The Lost Art of Listening: 10 Tips for Becoming a Better Listener
The Lost Art of Listening
“I never learned anything while I was talking.”
-Larry King
Importance of Good Listening
Research shows that although 80 percent of our day is spent communicating, most of the time is spent listening at 25 percent efficiency. This is a huge problem in business situations, because effective listening can bring many advantages and eliminate numerous problems. You can build people’s self esteem and your managerial effectiveness by learning to listen better. Not being a good listener is also a huge problem in your personal life because people want to be heard; and when they are heard, they feel very favorably toward the person listening to them.
Advantages of Good Listening in Business:
- Will increase your chances of success in not only getting business, but also keeping the business you have. When you give your clients or customers what they have asked for, they will remain loyal to you.
- Shows your colleagues and customers an attitude of concern instead of indifference.
- Reduces wasted time and energy, which translates into increased efficiency.
- Is even good for one’s physical health—blood pressure rises when a person speaks, decreases when they listen.
Advantages of Good Listening in Your Personal Life
- As Dale Carnegie said, “To be interesting, be interested.” The best conversations are not about what you say, they are about what you hear the other person say. You will appear infinitely more interesting, as well as charming, when you listen intently to others.
- When building rapport with a new person, you need to listen more than you talk. How can you find out what you have in common with them if you don’t allow them to share information with you about themselves?
- When you are interested, when you listen, when you let people talk, they feel pleasure; and we remember people who make us feel good.
- To understand someone, you must listen to them, but when people talk we seldom listen because we are usually too busy thinking about what we want to say or filtering their words through our own paradigms. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see the world through their paradigm.
- Truly listening to your significant other, husband or wife, and children will significantly improve your relationships with them.
- Whether it is in your professional or personal life, it should be notes that it is polite, civil behavior to listen without interrupting when another person is speaking.
“Good listeners never interrupt. Great listeners know to let others interrupt them.”
-Olivia Fox Cabane, “The Charisma Myth”
10 Tips for Becoming a Better Listener
- Resolve to become a better listener. Have the desire, interest, concentration and self-discipline to be a good listener. Without this mindset, you will never be a good listener.
- Make active and empathic expressions. Give verbal and visual clues that you are listening. Mirror their facial expressions for empathy. Nod. Say, “Yes, I see,” etc.
- Make eye contact: Making eye contact with the person speaking will make you a better listener; and it puts the focus on the other person, while you look in control. Plus, it builds trust and shows respect for the person.
- Ask clarifying questions and paraphrase or repeat what you heard. Your words will reinforce your active listening cues, or body language.
- Take notes. Research shows they aid retention and that you pay greater attention when you are taking notes.
- Listen now, repeat later. If you plan to tell someone what you heard, you will listen more attentively. Plus, taking notes will help you remember what you heard.
- Build rapport by pacing the speaker. Approximate the speaker’s gestures, facial expressions and voice patterns to create comfortable communication.
- Control external distractions. Put your smart phone away and avoid looking at the internet. Otherwise, you will miss part of the conversation and the person talking will feel like he or she is not being listened to.
- Generously give the gift of listening. Harvard neuroscientists found that something changes in our brain when we talk about ourselves. Activity increases in the brain regions that form dopamine. What a wonderful gift to give someone!
- Be present; watch the tendency to daydream. Don’t drift off from conversations. Active listening is about being present in the moment.