of table manners is to never offend the sensibilities of others.” Good table manners are really nothing more than having a sensitive awareness of others and conducting oneself in a manner that makes the dining experience pleasant for everyone involved. This year, in particular, we need to avoid discussing politics so that we do not “offend the sensibilities” of our family members or friends.

When we know what is expected of us at the table, we can concentrate on making stimulating conversation with our dinner companions and enjoying ourselves. Following are my top 20 dos and do nots of table manners to guide you through your meal this holiday:

Do’s

1.  Do try a little of everything you are served unless you know you are allergic to a
certain food or are a vegetarian.

2.  Do take modest portions of food if you are serving yourself.

3.  Do avoid talking with food in your mouth. Take small bites, and you’ll find it
easier to answer questions or join in on conversations at the table.

4.  Do wait until you have swallowed the food in your mouth before you take a sip of your beverage.

5.  Do wipe your fingers and mouth often with a your napkin.

6.  Do remember your posture at the table. Sit erect. Do not slouch. Keep your arms,
as well as as your elbows, off the table.

7.   Do study your flatware, and eat from the outside in. Remember that once you take
your silverware off of the table to use it, it should never touch the table again.

8.   Do look into, not over, the cup or glass when drinking.

9.   Do cut one piece of meat or fish at a time on your plate and eat it before cutting the next one.

10. Do bring your food to your mouth when you eat, not your mouth to your food.

11.  Do leave dropped silver on the floor. Quietly signal the wait staff to replace it.

12. Do ask for food to be passed at the table; never reach across the table or
across another person to get something.

13. Do pass food and other items to the right, or counter clockwise, at the table.

14. Do pass salt and pepper together: They are “married” and never separated.

15. Do use a utensil instead of your fingers.

16. Do remove an object such as bone gristle from your mouth with your thumb
and index finger and place it on the rim of your plate rather than in your napkin.

17. Do turn your head to the side and cover your mouth with your napkin if you
have to sneeze or cough at the table.

18. Do put your napkin in your chair and push your chair in if you have to leave
the table during the meal.

 19. Do place your silverware in the 10:20 “finished” position when you are finished
with a course.

20. Do say something nice about the food to your host or hostess when finished.

Do Nots

1.   Do not begin to eat until everyone has been served when you are seated with a small group.

2.   Do not help yourself to bread and butter before offering it to the person sitting next to you.

3.   Do not overload your plate when serving yourself.

4.   Do not overload your fork when eating.

5.   Do not season food before tasting it.

6.   Do not spread your elbows when cutting meat. Keep them close to your sides.

7.   Do not saw the meat in a back and forth motion. Stroke it toward you.

8.   Do not chew with your mouth open.

9.   Do not eat too quickly or too slowly; keep pace with the others at the table.

10. Do not talk about your personal food likes and dislikes when eating.

11.  Do not exchange food samples after everyone has begun eating; and never
reach over and “spear” food out of another person’s plate with your fork.

12. Do not touch your face or head at the table.

13. Do not blow your nose with your napkin; use your handkerchief.

14. Do not pick your teeth at the table, either with a toothpick or your fingers.

15. Do not call attention to your eating by making noise either with your mouth or
by scraping your silverware against your plate.

16. Do not gesture with your knife, fork, or spoon in your hand.

17. Do not push your plate away from you when you have finished. Leave it
where it is with the silverware properly placed in the 10:20 “I am finished” position. 

18. Do not discuss unpleasant or controversial subjects at the table.

19. Do not place your cell phone, keys, or handbag on the table.

20. Do not answer your cell phone or text on it while you are at the table.

By Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Updated: November 23, 2016

While dining etiquette is often discussed and dissected, restaurant-specific tips are not quite as commonplace, despite the frequency with which business and social entertaining takes place in our society. Rarer still are guides specifically aimed at the service professionals who make up half of this staff/patron arrangement. Here are ten tips each for both waiters and diners to get the most out of their next meal:

Ten Ways to Get Superior Service in a Restaurant 

1. Be patient. Returning a dish or requesting a substitution is fine, but it may take some time. Also, your server is juggling many other guests’ needs, especially during the dinner rush.

2. Read the menu. Asking the waiter’s opinion between two choices is perfectly acceptable, but asking him to detail the entire menu in lieu of actually looking at it is tedious and inconsiderate.

3. Think ahead. If someone at the table orders a drink and yours is one-third full, and you know you’re going to get another one soon, go ahead and order yours at the same time. Don’t wait for her to come back with the other patron’s drink just to send her right back to the bar.

4. Be polite. Don’t respond to “Good evening, how is everyone tonight?” with “I’ll have the Riesling.” Engage in the bare minimum of pleasantries; say please and thank you.

5. Talk to the right person. Ask the support staff to send your waiter over if you need something, rather than for a desired item. Bussers often do not have access to the electronic POS system that allows them to ring in an order, nor the authority to approach the bar directly.

6. Don’t shoot the messenger. The waiter didn’t cook the dish, nor set the menu prices. If you were unhappy with the food make sure to clearly tell your server so management can remedy the situation instead of just leaving a bad tip.

7. Refrain from using your cellphone. Especially when ordering.

8. Send a thank you note. Telling the management in writing that you had a wonderful meal or fantastic service guarantees you will be remembered and welcomed warmly the next time you make a reservation. Detailed notes are kept in reservation systems, especially for regular patrons.

9. Don’t get personal. Inappropriate questions obvious flirting with the staff is awkward and uncomfortable.

10.Remember it’s a person. Someone has to deal with what you leave behind – gum under the table, shoe dirt on the chairs, the remains of blowing your nose into the linen napkin. Please proceed with grace.

Ten Ways to Give Superior Service in a Restaurant 

1. Be patient. Don’t clear any plates until everyone has finished. An empty plate is far less obtrusive than making the remaining diners feel rushed or making the first person done feel they ate too fast.

2. Be pleasantly vague. Don’t ask a guest if they want another margarita or some more bread—just ask if they need anything.

3. Timing is everything. Wait for right moment to recite a long list of specials (with prices, please) or interrupt an intense conversation.

4. Be discrete and professional. Don’t laugh or gossip with coworkers within earshot of customers, or eat or drink within site of them.

5. Be upfront. If your restaurant charges an automatic gratuity on parties of six or more, and your eight top just tipped you generously in addition to that, point out the included service charge.

6. Pay attention. Don’t ignore a table that isn’t yours. If you see a guest clearly in need of attention, help them immediately or promptly tell them you’ll send their server right over.

7. Good service flows. Bring all of the appetizers or entrees to a table at the same time. Never leave one guest stranded and plate-less while everyone else in their party has their meal.

8. Read silverware signals. Cutlery crossed in the shape of an X means the diner isn’t finished. A knife and fork together in the 10 o’clock and 4 o’clock position means they are. Think of it this way: X means no, hands off, and a straight line means you can take it straight away. (That is, presuming everyone else is done too. See #1 above.)

9. Left/leave, right/retrieve. Generally one serves from the guests’ left and clears from the right, using the respective hand (ie: placing a dish with the left and picking up with the right).

10. Remember you’re there to help. Never answer a guest’s question with “I don’t know,” without immediately following it up with “…but I’ll find out.”

Jennifer Roach is a pastry chef and cake designer based in New York City. She has over a dozen years experience in fine dining establishments such as Chanterelle, Eleven Madison Park, and Koi. She is currently a freelance bakery consultant and caterer.