It’s that special time of the year when we gather around the table to celebrate Thanksgiving with our family and friends. Using our best table manners and polished social skills will ensure that we will make a good impression and that it will be an enjoyable and pleasant time for all.

As Emily Post once said, “The real test of table manners is to never offend the sensibilities of others.” Good table manners are really nothing more than having a sensitive awareness of others and conducting oneself in a manner that makes the dining experience pleasant for everyone involved. This year, in particular, we need to avoid discussing politics so that we do not “offend the sensibilities” of our family members or friends.

When we know what is expected of us at the table, we can concentrate on making stimulating conversation with our dinner companions and enjoying ourselves. Following are my top 20 dos and do nots of table manners to guide you through your meal this holiday:

Do’s

1.  Do try a little of everything you are served unless you know you are allergic to a
certain food or are a vegetarian.

2.  Do take modest portions of food if you are serving yourself.

3.  Do avoid talking with food in your mouth. Take small bites, and you’ll find it
easier to answer questions or join in on conversations at the table.

4.  Do wait until you have swallowed the food in your mouth before you take a sip of your beverage.

5.  Do wipe your fingers and mouth often with a your napkin.

6.  Do remember your posture at the table. Sit erect. Do not slouch. Keep your arms,
as well as as your elbows, off the table.

7.   Do study your flatware, and eat from the outside in. Remember that once you take
your silverware off of the table to use it, it should never touch the table again.

8.   Do look into, not over, the cup or glass when drinking.

9.   Do cut one piece of meat or fish at a time on your plate and eat it before cutting the next one.

10. Do bring your food to your mouth when you eat, not your mouth to your food.

11.  Do leave dropped silver on the floor. Quietly signal the wait staff to replace it.

12. Do ask for food to be passed at the table; never reach across the table or
across another person to get something.

13. Do pass food and other items to the right, or counter clockwise, at the table.

14. Do pass salt and pepper together: They are “married” and never separated.

15. Do use a utensil instead of your fingers.

16. Do remove an object such as bone gristle from your mouth with your thumb
and index finger and place it on the rim of your plate rather than in your napkin.

17. Do turn your head to the side and cover your mouth with your napkin if you
have to sneeze or cough at the table.

18. Do put your napkin in your chair and push your chair in if you have to leave
the table during the meal.

 19. Do place your silverware in the 10:20 “finished” position when you are finished
with a course.

20. Do say something nice about the food to your host or hostess when finished.

Do Nots

1.   Do not begin to eat until everyone has been served when you are seated with a small group.

2.   Do not help yourself to bread and butter before offering it to the person sitting next to you.

3.   Do not overload your plate when serving yourself.

4.   Do not overload your fork when eating.

5.   Do not season food before tasting it.

6.   Do not spread your elbows when cutting meat. Keep them close to your sides.

7.   Do not saw the meat in a back and forth motion. Stroke it toward you.

8.   Do not chew with your mouth open.

9.   Do not eat too quickly or too slowly; keep pace with the others at the table.

10. Do not talk about your personal food likes and dislikes when eating.

11.  Do not exchange food samples after everyone has begun eating; and never
reach over and “spear” food out of another person’s plate with your fork.

12. Do not touch your face or head at the table.

13. Do not blow your nose with your napkin; use your handkerchief.

14. Do not pick your teeth at the table, either with a toothpick or your fingers.

15. Do not call attention to your eating by making noise either with your mouth or
by scraping your silverware against your plate.

16. Do not gesture with your knife, fork, or spoon in your hand.

17. Do not push your plate away from you when you have finished. Leave it
where it is with the silverware properly placed in the 10:20 “I am finished” position. 

18. Do not discuss unpleasant or controversial subjects at the table.

19. Do not place your cell phone, keys, or handbag on the table.

20. Do not answer your cell phone or text on it while you are at the table.

By Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Updated: November 23, 2016

Some of my fondest memories of summers past include having houseguests. Perhaps it is because my friends have lovely manners, and my husband and I enjoy making their stays memorable. I do know, however, this is not the experience many have had, or remember about having houseguests, which is why I thought it necessary to outline the guidelines for being a considerate guest and a thoughtful host.

How to Be a Considerate Guest

• Do be sure you are clear about when you are expected to arrive, and when you are expected to leave; and don’t go earlier or stay longer.

• Do take a house gift; and if you are staying longer than a weekend, offer to take your hosts out to dinner one evening.

• If possible, have a means of transportation so you don’t have to rely on your host to chauffeur you around.

• Do not ask to bring a pet with you, unless you have a small “perfect” dog, and you know they won’t mind. Large dogs and cats should left at home.

• Ask what the attire will be for the weekend so that you will be able to dress appropriately for all of the weekend’s festivities, and will not have to borrow your hosts’ clothes.

• Do think of activities to occupy you for at least part of the day. Don’t expect your hosts to keep you entertained from morning until night—unless you know your hosts are expecting you to accompany them on all of the outings during the day, such as to the golf course, tennis court, beach, et. Cetera.

• Do not leave your wet bath or sandy beach towels on the floor.

• Do try to keep your room fairly neat. Make your own bed each morning unless there is a maid to make it for you. Be sure the bathroom is kept neat as well.

• Do pack a robe. You may have to walk down the hall to go to the bathroom; and you may want to go to breakfast wearing one if it’s acceptable in the house you are visiting.

• Ask what the rules of the house are. Are shoes allowed in the house? What time does everyone wake up and go to sleep?

• Don’t treat your hosts as your personal servants. Offer to help out with the cooking and dishes.

• Don’t expect your hosts to follow your diet regimen. If you are on a strict diet, it might be better to save your visit to another time when you can eat what your hosts are eating.

• Be on time for meals and activities.

• Don’t complain about your bed, your room, the food, the activities that have been planned for your stay, et. Cetera.  In other words, be an appreciative guest.

• On the day of your departure, take the sheets, blankets, and pillow cases off the bed, fold them, and leave them neatly on top of the bed—unless, of course, your hosts have a live-in help.

• Do remember to send a thank-you note to your hosts when you get home.

How to Be a Thoughtful Host

• Do invite guests whom you know fairly well and know will enjoy the kind of weekend that is enjoyable to you.

• Tell your guests when you would like for them to arrive and leave.

• Give your guests an idea about what you have planned for the weekend and the clothes they will need to bring for the various activities.  If you are taking them to your club for dinner, and jackets are required, that is something they need to know.

• If you are inviting friends you don’t know that well, it is a good idea to ask them if they have any special dietary needs or allergies.

• Do stock your kitchen and bar with your guests’ favorite foods and drinks.

• Do give your guests some free time during the day. It isn’t necessary—nor is necessarily appreciated by your guests—for you to have every minute of the day planned. Do, however, some group outings/activities planned.

• Let your guests know what time you usually have your meals—particularly breakfast. If you are a late sleeper, and they are earlier risers, show them where you keep the coffee and let them know they are welcome to make their own breakfast.

• Give your guests a map of your town if they are new to the area; and give them a list of sights they might like to see if you do not plan to give them a guided your of your town.

• Check to make sure the guest room is ready for your guests: fresh sheets, flowers, snacks, reading material, an alarm clock, pad and pen by the bed, a couple of empty drawers bureau drawers, extra coat hangers in the closet, a mirror, and anything else you think they might like or need in their room to be comfortable. And also check to see that the bathroom they will use will have everything they need.

• Do let your guests know if there is a limited supply of hot water in your house. They will be embarrassed if they unknowingly use all of the hot water before the others in the house have had a chance to take a shower.

• Try to anticipate your guests’ special needs—if there are any. Remember, that as a host, it is your number one responsibility to make your guests feel comfortable in your home.

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 “In a shrinking world with ever increasing competition, Americans are finding they need to know more about other cultures to survive both at home and abroad.”

                                                                          - Brooks Peterson, author of ”Cultural Intelligence.”

By now it should be evident that no nation on earth can thrive in the twenty-first century without being connected in some way to the other nations around the world; nor can corporations or their executives remain isolated and expect to be successful.  People around the world will inevitably need to interact with one another in more and more ways: professionally, diplomatically, economically, socially, and so forth. For today, we are all participants in one way or another in the global marketplace.

While dining etiquette is often discussed and dissected, restaurant-specific tips are not quite as commonplace, despite the frequency with which business and social entertaining takes place in our society. Rarer still are guides specifically aimed at the service professionals who make up half of this staff/patron arrangement. Here are ten tips each for both waiters and diners to get the most out of their next meal:

Ten Ways to Get Superior Service in a Restaurant 

1. Be patient. Returning a dish or requesting a substitution is fine, but it may take some time. Also, your server is juggling many other guests’ needs, especially during the dinner rush.

2. Read the menu. Asking the waiter’s opinion between two choices is perfectly acceptable, but asking him to detail the entire menu in lieu of actually looking at it is tedious and inconsiderate.

3. Think ahead. If someone at the table orders a drink and yours is one-third full, and you know you’re going to get another one soon, go ahead and order yours at the same time. Don’t wait for her to come back with the other patron’s drink just to send her right back to the bar.

4. Be polite. Don’t respond to “Good evening, how is everyone tonight?” with “I’ll have the Riesling.” Engage in the bare minimum of pleasantries; say please and thank you.

5. Talk to the right person. Ask the support staff to send your waiter over if you need something, rather than for a desired item. Bussers often do not have access to the electronic POS system that allows them to ring in an order, nor the authority to approach the bar directly.

6. Don’t shoot the messenger. The waiter didn’t cook the dish, nor set the menu prices. If you were unhappy with the food make sure to clearly tell your server so management can remedy the situation instead of just leaving a bad tip.

7. Refrain from using your cellphone. Especially when ordering.

8. Send a thank you note. Telling the management in writing that you had a wonderful meal or fantastic service guarantees you will be remembered and welcomed warmly the next time you make a reservation. Detailed notes are kept in reservation systems, especially for regular patrons.

9. Don’t get personal. Inappropriate questions obvious flirting with the staff is awkward and uncomfortable.

10.Remember it’s a person. Someone has to deal with what you leave behind – gum under the table, shoe dirt on the chairs, the remains of blowing your nose into the linen napkin. Please proceed with grace.

Ten Ways to Give Superior Service in a Restaurant 

1. Be patient. Don’t clear any plates until everyone has finished. An empty plate is far less obtrusive than making the remaining diners feel rushed or making the first person done feel they ate too fast.

2. Be pleasantly vague. Don’t ask a guest if they want another margarita or some more bread—just ask if they need anything.

3. Timing is everything. Wait for right moment to recite a long list of specials (with prices, please) or interrupt an intense conversation.

4. Be discrete and professional. Don’t laugh or gossip with coworkers within earshot of customers, or eat or drink within site of them.

5. Be upfront. If your restaurant charges an automatic gratuity on parties of six or more, and your eight top just tipped you generously in addition to that, point out the included service charge.

6. Pay attention. Don’t ignore a table that isn’t yours. If you see a guest clearly in need of attention, help them immediately or promptly tell them you’ll send their server right over.

7. Good service flows. Bring all of the appetizers or entrees to a table at the same time. Never leave one guest stranded and plate-less while everyone else in their party has their meal.

8. Read silverware signals. Cutlery crossed in the shape of an X means the diner isn’t finished. A knife and fork together in the 10 o’clock and 4 o’clock position means they are. Think of it this way: X means no, hands off, and a straight line means you can take it straight away. (That is, presuming everyone else is done too. See #1 above.)

9. Left/leave, right/retrieve. Generally one serves from the guests’ left and clears from the right, using the respective hand (ie: placing a dish with the left and picking up with the right).

10. Remember you’re there to help. Never answer a guest’s question with “I don’t know,” without immediately following it up with “…but I’ll find out.”

Jennifer Roach is a pastry chef and cake designer based in New York City. She has over a dozen years experience in fine dining establishments such as Chanterelle, Eleven Madison Park, and Koi. She is currently a freelance bakery consultant and caterer.

It’s another rainy week in New York City, so I thought it might be a good idea to give everyone a gentle reminder of the rules of the sidewalk when carrying an umbrella.

10 Tips to Avoid Umbrella Rage:

1. Carry an umbrella that’s appropriate for your size—one that you can manage. If you are a small person, don’t carry a golf umbrella.
2. Be considerate when you open your umbrella: Look both ways before you open it. Be mindful of anyone who may be standing nearby.
3. Be considerate of other pedestrians walking beside you, as well as those approaching you from a different direction.
4. Raise or lower your umbrella depending upon the other pedestrians passing you. In other words, be flexible–be prepared to adjust the level of your umbrella to accommodate others.
5. Keep it closed if you are standing under an awning or going through a covered area where there is little room to pass others.
6. Close your dripping umbrella before entering a building or public transportation.
7. Park your umbrella in a stand or place that is designated for umbrellas when inside.
8. Carry your closed umbrella cautiously: When you are not using it, always hold it vertically, with the pointed end down. Don’t tuck it horizontally with the ends sticking out ready to stab someone.
9. Properly dispose of broken umbrellas—don’t toss them angrily into the gutter.
10. Be patient with your fellow pedestrians. Try not to get angry at others who may not know the rules of umbrella etiquette. Besides, a little rain never hurt anyone.

 Watch Patricia on Fox 5 News talk more umbrella etiquette HERE!

“Etiquette provides the knowledge, and gives the confidence to pass the test of life.”     - Elizabeth L. Post

Many say etiquette instruction is outdated and has no relevance for today’s children. But is that true? Certainly not.

It is true that many of the rules of etiquette from the past are outdated, but etiquette is always evolving and adapting to adjust to current times. The true tenets of etiquette and good manners, which are treating others with kindness, consideration, and respect, however, remain timeless.They encourage us to behave in a way that is considerate of all; and to treat others the way we would like to be treated in all of the situations in which we find ourselves.

The idea of “modern-day” etiquette instruction for children dates back to as early as the 16^th century when Dutch theologian, Erasmus, wrote the widely popular A Handbook on Good Manners for Children. Although many of his rules would not apply today, his essential advice remains the same, “Young bodies are tender plants that grow and harden to whatever shape you’ve trained them.”

Etiquette instruction for children was very popular in the 16^th century in England as well as Italy. “Always send a thank-you letter, but make sure you never look too oily” was one guideline given at that time in a book by Baldassare Castiglion, an Italian diplomat from Urbino, in his book, “The Book of the Courtier.”

According to psychiatrist and Harvard professor Robert Coles, the years between kindergarten and sixth grade are the ideal time to teach children values like respect. These are the “age of conscience years,” he contends, during which children are highly receptive to moral values and eager to figure out how and why they should behave in various situations, and are enthusiastic about deciding what kind of people they are going to be.

If we want our children to grow up to be confident, poised adults, we need to teach them the rules of etiquette. I believe knowing proper etiquette is an essential part of a child’s training for life. It equips them with the social skills and good manners that alleviate the social awkwardness that comes from not knowing how to behave in social situations. It builds character and produces genuinely gracious and considerate adults.

I am often asked when a child should begin etiquette instruction, and I say it is never too early. As soon as they begin to talk, the polite words, such as “please” and “thank-you” should be part of their vocabulary. Children with good manners are better liked by other children, as well as adults, and are more successful in school.

Social skills are the great equalizer; good manners transcend social class, economic achievement, and race. As Clarence Thomas once said, “Good manners open doors that the best education cannot.”

Etiquette is defined as the rules for socially accepted behavior. Manners are how we apply those rules—how we treat one another. Emily Post stressed that etiquette was more of a code of social respect than rules for exactly how to ask for a date or what fork to use. Manners involve our interactions with others.

Can anyone say without a doubt that etiquette instruction for children is irrelevant in today’s society?

Body language is a fundamental part of courtship. In fact, 80 percent of what we say is nonverbal. If you would like to attract a mate or convince your significant other that you really care this Valentine’s Day, we recommend you try the following top 10 flirting signals.

Smile. It makes you look pretty. Remember that a genuine smile engages the eye muscles and people who grin for more then five seconds and only use their lips are probably faking it.

Make eye contact. But don’t stare. A woman needs to deliver a flirty quick gaze, on average, three times before the average man realizes what’s happening.

Preening. This includes fixing our hair or adjusting clothing. It is usually the first display we use when we find someone attractive.

Touch. To brush someone’s shoulder or a light touch on the arm creates a momentary bond that is more powerful then most people realize.

Listen. Nodding or a slight tilt in the head can show interest.

Uncross arms and legs. Crossing arms and legs subconsciously gives off the vibe that we are not open to or disinterested in what the person is saying.

Show palms. Open palms are associated with truth, honesty, allegiance and submission.

Avoid fidgeting. The farther away from the brain a body part is positioned, the less awareness we have of what it is doing. Frequent tapping of the foot in the direction of the door could give off the impression one is anxious to leave. Fidgeting with jewelry or clothing signals discomfort or anxiety.

Expose wrists and neck. An interested woman will gradually expose the smooth, soft underside skin of her wrists to the potential male partner and will increase the rate she flashes her wrists as her interest grows.

Protruding thumbs.  A man will use protruding thumbs, in front or back pockets, around woman to whom he is attracted.