The holiday season is the traditional time of the year to remember all the people who have made our lives more pleasant throughout the year, and without whom we would not have such a nice life, says Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick, Founder and Director of The Etiquette School of New York.

New York City is filled with service providers who cheerfully work throughout the year to do their best to help us with whatever we need. Perhaps they do it because it is their job; or, perhaps they do it because they like to help people. I don’t think they are necessarily doing it for their year-end tips, but many of them rely on these tips to supplement their modest salaries.

The past few years have been difficult for many, and they have not been able to give their service providers as much as they did in the past, but many people are feeling more optimistic about the ecomomy and their personal finances this year, and plan to give a little more to show their gratitude. Holiday tipping and gifting, however, should not be about going into debt to pay for these expenditures. Determine what you can afford to spend on gifts and tips, and then make a list of the people for whom you want to show your appreciation, and put them into one of two columns: a cash column or a gift column. Then prioritize your list according to the following:

1.      The importance of their service to you.
2.      The quality of the service.
3.      The frequency of the service.
4.      How long you’ve used the service.
5.      How important your tip is to them.
6.      Regional tipping/gifting guidelines.
7.      The amount/gift you gave last year.

If you have less to give this year, whether it is 10 or 20%, I recommend you give everyone on your list 10 or 20% less. The exception would be someone with whom you have a more personal relationship or who has done more for you throughout the year. Don’t let the fact that you have less to give this year, however, be an excuse for not giving at all. Most people are grateful for whatever they receive. Following is a list of people who may be regularly employed by you or with whom you have a close personal relationship, with recommendations for tipping and gifting.

Superintendent – $50 – $200

Doorman/Concierge  – $25 – $150

Handyman-  $25 – $40

Elevator Operator- $25 – $50
Parking Garage Attendants $25 – $75

Teachers/Coaches- Small gift (Check the school’s policy to see if it is allowed.)
Housekeeper/Maid – One week’s pay, or less if not a weekly service

Nanny – One week’s to one month’s pay, based upon tenure and small gift from your child.
Au Pair – One week’s pay and a small gift from your child
Day Care Provider- $25 to $75 each and a small gift from your child.
Child’s Teacher- A small gift from you and one from your child.
Coaches, Tutors, Music Teachers – A small gift from your child.

Hair Stylist/Colorist – The cost of one visit, or a gift equaling that amount.
Shampoo Person – $10 or a small gift
Manicurist/Pedicurist – $15 – $25, or a small gift
Massage Therapist  – $15 or more, or a small gift.
Personal Trainer – One session’s cost, or a gift equaling that amount.

Daily Dog Walker – One day’s pay.
Dog Groomer- ¼ to ½ cost of one grooming.
Newspaper Delivery Person- $25 – $50; $10, if once a week.
Mail Carrier: Gift up to $20 in value.
UPS Regular Driver-$20
FedEx Regular Driver- Gift up to $25 in value
Trash Collector: $10 -$20 each.
Pool Cleaner- Cost of one cleaning.
Gardener- One week’s pay, or less if they work for you occasionally.

Use crisp new bills to tip with, or write a check, and put them in tasteful envelopes marked with the person’s name. Stationery stores have inexpensive holiday money cards one can buy for this purpose or your can use your personal stationery; and, be sure to add a personal note thanking the person for helping you throughout the year. Whether or not you give a tip, proper etiquette would suggest that you write a handwritten note thanking the person for their service–something like, Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays!Thank you for everything you’ve done for us throughout the year.

This year many people are planning to give smaller, more thoughtful and practical gifts, not only because of their own personal belt-tightening, but also because it seems more tasteful to do so now. It is much easier to tell your friends and family that you are planning on cutting back this year, or do not want to exchange presents, than it is to say that to your service providers. And aren’t most of us fortunate enough to have more than we need?

There are many sources on the Web for buying gifts in all price ranges, from stores like Neiman Marcus, Tiffany’s, Macy’s, and FAO Schwarz to stores like Walmart , Costco and ToysRus and even Amazon.com and EBay. Museums, such as the Metropolitan Museum or Art and the Museum of Modern Art in New York have a great selection of gift items that can be ordered on the Web sites as well. It may take more time to be creative, but the time you will save by shopping at home, will make up for it.

Gift certificates are also a good idea. For book readers, gift certificates to Barnes and Nobles or Amazon.com. For movie watchers, you can buy gift subscriptions to Netflix. Gift certificates to spas are also a welcome gift to most people.

Finally, everyone appreciates homemade baked goods or boxes of chocolates during the holidays. Presented in a gift box or with holiday wrapping and a warm note, they make a wonderful gift.

And don’t forget to take a small gift for your hostess if you are invited to a party or dinner over the holidays. It is the proper thing to do.

By: Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick

Updated 12/11/14